I need help !

Esmenonna, please start by reading Jason Vale
www.amazon.co.uk/Kick-Drink-Easily-Jason-Vale/dp/1845903900/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&crid=33N59SOROT2QW&keywords=jason+vale+kick+the+drink&sprefix=jason+vale%2Caps%2C130&tag=gransnetforum-21&qid=1562490466&sr=8-1

I found it really helped me stop. Have an open mind whilst reading it. Good luck

Some great posts of encouragement here and might I add non-judgemental too as none of us know the reason why some are addicted and others not.
Well done to you Esmenona for highlighting a problem very openly which in doing this is a step in the right direction and also proof that you want to do something about it.

I'm not a drinker, but a smoker which I use as a " coping mechanism " ( well this is my excuse ) though I know I don't need them because I don't inhale----can't stand nicotine !? It's only will-power that'll cure me. If I can tell myself I don't need, or my body doesn't need alcohol then surely I can do the same with the cigs, successfully.
Like yourself---one day at a time and try not to give in to temptation ( she said as she stared at a full pack of cigs on the coffee table ) Will-power girl !!

I was eating and drinking too much and needed something to frighten me. Well, something did. My BP was really high and the doctor was worried enough to send me for tests etc. This galvanised me into action. I immediately cut right back on the drinking. I realised that half the time I just wanted a drink but not necessarily alcohol so I drank more tea, fruit juices etc (agreed not so much fun!). I bought healthy food and am now eating a breakfast of porridge oats and fruit which fills me up all morning. My BP has dropped back to normal and I've lost over half a stone. Please, OP, get your BP checked and see how high it is. If it is high it might spur you to try hard. But even if you have an occasional lapse it doesn't mean you have failed. Just pick yourself up and try again.

I don’t want to frighten you, but it’s not just the horrendous hangovers. The damage to your body is unseen. My XSIL, is only mid 30s, hid his drinking and now is so ill that it’s life-threatening. There’s so much damage done and women’s bodies cope less well usually. Get help and live a long and healthy life enjoying your GC. Mine is probably going to lose his dad just because of alcohol. He was working and appeared fine until the most dreadful side effects appeared recently.

I ended up at an AA meeting once at a church hall completely by accident. I was with a disabled lady working as a PA and she was attending a church meeting. For privacy she sent me out to the church garden where lots of lovely people said hi and were very friendly. Then a worker told me it was the AA meeting. It was so friendly I thought it was a church social club. Go along to one you will be made very welcome.

I think , like others, that you are doing the right thing in recognsing that you have a problem - many people don't and get into worse trouble. And you are ready to work on changing the pattern too. To understand what is going on and to help change, you would, I think, find much to explain and support you in a popular and easy to read book "The Chimp Paradox" by Dr Steve Peters The book explains that we have different brains which don't always want the same thing - for instance, one part of us may want to eat cake all day, or drink too much, and another part of us wants to stay slim, healthy and sober. The book helps to see how we can make these different brains work well together. Its a best selling paper back, so should be easy to find. You can see from all the posts how much support there is for you - and I hope a combination of this support, AA, and perhaps The Chimp Paradox , will give you the support to get to where you want to be.

Your story is my husband's story. He regularly gives up wine, and counts every day that he doesn't drink. This is telling as it makes me realise how important it is. He is lost without a drink in the evening. He goes to bed really early when he doesn't drink. He always relapses unfortunately. At worst it's two bottles of wine a night, at best one bottle. He knows it's bad for his health but can't stop. He finds it odd that I have one small glass of wine then stop. Good luck on your journey. I will be thinking about you.

Freelady congratulations on your up coming 9th birthday on August 2nd. My husband has just celebrated his 23rd birthday and mine will be 21 on the 23rd September a day at a time !! Sobriety is a bit scary but you are right you can do it. We have a good life and have done things I would never have dreamed off.

