Grandson has failed his Degree

I am not surprised that he is upset! His parents have jettisoned him onto you as they are so disappointed in him - how must that make him feel?!

All is not lost. You first need to look at the positives:
- he has coped at university for 3 years and will have gained a great deal of knowledge about managing by himself, and relating to others.
- he has had a setback and now has a real learning opportunity to face this and deal with it.

You need to tell him all the things that are good about him - that he is sensitive/kind/thoughtful - or whatever applies to him.

And you need to help him with the next step. Encourage him to look at what his options are: can he talk with the uni about what the possibilities there might be? Can he look up other ways forward (apprenticeships, traineeships etc.)?

Above all else he needs to know that you have faith in him and that you love him just as he is.

TBH I am quite shocked by what his parents have done: He is staying for a few days with me, because his Mum (my daughter) is quite annoyed. That is truly shocking. They should be smothering him in love and support and help to move forward. I am sure that you will fulfil that role well; but it is hugely disappointing that his own parents have ducked out of this.

I know my DDs would have had our support and backing in every possible way if they had found themselves in that situation.

Cheer up. It's not the end of the world!

One of my boys dropped out of uni with just 2 terms to go. We tried to persuade him to finish, to get that piece of paper, but he was adamant that he was wasting his time.
He wanted a career in filmmaking and found a place on a practical short course which suited him much better. Through that he made contacts, was able to help other film makers and learned the trade. Now, years later he's a successful producer, doing what he loves and the lack of a university degree has not held him back.
His sister also dropped out of her degree course, changed direction completely and graduated later at another university in something else.

My nephew failed his 2nd year at uni and his friend contacted DB to say she was worried about his mental health. His parents spoke to uni and GP and he took a year out, got a job and saved some money and redid his 2nd year. He has just finished that and will go into 3rd year after summer. DB had to speak to uni and he has had some help. He has dyspraxia and parents have paid a bit more time encouraging him.

SueDonim

Doodledog said Assuming that he has passed his second year, he will be entitled to a DipHE (Diploma in Higher Education), which is equivalent to an HND, and should be able to graduate with those letters after his name, and attend the ceremony with his peers.

I think the above is what I mentioned in my earlier post. Hopefully the lad will come out of his student years with something.

Sorry if I repeated you. I would have sworn that I posted that a couple of days ago but maybe I was dreaming.

Fleurpepper

Of course Iam 64 - lots of different ways to your own form of success. I'd be the first one to say so.

But if a student wants to get to any post grad training scheme that will lead to top echelons of any profession, a 2.1 is the minimum required, and often, a First.

Nope Not necessarily true.
DH qualified as a Chartered Accountant after gaining his “Gentleman’s Degree” with a top City firm of accountants, passing all his exams at the first attempt.

Doodledog

A third is NOT a fail. It is an honours degree. A pass degree is not a fail either.

Good grief.

I agree!
A Third used to be what was referred to as a “Gentleman’s Degree”
It is not a Fail, but still an Honours degree,

sodapop

That's a really helpful comment MayBee70

Your grandson must be grateful for your support crazyH seems the rest of his family are not sympathetic. Give him a bit of space now then regroup, lots of helpful advice on here. Seems like the end of the world but it really isn't.

Many years ago we had an American man stay with us. I think he must have been working with my husband for a while. When he told me how much he had spent to obtain a degree I was shocked because my generation had been able to go to University and leave it debt free. So I’ve never really got my head round the fact that young people start their adult life with so much debt. And it must make it very hard for students that want to change to another course or realise that University isn’t for them but still have that debt. Even if you don’t have to start paying it back until you earn a certain amount it’s still something that you owe. Then the government changed the interest rate without it getting much (if any) publicity. We paid the tuition fees for our two and supported them through university. It all costs so much more now and it saddens me.

Doodledog said Assuming that he has passed his second year, he will be entitled to a DipHE (Diploma in Higher Education), which is equivalent to an HND, and should be able to graduate with those letters after his name, and attend the ceremony with his peers.

I think the above is what I mentioned in my earlier post. Hopefully the lad will come out of his student years with something.

