Wondering whether to move grandson from his school.

.... I meant from Year 6

I don’t really understand the English system now but surely no matter the type of school a child attends, the school itself should be looking at why a child isn’t thriving? The school must be aware that your GS is not coping well, why aren’t they investigating this?

SueDonim

I don’t really understand the English system now but surely no matter the type of school a child attends, the school itself should be looking at why a child isn’t thriving? The school must be aware that your GS is not coping well, why aren’t they investigating this?

I think they are. The school has been quite helpful.

Ask him what he wants. There is no alternative.

Sadly, whatever school hes at this year, they are all singing from the same songsheet. 2020 has gone, but teachers and the education system are trying to pack two years into one. A whole missed year means the kids have to work harder than ever. It's tough for them, but I know theres My Tutor on the internet. Which he can access, to help him. We only get out of life, what we put in. Oh, and my kid went to a comp. Got 11 GCSEs, at A*.. Never dismiss a comp as non academic.... They may surprise you

Grandma70s

SueDonim

I don’t really understand the English system now but surely no matter the type of school a child attends, the school itself should be looking at why a child isn’t thriving? The school must be aware that your GS is not coping well, why aren’t they investigating this?

I think they are. The school has been quite helpful.

Perhaps he should stay where he is then rather than move to a comprehensive school.

However good a comprehensive, they are, in the main, much larger than a private school with far more pupils.

I feel very sad for this little boy- the same age as my GS who has just started at KES in Birmingham. And yes, KES is an awful lot more demanding than his primary school and yes, he is knackered. But also excited.
But Grandma70’s GS has been judged inadequate for his “high powered” selective school - not by the school, but by his parents who seem to have no faith in his potential and are happy to “settle” for what they perceive to be a school with a less demanding curriculum. What a dreadful situation.
In other words he is being labelled a failure - poor kid.

Allowances need to be made for moving from junior to senior school and for the very disruptive time he has for most of Y7.

Give him a chance, especially if he is happy and popular.
Pushy, anxious parents can have the opposite effect to what they hope for and can turn their child into a bundle of nerves.

MayBeMaw

I feel very sad for this little boy- the same age as my GS who has just started at KES in Birmingham. And yes, KES is an awful lot more demanding than his primary school and yes, he is knackered. But also excited.
But Grandma70’s GS has been judged inadequate for his “high powered” selective school - not by the school, but by his parents who seem to have no faith in his potential and are happy to “settle” for what they perceive to be a school with a less demanding curriculum. What a dreadful situation.
In other words he is being labelled a failure - poor kid.

This is nonsense.

It is also very rude, and miles from the truth. They just want him to be happy and to enjoy school. They are not in the least pushy.

User7777

Sadly, whatever school hes at this year, they are all singing from the same songsheet. 2020 has gone, but teachers and the education system are trying to pack two years into one. A whole missed year means the kids have to work harder than ever. It's tough for them, but I know theres My Tutor on the internet. Which he can access, to help him. We only get out of life, what we put in. Oh, and my kid went to a comp. Got 11 GCSEs, at A*.. Never dismiss a comp as non academic.... They may surprise you

I do know about comprehensives. My children both went to one, both went to good universities (one to Cambridge) and got first class degrees. So I’m not dismissing comprehensives, though of course like any other schools they vary in quality.

For heavens sake ask the child himself. Find out what he wants.

My parents made, what they later admitted was a mistake, by making decisions about my and sister's education when I was much the same as this child, without consulting with us. We all looked at two schools. My sister and I wanted to go to one, they chose the other.

Both schools offered a good education, but neither of us was happy at the school we went to.

M0nica - I’m sure they will ask him.

One of our daughters started year seven at a selective girls school.
It quickly became apparent that she was struggling academically, I thought, still do think, that the school is first class, but it wasn’t for her.
I wouldn’t say she was unhappy, she loved parts of it, but I could see she wasn’t really in the right place.
We moved her after a year to a school which suited her much better, and she absolutely loved it, her friends are still her best friends, and she has very happy memories.
I don’t know what would have happened had we left her.
I don’t really approve of hopping about from school to school, but sometimes you have to trust your instincts.

Thank you, Sara1954, that’s very interesting. I agree about sometimes having to trust instincts. I am so glad you made the right choice.

Can't they speak to his form teacher or guidance teacher? There are a lot of unhappy, unsettled and distressed children just now and it could be something like anxiety and depression making him feel like this. DD2 works for CAMHS and will vouch for this as they are run off their feet just now with children (all sorts of presentations) but eating disorders takes precedence just now as many are severely ill with that.
Surely if it is such a good school they will have systems in place for children under achieving? Or less settled? If they are only interested in "high achievers" then it is a very poor school and should be inspected!

Changing schools is a big step, particularly if GS hasn't experienced the rough and tumble of a state comprehensive, possibly larger class sizes, disruptive pupils etc. It might be hard to break into established friendship groups.

