School refuser, advice needed!

See the GP and ask for a referral to the Children's psychological service. If there is a long wait, and there may be, then, if you can afford it ask for a referral to a private child phsychological service.

This child obviously has mental health problems and the schools he was at should have picked this up and made the referral themselves. I think it is unlikely that your daughter could be summoned or fined because your DGS is not attending school because the reasons he is absent is so obvious due tto, what I would describe as, severe mental health problems.

He could also be suffering from depression, possibly as the result of the breakdown of his parent's marriage and his fathe has a new partner and clearly has lost interest in him.

sankev
If you are in the UK your DD should contact her local council’s education department. They will have a specialised team to help with these issues.

Is there any sign of autism or adhd ? This may help . You need to contact the Sen department at the council and have a chat with the local senco x

I doubt if either of the two schools had time to form much of a relationship with the boy, plus the time he is being home-schooled, or not. His mother should ask for an assessment via their doctor or the Education department. I would not say he has severe mental health problems, a stupid term to use without a diagnosis, but I think his father's desertion has compounded his lack of confidence and anxiety.

Your daughter needs help as well; she is clearly trying to do her best but needs professional support and advice as she is having to cope on her own.

Is he very bright?

Does he have an idea of what he would like to do when he is an adult?

Did something happen to him outside school, to trigger him into not wanting to learn?

I agree,*eazybee*,it's neither necessary nor advisable to go down the "mental health problems" route immediately. In my experience this won't be the first time a child is being thoroughly naughty, but that's for the experts to decide not the parent who is often too involved and too desperate to fully assess the situation.

I think having your father walk away and not care about you any more is enough to throw any 14 year old boy off track and into rebellion.

Parental rejection is incredibly painful and damaging, no matter how hard the other parent tries.

Sadly, a solution to that is not easy to find.

Sounds like your daughter needs some support and advice on home schooling. There are a number of organisations she can find online, including HEAS. Your gs does not have to follow the national curriculum closely and with a bit of help, it’s very possible, that he will be able to progress educationally. If during this, it comes to light that he needs some psychological support, I’m sure that would be available too.

Thank you for all your replies. Personally I believe he is just choosing to be naughty’ simply because he knows his mom isn’t able to do anything about it! I don’t believe he is autistic or adhd but have tried to get her to take him to the gp. He refused to go! She has requested help but all she is getting at the moment are demands for her to show how his home schooling is developing! They said because she chose to go down the home schooling route and he wasn’t actually expelled from school that she is responsible. It was really a matter of her jumping before he was shoved! She felt it was better than him being expelled long term It also means she can’t get funding for him to attend a college now he has turned 14! It’s all such a mess and she seems to be running around in circles and getting nowhere.

Poor boy. He’s digging himself into a hole isn’t he. Can his mother build on something, anything, that he likes doing? His father may just not want to face the problem he’s created ànd may pull round later, but that’s not much help now.
You don’t say who your daughter is dealing with. Could she go over the head of whoever it is?
Is there a local youth service? Youth workers are very skilled people.
Anything I would say to get him engaging in something without seeming to lose face by complying, wh he obvs isn’t ready to do.

I was wondering, how is he with the computer? So much school learning is done this way these days, that maybe his mum could set up some work to do and let him tackle it independently. Then she could come along and ask him about it to keep the communication going.

BBC Bitesize covers KS3 and KS4 and is free. Maybe that's worth a go?

I’m about to go to bed but please look up NEET advice and solutions

And seek professional help with his education as mentioned by others here. Good luck!

My granddaughter was the same, changed schools still didn't want to go so we went down the home school route.She was fortunate to receive help from CAHMS,ended up coming to live with us for a year,attended a college more suited to her needs,she now has an apprenticeship with Tesco,has moved back home and is thriving....

As an erstwhile teacher am wondering if the boy might have difficulties reading or writing, as they get older they get better at masking by acting up or truanting, or in your DDs case her son could just be refusing any schooling at all. Dyslexia is possible but usually diagnosed at Junior school level, however, this doesn’t rule out other problems with literacy. Was he struggling at school, not handing in homework, having detentions for this, acting up in class etc?
It just sounds like avoidance tactics to me, rather than simply being naughty.

