*SUPPORT* for all who are living with estrangement

Sending you love and hugs PF xx

Pf ...what a dreadful shock for you both.
I'm trying to find the words to help, but I'm at a loss.
Just simply concentrate on yourself and your husband.
♥️

Thank you everyone for your good wishes, which are much appreciated. X

So deeply sorry PF. Glad DDs are supportive, and think it's very wise of you to just focus on what's going on now. Sending lots of hugs!

Morning ladies. Just wanted to check in with you all and make sure your all OK and have survived the awful weather unscathed.

Mr. S. is going into hospital for surgery on Friday and will be catheta free for the first time in just short of year.

A 3 or 4 night stay. I don't know whose dreading it more, me or him! Our house will feel empty without him and I'm trying not to think about that too much and concentrate on how wonderful it will be to have him back home again.

Hope everything goes well for Mr S and he's soon feeling the benefit.
We've been tied up with hospital visits galore but thankfully all getting treatments that are helping and not too nasty. My sister lost her SIL sadly.
Bowls of hot soup all round I reckon, warmth and comfort always help.

Haven’t checked in for a while and just spotted your post Smileless2012 and want to wish you and your DH all the best over the coming weeks.

My DH had his hip op a fortnight ago and is coming along in leaps and bounds (figuratively!) so I know some of what you’re going through.

To Petitfromage, Hugshelp, Rhinestone, Starlady, Madgran and everyone whose names I may have omitted, I do read your posts and am heartened by how supportive you all are - that’s how we get through the trying times x

Thinking of you both Smileless. Hope everything goes well, four days will soon pass, it will such a relief for your husband to be catheter free.?

Thank you hugshelp, Pantglass and Sparkling.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister's s.i.l. hugshelp and glad that all your hospital visits are beneficial and not too unpleasant.

Good news about your DH's hip operation Pantglass. Hopefully it wont be too long before the "leaps and bounds" are actual and not just figurative.

Yes, it will be a relief Sparkling. It's going to be along 4 days I think.

SmilelessSending you good wishes for Mr. S from across the pond. He will be so relieved to get rid of that “ hose.”
We are home from six weeks in Florida where I only thought, most of the time, about me and my DH. We walked a lot and saw friends and family. I did not cook one single dinner. Amazing how good one can feel without constant daily stress and winter sun. I’m back to reality but I do realize with all my problems I can be happy . I’m just going to have to work harder on it.

I forgot to tell you all that both my psychologist and some other articles that I am reading on estrangement all day that we should keep sending cards and notes even though our EC DONT respond. How do you feel about that?

Thank you Rhinestone. I'm pleased you had such a lovely time in Florida. There are times when I regret selling our property over there.

It's a personal decision and not something I would do, or have done. The first time our ES rejected his birthday card and present, we never sent one again.

As you know, we do send birthday and Christmas cards to our GC but that is all. I know that no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise, that if we sent him cards and notes there would be a part of me hoping that this time, he might respond.

I'm convinced we couldn't have found the peace we've found and come as far as we have if we'd done things differently but as I said, it's a personal decision and one only you can make for yourself.

Rhinestone, please can you tell me what reason did your psychologist give for why we should keep sending cards and notes? Thank you

I am just saying a quick Hello to all after seeing this "support "
thread and maybe it is better to come here rather than going
on some of the other ones with A.E.C. It can be difficult being amongst the A.E.C. as their experiences are so different.

Smileless2012 I see from the posts that your dear husband is going into hospital I send best wishes to him and hope he is soon home to you once more. Do not worry too much as
he will be in the best of hands in hospital, and I am sure he will
be very well taken care of.

3Nanny6 I think you would be wise to come to this thread, for your own wellbeing. In the end you do not have to "justify" what has happened to you to anyone, it is a waste of time and energy for you. Talk to people on this thread who are experiencing/have experienced what you have.

Having said that I think it is good when Estranged parents/grandparents and estranged adult children can discuss estrangement with each other constructively. That can and does happen but sadly not always.

Thank-you Madgran perhaps for awhile it is better that I do not have to justify myself with my own situation you are right it does waste my time and some unconstructive discussions with E A.C. deplete my energy.

It can seem that the E.P and the E.A.C. are coming from quite a different perspective and unless both sides are committed to carefully listening to each other then conflicting arguments occur. That is what I have found anyway.

It must be so hard dealing with a grown up child with mental health issues, that picks on every minute detail and causes a drama over imagined slights. So disruptive to all the family, Just a glimpse of that on here, I have to say I would reach breaking point. You have to distance or you would lose yourself and your child still would not be happy. Goodness knows what their own children must suffer, it’s not something you can switch on or off.

Yes. Everyone has a 'breaking point'. That's why adult children go No Contact with abusive families who accuse them of "overreacting to 'imagined' slights".

Thank you 3nanny. It's good to see you here and I hope you'll get some benefit from doing so; I'm sure you will.

Madgran is spot on. We have no need to justify or explain ourselves to anyone. All anyone living with estrangement needs is some support and understanding. It can and has happened with EAC but IMO EP's are always on the back foot when a thread is created specifically for EAC.

A good post Sparkling. It's so very hard but sometimes some of us just have too accept that regardless of what we do, and how much we give, our AC "still would not be happy".

"Goodness knows what their own children must suffer, it's not something you can switch on or off". We do worry for our GC Sparkling.

I agree with this It can seem that the E.P and the E.A.C. are coming from quite a different perspective and unless both sides are committed to carefully listening to each other then conflicting arguments occur. 3nanny6 and on a forum where different people are responding to different things they have seen wires can easily get crossed to complicate things more.
If only we could have conversations with our own loved ones that involved carefully listening to each other, maybe a lot of bridges could be mended, but of course if they have gone no contact that can't happen.
I'd love to know the reasons for continuing to send cards too. My ES sent a message a long time ago via his DS that no cards or presents were permitted as, 'it would make him feel guilty'. We respected his wishes, but I do wonder.
Your trip to Florida sounds like great medicine Rhinestone
Glad to hear your DH is doing well pantglas
Hot chocolate all round tonight I think. x

Holyhannah, I have to agree wholeheartedly with you. You did exactly the right thing cutting off your parents. It has left you free to put that part of your life behind you and move on.

Currently not even sure if he’s gone no contact with me or I have with him. I received a message wanting something and have become so frightened I have developed an obsession with constantly checking my door is locked. Their behaviour before they stopped speaking a few months ago made me so ill mentally that I am frightened they will send me back to that dark place.

For now at least FlyingSolo it would appear that for your own welfare no contact is for the best. As time passes you may be able to recover from what's happened and be in a better, stronger state of mind if he does contact you in the future.

Take care.

Just had a call from the hospital, they've cancelled the op. One year next month he'll have had a catherter in all the time, and the year before that off and on for an entire year.

Two bloody years we've been waiting. I know these things happen but why did his surgeon have to be ill this week!!