Good results are equally important to staff in a comprehensive as in any other school and the pressure will still be there for your GS to get the necessary GCSE passes. It might , however, be easier for him to backslide and fall between the cracks if he chooses slack off. His parents need to talk to the teachers about their son as soon as possible.

At many schools, pupils choose their GCSE options in year 8 so moving him in year 9 could have serious consequences.
As he is already attending a very good school, I would imagine he is in the best place to achieve his potential and receive extra support. It's not nice feeling bottom of the class but a talk to the teachers might put this into perspective and reassure him. They have known him since he was seven so I imagine that concerns would have been raised before now if they thought he was not able to cope.

Thank you, SpringyChicken and Elaine1. I am grateful for your sensible answers.

I did not expect the kind of rudeness and misinterpretation I was subjected to in an earlier reply from MawBeMaw.

I think this "bottom of the class" and "not as clever as others" business is not really relevant and should be avoided. The last thing anyone wants is to make him feel inadequate and a failure. It is maybe best to concentrate on praising his achievements in any area you can find, and point out to him that doing his best is good enough. It is not a competition against others' grades. As long as he is working to HIS full potential that's fine, and his Year 6 results will have confirmed his intelligence. Boys particularly have spurts and dips along the way, but you are right to agree with all our suggestions made from the beginning of the thread to consult with the school.

I am sorry you are upset by MBM's comments. It sounds to me like strong teacher talk which takes place in the classroom, and many teachers on GN do like to speak in a forthright manner where education is concerned. I guess criticising a family's parenting never goes down well as it is hurtful and stays for life. I have tried to think of the all round child in my replies and be as tactful and understanding as possible. You are in an ideal situation as his grandma to assess the situation and make suggestions, and to offer constructive advice if asked. Perhaps he could come to stay with you at half term and you could have a long chat with him on the subject. Good Luck!

This is nonsense

It is also very rude, and miles from the truth. They just want him to be happy and to enjoy school. They are not in the least pushy
Just wish to add the word “pushy” neither crossed my lips nor my keyboard.

Grandma70 I have sent you a PM.

There’s a difference between not being unhappy, and being happy.
I don’t think our daughter was unhappy, but her self confidence was seeping away, and some of the girls were such high flyers, she would always be looking bad in comparison.
She took and passed the entrance exam, but I have wondered, if in a year with less applicants, they lower the bar a bit.
The first day at her new school, she was happy and excited, and had a very happy time there.

MayBeMaw

^This is nonsense^

It is also very rude, and miles from the truth. They just want him to be happy and to enjoy school. They are not in the least pushy
Just wish to add the word “pushy” neither crossed my lips nor my keyboard.

Confession time - I mentioned the p word

It was not directed at your son and DIL, Grandma70s, rather it was musings based on observation.

It was a generalisation based on seeing parents who are what one could term pushy or helicopter parents and the effect this may have on their children.

Grandma70s

Thank you, SpringyChicken and Elaine1. I am grateful for your sensible answers.

I did not expect the kind of rudeness and misinterpretation I was subjected to in an earlier reply from MawBeMaw.

It was me who said pushy!!

And it was neither rude nor an misinterpretation on my part.

In fact, it is you who appears to have misinterpreted what I said and attributed my words to another poster.
It was an observation of what can happen in some instances.

It is nothing to do with us, in fact it should be the decision of the child along with his parents.

Callistemon

Grandma70s

Thank you, SpringyChicken and Elaine1. I am grateful for your sensible answers.

I did not expect the kind of rudeness and misinterpretation I was subjected to in an earlier reply from MawBeMaw.

It was me who said pushy!!

And it was neither rude nor an misinterpretation on my part.

In fact, it is you who appears to have misinterpreted what I said and attributed my words to another poster.
It was an observation of what can happen in some instances.

It is nothing to do with us, in fact it should be the decision of the child along with his parents.

I didn’t say you had been rude and misinterpreted me,
Callistemon. I was referring to someone else.

Have his parents talked with him about this and asked him how he feels? By "selective" do you mean he took the 11+ or he is being privately educated?

Perhaps the parents think that he might be further ahead in a comprehensive school even though he is struggling at his current school. I expect there are many "high flyers" in comprehensive schools too but perhaps there is a greater mix of abilities. Is your grandson worried about not being especially academic or is he picking up the anxiety of his parents?

If you said he was unpopular with other pupils and teachers, and had no friends, I would be much more concerned. Not everybody is good at all subjects or has specific identifiable interests and aptitudes at this age - and as long as he enjoys sports he doesn't have to excel in them. Perhaps he may find he is more drawn towards the arts/English, etc.

I think it's far too early to consider moving him, unless he indicates that he is very unhappy where he is - but I think it is a little naive to imagine that will automatically make things better. It may make them worse as he will be completely unfamiliar with the school, its ethos and the other pupils.