Years ago when all state schools were LEA, they'd provide a few hours a week of home tuition for pupils who weren't in school (pregnant or broken leg, awaiting placement whatever). The modern day equivalent seems to be Education Otherwise Than At School (EOTAS). I suggest she has a look to see what's available locally in her area

Home education is a choice made by the parent(s).
Once you take a child out of school it is entirely your responsibility to see that they get an education suited to their "age ability and aptitude and any special educational needs they may have."

This is the issue. She was obviously badly advised to take him out - as if he was still registered with a school the Local Educational Authority would be obliged to help.

There was a period some years ago when schools were "suggesting" home education to the parents of "difficult" children - now they aren't allowed to do this.

However, I'd check with the local college as many now have home education or age 14 plus sections that are less pressure than school.

Did he agree to the move to home education?
Or was it a fait accompli?

sankev

Thank you for all your replies. Personally I believe he is just choosing to be naughty’ simply because he knows his mom isn’t able to do anything about it! I don’t believe he is autistic or adhd but have tried to get her to take him to the gp. He refused to go! She has requested help but all she is getting at the moment are demands for her to show how his home schooling is developing! They said because she chose to go down the home schooling route and he wasn’t actually expelled from school that she is responsible. It was really a matter of her jumping before he was shoved! She felt it was better than him being expelled long term It also means she can’t get funding for him to attend a college now he has turned 14! It’s all such a mess and she seems to be running around in circles and getting nowhere.

I am sorry *sankev' but it is clear that you are one of those people who have no time for all this mental health nonsense.

But if a 14 year old is doing what your grandson is doing even if you think I believe he is just choosing to be naughty’ simply because he knows his mom isn’t able to do anything about it!

Then the fact he is doing that says there is a mental health issue because a normal well-balanced 14 year old will not behave like that. Personally, and this is just cod phsychology, as I have no ualifications of any kind, but to me he sounds deeply depressed.

His mother should talk to his doctor or practice mental health specialist(who may be a nurse) about him. At 14, he is still young enough for that to be possible. It does not matter whether he will attend the appointment. She should go on her own, but ask to see the mental health specialist.

As so often the voice of common sense from MOnica.

Well, there could be so so many reasons he’s “refusing” education.

Home schooling, particularly at Secondary level is a massive task.

There could be so many reasons, or combinations of reasons, why your DGS is acting like this and I’d go with the GP referral, and this is from personal experience with my now adult children, if it can be afforded I’d consider private child psychologist or psychiatrist appointment to rule out (or in) any conditions.

In any event I wish you all well.

Btw, in which country are you all living?

There are a lot of children around his age who seem to have developed school phobia.
He is not naughty, he may not even know why he is behaving this and he needs professional help.

It could be anxiety over a combination of things; Covid lockdowns, moving to a larger school which could be overwhelming, there could be bullying going on which he is not talking about and school is not aware of or, like many schools, is not dealing with adequately. Bullying does not necessarily mean physical bullying or even face to face, it could be via social media and can be insidious.

Fining parents is not the answer. They need help and, from what I have read on here, he needs an urgent referral to CAHMS.
Possibly he chooses his options around now so he need help if he is going to get back into mainstream schooling. Obviously home schooling is not the answer here.

I hope help will be available for him asap, sankev.

sankev

Thank you for all your replies. Personally I believe he is just choosing to be naughty’ simply because he knows his mom isn’t able to do anything about it! I don’t believe he is autistic or adhd but have tried to get her to take him to the gp. He refused to go! She has requested help but all she is getting at the moment are demands for her to show how his home schooling is developing! They said because she chose to go down the home schooling route and he wasn’t actually expelled from school that she is responsible. It was really a matter of her jumping before he was shoved! She felt it was better than him being expelled long term It also means she can’t get funding for him to attend a college now he has turned 14! It’s all such a mess and she seems to be running around in circles and getting nowhere.

Your reasoning is stupidly simplistic!

For the sake of the boy, please do urge your daughter to take the advice of all the grans whose posts preceded my post.