Fortunately, my daughter has a good job and is able to manage

This is one hurdle an adult will phase - many more to come

No need to exaggerate and baby an adult

Thank you all - this is why I love GNetters, honest opinions. All your replies have made me feel better. Btw, for all intents and purposes my daughter is a single parent. She is divorced from their father, who thinks that taking them (they have an 18 year old daughter as well). on holiday once a year, is sufficient parental contribution. The less said about him, the better.
Fortunately, his parents are the most wonderful grandparents, but do a lot of travelling. Being divorced, I have more time on my hands and probably a bit more ‘easy come easy go’. Thanks again xx

It seems your daughter is getting a lot of flack for being unsupportive of your DGS. We have no idea what their relationship was or how well he applied himself to his studies. Maybe she is at wits end after being very supportive and now feels let down. Maybe she sees her sons failure as hers also and unable to brag to friends and associates as she was expecting. It is unfair to assume and speculate on what we dont know.

But yes it's a very difficult time for you all. I hope this all settles soon and your DGS will find the right path for himself. Enjoy your time away with your family

A third is NOT a fail. It is an honours degree. A pass degree is not a fail either.

Good grief.

Your comments must be cheering the OP fleur

Doodledog, 'A degree is so much more than the paper it is written on, and after the first job, nobody cares what class of degree someone gets anyway.'

totally- but a fail of 3rd makes it much more difficult to get that first job. Your application will just go in the bin, for so so many jobs.

Of course Iam 64 - lots of different ways to your own form of success. I'd be the first one to say so.

But if a student wants to get to any post grad training scheme that will lead to top echelons of any profession, a 2.1 is the minimum required, and often, a First.

I know, Iam. I have seen generations of students graduate and go on to careers all over the world. The ones with 'good' degrees might snap up the traditional routes such as Management Schemes/Civil Service fast track, but give it five years and their fortunes often have nothing to do with their class of degree. One of them is currently being managed by another, several rungs up. The manager wasn't a spectacular student but the one he's managing got a first.

Talk about elitist, suggesting anything below a 2.1 no good for management training schemes. There’s more to life after university than management training
Let’s hope the OPs grandson follows his curiosity rather than feeling huge pressure to achieve - whatever achieve May mean

welbeck

a 3rd is not a fail. it is still an honours degree.
below that is a pass. which is still a degree.
and then below that is fail.

This is absolutely true.

FP, management training schemes are not the be all and end all. For heaven's sake! People are celebrating after years of work, and there is always someone who rains on their parade.

A degree is so much more than the paper it is written on, and after the first job, nobody cares what class of degree someone gets anyway.

When it comes to Management training schemes, etc, welbeck, anything below a 2.1 is basically not worth the paper it is written on, realistically.

a 3rd is not a fail. it is still an honours degree.
below that is a pass. which is still a degree.
and then below that is fail.

I would have a strong word with your daughter TBH, I bet her annoyance is more about how she will look to her friends , siblings work colleagues especially if they have children also graduating this year
I would make try and ask your grandson what he thinks went wrong, say you are not judging but sometimes talking about it helps to bring everything into perspective, if it purely his last exam / submitted work if he hasn't been told by his lectures in that last year that his work wasn't quite making the grade it might be that he can 're -submit his last bit or ask for a re-consideration. I
My own daughter went to Uni and dropped out , after doing the first year twice.
She has always worked may not have been the highest earner but certainly compatible to her uni friends.

My son failed his degree. The University advised him to resit his final module, but by then he was totally disillusioned with the course and disappointed by the quality of the lecturers that he wouldn't go back. He got a job in hospitality which he enjoyed and where he met his wife.
Covid forced the small hotel he helped run to close. He soon found another job, this time in a factory. He is happier now than I've ever known him.
Your grandson needs time to think about whether he wants to resit or do something completely different. I hope your family support him on whatever he decides to do.

Does he know why he failed? Are his parents annoyed because they know he has not been putting the hard graft in, and his failure is his 'fault/responsibility'? As GSM says, hard to advise without knowing the background to his failure. Was it his choice of course, and was he 'pushed' in that direction?

So many of our top entrepreneurs were 'failures' and used the failure to find out what they really want, and turn everything round. 'Failure' can be a real impetus to succeed, i a different way.

It is quite unusual for universities to 'upgrade' degrees. If they did, everyone would 'have a go'. If there has been a reason to appeal, with evidence of the university not doing something it should have, there may be a chance, but I wouldn't pin my hopes on it.

A 3rd isn't a fail, though. If anyone's GC has just been awarded one, it is still an honours degree - please don't see it as a fail.