AA is great because it makes you reflect and think about why you drink. Finding out why you drink is a deep journey, what happens when you resist ? Do you get angry, depressed, hopeless, lonely. It can be for so many reasons. Inhibition, shame, difficult feelings, guilt, relatives who’ve passed on and need help , family lies /secrets, genetic, fear of thriving. It’s worth exploring. I was dying of alcohol and asked a vicar to pray over me and I stopped that minute never wanted another drink ( 40 yrs ago) . Life is strange and we are always discovering something. Healing the Family Tree by Kenneth McCall is a good book, weird but amazing . I have worked in therapy /healing for thirty years and many people have stories like the ones in this book. It taught me to pray ( not fashionable I know) for my deceased relatives and friends which oddly brings more and more peace to me. Anyway that’s my tuppence worth. I’m sure you will lose interest in drinking.

Wow!! I am overwhelmed with these messages. I knew you were an amazing bunch, and I was correct.
Thanks for the book recommendations- I will definitely read those books.
Happy Sunday, everyone!

I have a similar problem but with food. I like eating things that make me gain weight and I have no stop button. I can eat until I feel ill. But in 2002 I was up to size 28 skirt and had trouble walking so I went to Slimming world and began to lose. Then after a break when I thought I could manage alone I went to Weightwatchers and have been a reasonable weight since 2007 and a gold member at goal since 2009.

I still have difficulty after weigh in though and do what you do. I binge. I can gain 3 pounds over night or 5 over a weekend stay in a hotel with buffet breakfast . I then go back on the plan, which is pretty much healthy eating for life now, with some things I like included but managed carefully. I try not to have chocolates and cakes in the house. I try and manage situations where I will overeat. Family celebrations are those, but if I overeat I go back to lose the weight afterwards. It takes longer to come off than go on.

I want to see my grandchildren grow up and know an unhealthy weight might stop me. Also I have a few health situations that mean I must strategies for you to avoid drinking or drinking too much. But AA is good too.

Agree with everyone - and my half pence - have 'something else' to hand for 'the times' when you get the leaning - anything from fizzy water to lemonade, real juice, tea - whatever - if 'the glass' is part of it - use the glass but for juice etc.

CallAA, it's the best place. I did this on ash Wednesday 2000 not looked back. Enablers are a problem DH can be pointed inright direction to help him so no, but in the end you are responsible for yourself the main lessons i had to learn, the last drink does not make you drunk it the first does , you may lose friends why because you make them look at there own life.One help is become the designated driver. When I first joined as my goal was 7weeks Easter Sunday till I learnt one day at a time for me in the beginning it was 10minutes at a time

I used to drink once or twice a week but had mouth cancer (not the alcohol it is in the genes). My specialist is ok about drinking within the recommended units but not keen on me drinking wine. As I don't believe in lying to medical people, when asked last year about how much I drank I couldn't remember and guessed three or four glasses of cider on a Saturday. Sometimes I go two or three weeks without a drink. He said that was 9 units a week in one go. I knew this wasn't the case (the tins actually said 2.2 and I only had one and a half to two). But, interestingly, I forgot to say once a month I meet a friend for a meal and have one 175ml glass of wine (wine's her thing). So at the beginning of this year I recorded what I drank. This started off 3 units in January, 2.5 in Feb, 11.1 March, 10.6 April, 25.3 May (includes a holiday), 17 Jun. I realised an increase in social events/holidays played a part. There is alcohol kept at home but I don't drink it. I also am a person who has two drinks can keep going. However, the point I want to make is other people's reactions or if I am feeling shy or nervous can lead to drinking. When my husband told me of a chap who was told to stop drinking or he'll die the chap said ' My family won't let me'. I didn't understand what he meant until now. I have had people tell me it's ok to have one drink when on anti-biotics even when more than once I said I didn't want to. Family members waiting for me to leave so they can have a drink (who said they couldn't?). I do feel relationships have changed and I do feel cut off (especially when everyone else is on another planet by 11.00 pm). My stance is not to drink now 'for the moment' just in case as I don't like lying and I will be telling my specialist the exact number of units if I do. What I would like to say to Esmenonna is don't give up trying to manage or give up your drinking but at the same time don't beat yourself up when you 'fall off the wagon'. Just start again. Best wishes to you.

