School refuser, advice needed!

I don't think some posters understand skilled apprenticeships and what they entail at all.

Allira

I don't want to employ a tradesperson, especially an electrician, who has not managed to gain a qualification in Maths, English and Physics.

They might be perfectly able to do the job but not good at sitting written exams. I get terrible brain fog when I am working under exam conditions but can understand and use the stuff I have learned in every day work.

I don't want to employ a tradesperson, especially an electrician, who has not managed to gain a qualification in Maths, English and Physics.

They don’t have to have GCSEs although an employer might prefer a candidate to have maths and English. However if they don’t have them they’ll need to do Functional Skills quals in these subjects.

Interesting. As school doesn't suit everyone, it could be a route in. However, the two year course aims towards five GCSEs too, necessary for anyone who wants to go on and qualify as a skilled tradesperson.

Allira
www.google.com/url?q=https://higherin.com/careers-advice/exploring-options/apprenticeships-without-gcses&sa=U&sqi=2&ved=2ahUKEwixp7Sxo4aTAxV9a0EAHZb_C9QQFnoECCYQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1EQCb_WNkei9namRPSzbW4

Level 2, no GCSE’s required.

Electrician, Mechanic, Plumbing apprentices etc need 5 GCSEs at grades A-C to be accepted, including English, Maths and generally a Science.

Allira

Apprentices will need GCSEs to a certain grade before they'll even be considered.

Are you sure? A commis chef apprenticeship for example doesn't need GCSEs. I think any Level 2 course is the same.

Apprentices will need GCSEs to a certain grade before they'll even be considered.

You definitely need to harangue the local authority regarding funding for the college course as colleges do have capacity to take 14 year olds, however it might be on a course for those unable to access school. You no need to enquire about alternative provision. Also, please be aware that when considering an apprenticeship once he’s 16, there is quite a large element of written work under these newer style apprenticeships. Also, please ignore the ignorant people who think that mum can just get a 14 year old to school. Seriously, where do these people come from.

Allira

petra

Jojo1950

Just send/take him to school. No other way.
He’s playing up because he has no father. Sorry but not unusual.

Give me strength. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Are you volunteering to go and take him yourself, Jojo1950?

It's bad enough strapping a toddler into his car seat when he doesn't want to go to nursery!

He is NOT choosing to be naughty!!!
He is a distressed, unhappy boy. And needs help, support and kindness.
I must say, your choice of words show an incredible lack of awareness and emotional intelligence.

petra

Jojo1950

Just send/take him to school. No other way.
He’s playing up because he has no father. Sorry but not unusual.

Give me strength. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Are you volunteering to go and take him yourself, Jojo1950?

Jojo1950

Just send/take him to school. No other way.
He’s playing up because he has no father. Sorry but not unusual.

Give me strength. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Now she has enquired about enrolling him in a college nearby to do a practical course and has been told that because she voluntarily decided to homeschool him, she would have to fund the cost of any course herself

This is totally unacceptable, sankev.

Are you in the UK?
If so, the Local Authority has a statutory duty under the Education Act 1996 to ensure children in their area receive a suitable, full-time education.

If any child unable to attend school for any reason the LA also has a statutory duty under the Education Act 1996 to ensure children in their area receive a suitable alternative education.

Your DD needs to contact her local Councillor, perhaps MP too, as the LA is failing in its duty to your DGS to find and fund suitable education for him.

Unfortunately my 5’2” DD is unable to just take her 6’1” son to school! Believe me I wish it was that simple. A college apprenticeship is an option we explored, because we realise he is very much like the rest of our family he is more comfortable using practical skills rather than academic. The problem is that after many meetings with his last school and constantly being called in to collect him on the days she was able to get him there, the school suggested he be home schooled. They said he would probably do better. So my daughter changed her working hours and pulled him out of school and told them she was home schooling him. Now she has enquired about enrolling him in a college nearby to do a practical course and has been told that because she voluntarily decided to homeschool him, she would have to fund the cost of any course herself. She can’t afford to do that. I couldn’t believe that this was the case until I read the email myself! Right now I just feel that if we could just convince the education authorities, the very same one that refused to help with a practical college course, that he is safe and we are doing everything we can to support him, for the next two years he will come out the other side in one piece. As much as his uncle would take him out on jobs with him now, because he is quite a mature young person, legally he isn’t allowed. Again thank you all. There are some excellent suggestions which I will pass on to my daughter to explore.

I agree with Monica. Did the school offer any pastoral care? He can work from home ,there are loads of programmes of study ,that are free.Have you got Camms near you? He could have a cooling off period ,due to mental health ,then return to school.If he is determined to not go to school ,he needs to have counselling.Does he have any friends? Hobbies?

I went to 13 primary schools which didn’t particularly enjoy as I was always the “ new girl “ and had few friends. I could have made as much fuss as possible about not wanting to get on the plane or train to my hated boarding school. I never understood why an education was important and didn’t engaged with anything I couldn’t see the relevance of. But like others in my situation we went because we had to and that was what was expected of us. Refusing to do what I was told to do usually resulted in a very painful “tanned backside “.
I’m not suggesting returning to it being acceptable to hit children at all. But who is in control? The parent or the child?

Surely going to school is not a negotiable activity. Staying at home instead doing what you want to do is not acceptable. How on earth do these situations happen? Why are we allowing children to dictate what they are and are not going to do.

