Nero-divergent teenage grandson being bullied

i wouldn't waste my time.
they obviously don't care.
i would remove him and change schools.

Yes, copy every written complaint to the Chair of governors, the head of the Academy chain or the local education authority if it is a LEA school and insist on a meeting to discuss the next academic year because the school is not doing its job in safeguarding this vulnerable child. Plainly the school leadership does not have a complete picture of the escalating harm being done and, however difficult, need to have an action plan in place for September. The incidents reported go well beyond high spirits.

if he's good at exams, could he get into a private school.
most have bursaries.
i wouldn't leave him in that situation.

Would he rather be home schooled it sounds as if he’s acedemically bright enough to teach himself via computers
He can’t stay in this environment he must dread going every day Poor lad

My heart goes out to you Maggie17- and this terrifies me for my darling ASD GS , life seems to be far worse for them in Secondary Education. ??

Why is it when anyone mentions autism it always has to have the add on of ‘high functioning” or ‘bright’ or ‘smart’. Do not ordinary autistic children require the same sort of care and consideration as their ‘bright’ counterparts. It’s like people are embarrassed to say they have a child in the family on the autistic spectrum who isn’t a genius. Autistic children are individuals. No matter what their level of intelligence they deserve respect, considerations and to be treated as individuals. They do not deserve to be bullied, called names or ignored at school because they are different. So many schools say they don’t tolerate bullying yet do absolutely nothing to prevent it.
A teacher told my DGS to “just ignore them”. I would like to see what would happen to a pupil who referred to a teacher as a spastic every day, morning, lunchtime and afternoon. Who follow them round every playtime shouting names at them. I, sure the school would take action then but it appears not if they do it to another child.
Maggie your DGS has the best possible advantage. A Mum, Dad and Grandparent who love and support him.
All I can advise is for them to keep fighting every step of the way. Don’t sit back and let the bullies win. Neurodivergent children have so much to cope with. I hope your grandson comes through this ok. Perhaps he could join some structured outside of school activities like sea scouts or police cadets etc.
I wish you well.

Sadly I think you will fight a losing battle against the bullying. Schools will make all the right noises, say they are tackling it, have all their policies in place and it will continue to happen. You could look at other schools if there are any nearby and see what they are like. The other alternative is home schooling.
As for what you can do. Simply keep assuring him his difference is a strength. Praise his achievements. Find role models who are like him. More and more neurodivergent people are coming out and admitting they have struggled make sure he knows about them. And tell him school isn't like the wider world that there are places where he will be appreciated and understood.If you google neurodiversity there is lots of on-line information and help.

You should make any complaints referring and quoting their anti-bullying policy. If nothing is done by the Head Teacher, you step up the complaint by writing to the Governors. If that doesn't work you refer it to the LEA. However, at any time there is physical bullying, you can refer it to the police. It can also be very effective to fire off a letter from a solicitor. I found removing my son from the school until they had something in place to stop the bullying quite effective. They absolutely hate their attendance rates being lowered.
Of course, none of this should need to happen and I wonder if your GS's parents can work with the school to devise strategies to remove your GS from the situations he is most likely to be bullied.

I would create a log of all the incidents and report the school to OFSTED. You can do this via the OFSTED website. An OFSTED inspection should focus their minds! If the school is inspected, the child’s parents can request a confidential meeting with the inspectors.

The parents need to state that this is a safeguarding issue. Schools have an obligation to keep children safe - physically and emotionally. This school is doing neither.

There is little point in moving schools as you could be going from the frying pan into the fire.
Schools are very good at writing anti bullying policies and dreadful at implementing them.
I would read and understand the schools anti bullying policy and then write to the head of school and the head of governors asking why they have not put a stop to the bullying.
Request a meeting and stand firm, when I was in the same situation with my son his House Master had the temerity to suggest my son was “over sensitive” I wiped the floor with him.
I demanded to know what action they had taken to date with the bully and how they had monitored the situation.
Nothing had been done because the bully was captain of rugby!
When he was eventually pulled in his father was on the phone to us demanding my son retracted the allegations!
The bully was expelled when everything came to light and rather like the “Me Too” campaign another boy came forward.

Just one warning and sorry if this seems really disheartening but I think it is valuable. If the bully is dealt with by the school there is always the chance that the bullying will then take place off school premises on the journey to and from school. This happened to my DS. You will need to make sure your GS is accompanied on his journeys.

As a retired secondary teacher and head of year (known as a head of house in a larger school) I endorse the advice given by TeacherAnne and GrannySomerset. The SENCO and her department where I last worked were excellent in their understanding of and provision for children like your DGS, exactly as TeacherAnne outlines. The head of year/house and safeguarding officer should also be working hard to resolve the issue. If you feel they are not, adopt Sago’s approach with gusto.
Beyond them are headteacher, governors, LA and OFSTED if necessary.
I hope that in Year 8 you have a DGS who is happy, carefree and confident.

I agree with LizzieDrip.
And if that doesn`t work,tell the school you are going to the press.

See what transpires from the meeting on Monday between the parents and presumably the Senco, Head of Year/personal tutor(?). The parents need to prepare a written list of incidents, dates and times and ask what action is being taken against the perpetrators. They need to know what strategies are available to support their son, and also ask to meet the Governor with responsibility for Special needs.

They should arrange a meeting near the beginning of next term to see what action plan has been prepared. Save threats of the Police and Ofsted for next term. Also ask for support for the boy to access strategies for managing social interaction.
All that being said, I do feel sympathy for schools battling bullying, as they are hamstrung by being allowed fewer and fewer sanctions for dealing with out of control feral children. The time taken dealing with these children impinges increasingly on teaching time of senior staff, thus depriving other pupils of their education and just try getting a child suspended, yet alone expelled. Incidentally, there are no conductors on school buses, only drivers.