Go to Alcoholics Anonymous. They hold meetings in Church Halls so there will be one near you. You will get the help and support you need from people like you who understand.

By the way, I am now addicted to chocolate. Doh!

I come from a family, where 3 were alcoholics. It's not nice at all. They died in their 60s. Sad.

Anyone read that medical report recently that women who are heavy drinkers or binge drinkers have a higher incidence of being diagnosed with breast cancer than women who don’t drink!

But heavy drinkers have that ‘it won’t happen to me’ attitude, just like smokers think they are immune to lung cancer or emphasima!

All the advice on sites like this won’t any difference until the person themselves feels ashamed enough, stops making excuses and commits to themselves to changing their lifestyle!

Surely there can’t be anything worse than seeing a middle aged woman making a fool of herself because she have drunk too much. It’s simply pitiful!

Add up how much you spend on alcohol over the year, it may shock you. Just don't have it in the house and you need to attend AA meetings because you are pretending that you don't have a problem.

I hate the taste of all sorts of alcohol so can't understand the fascination with it. I may have a shandy a few times a year. You say you are 'a good drunk' so capable of looking after your grandchild. There is no such thing as a good drunk. You would not be able to drive in an emergency when you have the grandchild overnight and you certainly can't have your full wits about you after a few drinks in any situation.

I just wanted to say what it feels like to live with a binge drinker. My DH admits this is him although he has now cut down BD to around once a week.
He first starts with a beer or two. Progresses to wine and then ends with whiskey. He isnt aggressive or anything in fact he comes out of his shell and is more talkative and happy at first. Then it starts to tip over. Talking rubbish repeating himself , not understanding the plot of what we are watching on TV. Then the final stage. Staggering up to bed.
Im afraid that although I love him a lot of the respect has gone. I tolerate the one night a week BD because a big part of me no longer cares.
Im pretty sure your GD does notice the change in her gran after a few drinks even though you think she doesnt.
Dont let her loose respect for you. Take some action. Good luck.

Try reading the book"sober curious " by Ruby Warrington

Keep up the good work! It sounds to me you are doing wonderfully well not drinking.

If you can, don't let yourself have a drink now and again; the longer you can stay right off it the easier it becomes not to drink.

You may be one of the many who never will be able just to drink one glass then stop.

It sounds to me as if you are going it alone. That's hard, try to find some support. Alcoholics anonymous aren't everyone's cup of tea: they do a marvellous job, but it feels a little too much like a prayer group to me and many others.

If you feel the same Blue Cross might be more up your street. It does help to have others to talk to who are in the same boat.

Ask your DH NOT to give in and buy wine or spirits for you. If you have to go out and fetch it yourself, it gives you time to decide not to.

Esmenonna there is only one question you need to ask yourself:

Do I want this glass of wine more than I want a healthy lifestyle/to live to see my granddaughter graduate etc?

If the answer is 'Yes!' then you will find your excuses (Wimbledon, birthday or whatever) and you will carry on drinking.

You can reverse the question:

Do I want to be healthy (you could stop there!) and see my granddaughter grow up more than I want this drink?

If the answer is 'Yes!' You will stop buying drink.

It might seem a simplification but in fact it's the only way to stop. You have to want to stop more than you want to carry on. It's up to you. Be honest with yourself. Good luck!

PS There's no limit to how often you can ask yourself the question.
Also, your friends and family will (certainly should) help you if you tell them you are stopping drinking. Gifts are yours to do with as you see fit. If people still give you alcohol after you've explained, make sure they understand you will give it away.

It won't be easy but if you really want to beat it, you will.

I haven't read all the posts yet. No energy (M.E.). What I will say is, having a lot of experience of alcoholic and heavy drinkers in my family I would advise strongly that you go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Please.