Grandson has failed his Degree

Goodness, so much talk about "success" and "failure", he's barely an adult and if that is the worst thing that happens to him in his life, I'd say he's been very successful (whatever that means). I'm sure I'm not the only one on here who "disappointed" their parents but tbh I wasn't born to give my parents what they desired and neither is your GS. We all have to find our own way and decide for ourselves what we want out of life. Just give him love and let him know you value him for who he is, not what he "might" become. Don't worry, I bet he'll be fine.

GSM How do I get my posts deleted ?? I’ve realised I was far too specific but not what you mean by “outed” but I have no desire to damage them in any way

Don’t dwell on it. Help him to see that it genuinely isn’t the end of the world, which it really isn’t. This is just one disappointment in a young life, many more opportunities will open up to him, so help him to face them with confidence in a positive future.

crazyH

Thank you all again- will update after our trip to Bluestone

Sorry CrazyH, I should not have allowed someone to wind me up.

Best wishes to you and your grandson.

You are lovely

Thanks Oreo, always a pleasure.
I wasn’t aware that you were an expert in the vagaries of academia.
None the less, I shall remain proud of my first from Scumbag College; my MA from a Russell Group and a teaching degree.

He's lucky to have such a loving and understanding gran crazy. Enjoy your trip.

is that where the smurfs came from, they were blue.
with white hats.
hope you all have a nice time.

Thank you all again- will update after our trip to Bluestone

That poor boy. I sometimes think the parents want their children to get degrees so that they can brag to their friends. These young people are put under so much pressure.

OP
All you can do is to be there for your DGS and listen if he wants to talk.
Your DD may be annoyed that he wasted his time at Uni cos he didn’t bother doing much studying and did too much socialising?
Only your family know why he failed.
If he’s open about it and will talk to you all that’s the best thing at this stage.

FannyCornforth

Joseann

So did David Dimbleby get a third!
I used to be a bit of an intellectual snob and think where the degree was from was more important than its grade. Now I'm far more impressed by a person's honest work ethic and their character, degree or not.

I’ve always thought that it’s more difficult to get a good mark from Scumbag College than Oxbridge, because you are likely to get better teaching and resources at the latter.

But as the proud alumnus of a Scumbag College, I would say that!

Wrong.
Far easier to get a good degree grade from a ‘Scumbag’ Uni than from Oxbridge.

Maybe just have him to stay and not discuss his failing of his degree (unless he does of course). Going out for walks, busying yourselves in the garden etc., so he has something else to think about. Worrying about what possibilities are out there can come later.

Neither of us are academic, we both left school at 16. Married the moment I left school. He is 2 years older, had saved the deposit, purchased my GP home, where we still live, prior to our marriage.

He started his own business at 20, has been very successful. I keep up with his numbers and books, ready for his Accountant, a worthy task.

I suspect GS will find his own way, we did.

Be kind to him in his sadness.

I expect he knows deep down if a retake will make any difference or if he should just go out and find a job. Support him in either decision.

just a thought, OP; dismiss if inapplicable.
i'm guessing your GS is taller and fitter than you.
could you subtly big him up by having him change those light-bulbs you cannot reach, move a few boxes in out the loft, clean high windows etc.
just now and again. if he doesn't mind.
thank him for being around, say how useful it is for you to have a helpful young man to stay.

there are so many jobs and roles that most people and esp teenagers, have never heard of.
we have seen examples above of how sometimes a random move leads to finding something the person can get really stuck into.
it's a big wide world out there.

There is an intensive shortage of Class 1 lorry drivers and the ones there are tend to be coming up to retirement age so wages will get higher as the shortage bites.

OP I know you said his mum and Uncles are academic but it seems your dgs may not be. I can tell you if your dgs can drive he could do an intensive 1 week Class 2 lorry driving course. He could get a job earning around £40k. After 2 or 3 years of doing this he could do the intensive 1 week Class 1 Course and if he passes that test could drive a Class 1 lorry. He could earn £50k plus doing this. My son had excellent A level grades but astounded with us by saying he did not want to go to Uni. He wanted to drive lorries. It cost about £2300 to do the intensive course which we paid for as not having to contribute to Uni cost, and he passed his Class 2 test then he got his first lorry job. After 3 years he took a week's holiday and booked in an intensive week course and exam for Class 1 passed and applied for a different job and got it. He starts work anywhere between 6 and 7.30 am and finishes by 6pm but sometimes by 4pm. He doesn't work weekends but could do and would get paid more. His older sister with a good degree and Masters earns less than him.

Poor lad. As many have said, it is not the ‘be all and end all’. One of my nieces dropped out from Uni. My mother had recently died and my niece took it very hard. She transferred to another course the following year and then decided that it just wasn’t for her. She is now 29 and has a fantastic job managing a team of 120 people at the Council. She is also happily married, happy in her life and a credit to her parents. Not only has it not held her back, it has been the making of her. I wish your grandson well and hope he finds the right path for him.

there was an old family near here, very established in the community as it had grown from agricultural to urban, over the generations.
the father was a doctor as was his first son.
the second son was expected to do the same.
this was before the nhs and they had a distinctive family name and good reputation, so, much work.
the second son had to take his finals 3 times; some doubted whether he ever really passed them.
his father had connections, was owed favours.
patients of let us call him fred, said he was not a good doctor, only went to him if no one else avail.
eventually fred retired and became what he had always wanted to be, a priest.

Please don't worry that he hasn't had a girlfriend. Someone I went to school had never had a girlfriend by the age of about 30. He told one of us he would like to get married, found someone and then went on to have a couple of children.

Poor lad maybe the expectations of family importance has played a bigger part than you all believe. I’d give the lad a break, sensitive and no girlfriends hopefully he has good lad friends because honestly there are far worse things to worry or get annoyed over. I think his mum should be concerned for his mental health rather than her own annoyance .

@crazyH he's lucky he's got you stepping in and looking out for him. I'm so glad he has as mental health is a massive issue - particularly with young men (who don't tend to speak out).

Just be there for him, love and support him and if he will talk, listen and offer guidance or suggest where he might get it.

Like others have said - University is the first port of call. Surely there will be a provision for such an instance where he can look at next options; resits, etc.

I hate that parents put pressure on children to follow certain paths when clearly we are not all of the same mould.

There are so many reasons why your grandson might have failed his exams and whatever that reason is - he is a person that clearly needs love, support and nurturing through this hiccup. That's all it is.

He will find his way and soon you'll look back on this as just a stepping stone along the way and he too will make his mark.

Good luck and give yourself a pat on the back for being a wonderful human being and in particularly a very supportive grandma. Well done you. I miss my Granny so much. Ones like you are a special breed xx

Never despair..my nephew dropped out of uni and seemed as if he would never get a job, then he was a barista at Costa Coffee, managed some branches, trained others and now has a good job at a very good estate agents in London, sometimes, being pushed to be academic just doesn't work. He will find his way, just support him through this by being patient and showing you love him anyway

I second both the advice to find out whether he can resit his finals, or what alternative his university suggests, and the advice to give you daughter a right talking-to.

She has a right to feel agrieved if the young man has failed because he didn't do a stroke of work while at university and his mother paid the fees, but this is not really very likely.

Apart from that, you could sit your grandson down and ask him, what HE wants to do now. Is it the end of his world that he has failed, because all he ever wanted to be was whatever his degree would have made him?

If this is the case, he needs to find a way of persuing his dream, If he only went to university to please his mum, now is the time for him to make a bid to do or become whateverhe really, really would like.

In either case I am glad to hear that you are trying to help him.