I read an article today which suggests that children of the 60’s are particularly resilient. We didn’t have our parents reading psychology books on parenting. We played outside all day, no one knew where we were. We solved practical problems, building dens etc. We sorted out friendship problems ourselves without parental intervention. We learned about failure and achievements. We pushed ourselves but knew our limits. We dealt with being called names and got on with it. We didn’t have constant entertainment and we had to wait for treats. Weekends weren’t devoted to keeping us occupied and we learned how to be bored. We got on with life and developed life skills. Surely allowing a child to dictate ( maybe from a very early age and not setting acceptable boundaries) what they will or will not do is not doing them any favours.

Way back in 1994 I collected my youngest son from primary school and he told me he was not going to school again!
Of course I took him back as usual the next morning, had a word with the Head, who said who said he'd have a word with his class teacher to see what was wrong.
Well, four years on from that date he was still not in full school attendance. We tried changing schools, which didn't work, so we voluntarily went for home schooling.
I think the home tutor came for an hour a day.
At weekends he played golf and went out with his friends so he was still socialising.
He did return to senior school prior to exams and from there went to do a sports course at our local college.
Then started labouring for a local builder, who encouraged him to do Maths evening class, then he did a bricklaying apprenticeship.
At age 43 he now runs his own local building company and can also be seen on DIY SOS as part of the build team:-)
Coincidentally another lad who lived near us was a school refuser as well and he now runs a local rendering firm.
Having a child refuse school is mega stressful and I found it very isolating as well.
My advice would be as follows:
Contact the charity Education Otherwise.
Always think of your son in Positive terms, tell yourself there will be a good outcome! Believe me, it certainly helped us.
If he leaves with zero qualifications he can still learn and progress.
Do not go down the route of it must be Mental Health problems.
I used to remember the words of Churchill: Never, Never, never give up!
Good luck to you and your son::-)

It is an inconvenient truth for divorcing parents who have adolescent boys that boys, much more than girls, suffer from the lack of a biological father taking an interest in their lives, and their education and guiding a young man towards adulthood. It sounds to me your poor grandson is depressed and unable to express properly how he feels. The author Steve Biddulph writes on this subject.
If your daughter could consider how to approach the father and make him understand what is going on. If she has already tried this without success, maybe an empathetic friend or family member could tell him he needs to assume some responsibility for the poor lad.

Although he is being home schooled, I think your GS will still be on the school role. They still have a duty of care to help. He should be referred to an Educational Psychologist, which the school can still do. They may even do an initial home assessment. Or as someone else suggested contact the Special Educational team at county. It's important to be honest with them and explain the difficulties he and you DD are going through. He is worth that and has every right to enjoy a better life with good opportunities ahead of him. Please get that help. All the best

Rather than say is refusing to go to school the term Emotionally Based School Avoidance is more common only used these days. We have been through this with my granddaughter, who was out of school for two years. There are lots of face book groups that offer support and information that might be useful. It’s a long road but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Anybody who thinks you can "just send a child to school" has no idea how difficult it is when they refuse to go. I have seen a child carried into school screaming but you can't do that with a 14 years old and it didn't help the original child much either. Autistic children and ADHD children are often accused of just being naughty and that is normally because there is a lack of understanding about how these things present themselves.

Slightest thing and he just gives up.
That is so common with neurological problems.

School wasn’t a problem until high school.
I have seen this in my own family. More demands are made at senior school with change in classes, buildings, teachers, etc triggering anxiety which wasn't there before. The gap also widens with the children who can adjust and those who can't.

"Dad has moved on with a new partner and refuses to help."
Is this a recent development? Whilst it could have some bearing on the situation, I doubt it is the whole story.

They said because she chose to go down the home schooling route and he wasn’t actually expelled from school that she is responsible.

That just isn't true. Your grandson has a right to education. However, your daughter needs to decide what she wants them to do. Does she want them to get him back into mainstream education? Also, if your grandson won't go to see the GP, your daughter can still access advice from your GP to find out what he can do to help her with her son's mental health. My grandaughter had people come to the house to engage with her.

I have an American friend who homeschooled her 2 children. She just let them get on with it and after 6 months they were fed up with gaming on their computers and actually started to show an interest in other things. They both ended up going to University and fulfilling their potential

We accessed an Ed Psych when my son was younger because he started truanting. The advice was to make home a safe space and when he chose to do what he was interested in, he would. The biggest proviso was that we should keep him on the straight and narrow because once he deviated it would be much harder to pull things back. He did carry on going to school (which was stressful for all of us) but he now has a good job and his recent ADHD diagnosis along with the medication has made an extraordinary difference to his mental health. I can't count how many teachers, parents, grandparents told me there was nothing wrong with him and that just made everything harder. It certainly made me feel like a failure as a parent and I spent many an unhappy hour wondering if I was "giving in" and making excuses for him.

Is he socialising with his friends, does he go out or just stay at home online or playing games? Does he interact with his siblings, what do they think about his school refusing? Does he join in family activities, outings, visits to family, meals out etc, is it just school or is his whole life affected? Your daughter must be very worried, encourage her to get help from outside agencies or this will worsen and could take a devastating turn.

Yes, the first place to try is the LEA, as theyve been very good with my granddaughter who has had school issues.But also your daughters/grandsons drs surgery, she can ask if they can pay a home visit, explain he's refused to go to surgery, and say whats been happening, and that she believes he needs a CAHMS/SEN refferal.Home visits are like gold dust i know, but they do reserve a few for when poeople cant come into surgery.