Change schools or consider home schooling. The little boy needs to be happy.

Skydancer

Change schools or consider home schooling. The little boy needs to be happy.

Home schooling is not an option for parents without the skills to educate properly. It is not an easy option for the parents who often have additional problems when dealing with an ASD child. I find it quite incredible that Home Schooling is continually put forward as an option to resolve all problems. It just brings another host of problems to overcome.

icanhandthemback

Skydancer

Change schools or consider home schooling. The little boy needs to be happy.

Home schooling is not an option for parents without the skills to educate properly. It is not an easy option for the parents who often have additional problems when dealing with an ASD child. I find it quite incredible that Home Schooling is continually put forward as an option to resolve all problems. It just brings another host of problems to overcome.

As someone whose DS came out of school at 14 because of bullying and who is severely dyslexic I strongly oppose the idea that home schooling has to be done by anyone with "skills". It is possible to be out of school, to spend time recovering from the damage done by successive well meaning, but useless, SENCOs, and eventually to find a route into further education through your own interests. And sometimes for neurodivergent children who have really struggled that respite is desperately needed. And I am a professional with over 30 years working in many different schools. I am however wise enough to know that schools are not necessarily places where all children are happy or able to reach their full potential. Sometimes home schooling is just best whatever level it is conducted at. And further education offers opportunities for older children and a different ethos to a school.

Glorianny

Sadly I think you will fight a losing battle against the bullying. Schools will make all the right noises, say they are tackling it, have all their policies in place and it will continue to happen. You could look at other schools if there are any nearby and see what they are like. The other alternative is home schooling.
As for what you can do. Simply keep assuring him his difference is a strength. Praise his achievements. Find role models who are like him. More and more neurodivergent people are coming out and admitting they have struggled make sure he knows about them. And tell him school isn't like the wider world that there are places where he will be appreciated and understood.If you google neurodiversity there is lots of on-line information and help.

I'd sadly agree with this comment....recently a relative of mine has had a dreadful time over the bullying of her daughter at school.
Despite continual verbal and physical attacks, horrendous comments and threats over social media, windows smashed at their home etc the school did absolutely nothing.
Even Police did very little except "talking" to the families of the main culprits involved.

When her daughter actually snapped after 18 months of hell - the school excluded her!

She now in another school and much happier but it's been a long road with no support whatsoever.

Glorianny, I wasn't just talking about academic skills, I was talking about the emotional wherewithal, the living environment and a host of other things that you need to provide as a safe haven 24/7 for the whole of a childhood. We have one autistic grandaughter who is home schooled and it works well. We have also had one grandaughter who was a failed home schooler despite having a mother who was entirely able to educate but totally unsuited to home schooling. It has to be a well thought out considered decision but is too often bandied about as being "the" solution.

icanhandthemback

*Glorianny*, I wasn't just talking about academic skills, I was talking about the emotional wherewithal, the living environment and a host of other things that you need to provide as a safe haven 24/7 for the whole of a childhood. We have one autistic grandaughter who is home schooled and it works well. We have also had one grandaughter who was a failed home schooler despite having a mother who was entirely able to educate but totally unsuited to home schooling. It has to be a well thought out considered decision but is too often bandied about as being "the" solution.

Well actually it doesn't it simply needs understanding and a willingness to look at every available option. My DS refused to attend school when his life was threatened (on the school journey). Nothing was in place. I was working full time. He eventually developed interests which took him on to FE but none of it was planned. It was simply his own efforts his interests and my willingness to give him space that enabled him to access higher education and realise his own abilities. It's also never too late. Neurodivergent children have EHCs until 25 because their progress sometimes isn't at the same speed as others.

Well actually it doesn't it simply needs understanding and a willingness to look at every available option.

Yes, but not everyone has the capability to do that and often being ASD runs in families...being ASD often means not being able to do that. I am not saying that Homeschooling is a terrible idea, I just think it has to be well thought through before making such a decision. It is not a catch-all solution.

^My DS refused to attend school when his life was threatened (on the school journey). Nothing was in place. I was working full time. He eventually developed interests which took him on to FE but none of it was planned. It was simply his own efforts his interests and my willingness to give him space that enabled him to access higher education and realise his own abilities. It's also never too late. Neurodivergent children have EHCs until 25 because their progress sometimes isn't at the same speed as others.

Sorry, I pushed enter before I'd finished editing.

Neurodivergent children have EHCs until 25 because their progress sometimes isn't at the same speed as others.

Sorry, but some ND children have EHC's. Many, many parents are reporting that their ASD children do not have them because the schools are not supporting them in this and it is much harder to get one for a child who is not in school. I spend many hours sign posting parents for help in this matter because they don't need the school to apply for one. Unfortunately, no matter what the law says, councils will rely heavily on a teacher's assessment. My Grandaughter was denied one because the school refused to "believe" she was ASD despite having a CAHM's diagnosis. Rather than keep fighting, my DIL removed her daughter from the School system.

I didn't mean every child has one simply that late developing in ND children is recognised and acknowledged. So that even if the child doesn't have recognised qualifications at the same age as others they can develop skills and pursue education through other means when they are older.
I know how hard it is to have a child properly assessed and their difficulties recognised and even when they are given a proper diagnosis there will still be members of staff who think they can sort the whole thing out, and the child just needs to apply themselves.
It is such a pity that there isn't real provision in the school system now.

MaggieT7. So very sad to hear of this bullying of your grandson, it is heart-breaking. I think the advice from VioletSky and Teacheranne is very sound. I would certainly not suggest moving him to a different school at this stage, without escalating to the authorities, including the police, the dreadful treatment he has endured. I do hope the matter is satisfactorily resolved, without further suffering to your grandson. Please keep us updated. ?