Gransnet forums


I don’t know who I am

(34 Posts)
Lfranc72 Thu 04-Jul-19 18:33:13

I am 72 and have been married for 39 years.

SalsaQueen Thu 04-Jul-19 18:47:34

I'm 60 and have been married for 39 years. What's wrong?

Gonegirl Thu 04-Jul-19 18:49:12

So, are you estranged from yourself?

You got married when you were 33. HTH.

EllanVannin Thu 04-Jul-19 19:27:05

Well if you don't know who you are by now there's not much going for you is there ?

annodomini Thu 04-Jul-19 19:43:55


aggie Thu 04-Jul-19 19:48:31

I am who I am , I was mrs A s wee girl , bs big sister , mr o s wife and now am Ks Mother , ( poor lassie is my image ) and Mros widow ............... sigh

M0nica Thu 04-Jul-19 20:09:30

Did she start, change her mind and post rather than delete?

I do hope Lfranc72 comes back with more confidence to let us know what her difficulty is so we can offer her help and advice.

Many women who have deoted themselves to their families, do find as they age and children and grandchildren no longer need their care and concern that they fell lost and DHs are not always that helpful at times like that.

kittylester Thu 04-Jul-19 20:11:30

Weird to out it on Estrangement though.

agnurse Fri 05-Jul-19 04:29:27

This is a problem. It's not healthy to allow yourself to be defined by another person. This is why it's very important for women, especially, to find a way to fill the time when their children are grown.

As an example, my mother homeschooled us starting when I was in Grade 4. She continued homeschooling and online schooling until my youngest brother started Grade 10. By this time she had been a SAHM for 25 years. But when Bro4 started at the local high school, she started taking cello lessons (she is a pianist, organist, and singer already), joined a cello ensemble, and started taking language classes at the local uni (she is fluent in French, with a B.A. in French and an M.A. in political science; she started taking German classes). Today she and my father teach a course in scientific writing for people who are ESL speakers, and she is the current president of her church women's group. She was proactive in developing her own interests, which I think is fantastic.

I do sometimes wonder if this is why some women start "taking over" when they become GMs, even if it's against the AC's wishes.

Humbertbear Fri 05-Jul-19 07:45:47

Our roles change through life. Having been a wife, mother and GM (still am) and successful academic I now find myself primarily a carer. I do it all willingly but sometimes I just sit in my car and scream.

Dawn22 Fri 05-Jul-19 08:09:56

Better to sit in your car and scream rather than cry as some women do.

BlueBelle Fri 05-Jul-19 08:30:13

lfranc72 do come back and have a chat many people feel a loss of themselves when a certain role finishes maybe losing a mum or dad or a husband, a forced retirement, adult children moving away, grandkids growing independent They may lose one role and be in a limbo of course they may be other reasons behind you feeling this so write a bit more to us and see if anyone on here may connect with your feelings

No idea what HTH mean gonegirl

annsixty Fri 05-Jul-19 08:50:26

Daughter, Granddaughter, niece and cousin, never a sister.
Wife , daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, aunt-in-law.
Mother, Mother-law ,Grandmother.

annsixty Fri 05-Jul-19 08:56:40

Missed out ex M-i-L there!!

Grammaretto Fri 05-Jul-19 09:01:16

HTH stands for hope that helps hope that helps smile

Grammaretto Fri 05-Jul-19 09:03:01

Do any of us know anything?

sodapop Fri 05-Jul-19 09:05:18

Nothing wrong with a good cry Dawn22

I think there are lots of roles I have played throughout my life but above all I am my own person, confident and comfortable being me.

ginny Fri 05-Jul-19 09:42:52

I am me. Different roles at different times. What others think of me no longer bothers me. I do my best to treat others as I would like to be treated .
I hope the OP comes back to tell us what she is trying to say.

kittylester Fri 05-Jul-19 10:06:40

I used to park in a lay by with a bar of chocolate after I'd been to see mum! May be a cry would have been better.

gillybob Fri 05-Jul-19 10:08:46

I sometimes wonder “who I am” too .

Yorksherlass Fri 05-Jul-19 10:15:40

Me too gillybob, when did “ I “ disappear ,I know it sounds strange ,not all the time thank goodness.

Alexa Fri 05-Jul-19 10:20:56

"How should I live?" (Socrates)

Glammy57 Fri 05-Jul-19 11:02:49

“I’m a million different people from one day to the next” - The Verve.

Daughter, sister, mother, granny, Naval officer’s wife, rebel, friend, good girl, naughty girl....

MawBroonsback Fri 05-Jul-19 11:57:04

How to have a whole thread about a simple statement, no background, no question, no issue(as far as I can see) - maybe OP had second thoughts ?
In any case what is the point of second guessing what they were on about. hmm

Atalaya Fri 05-Jul-19 12:24:09

Me too. I’m caring for my mother with dementia. Sometimes I feel privileged to be sharing this part of her life, other times feel like I’m suffocating