Gransnet forums

Estrangement

Cut out of the estranged GPs will, dilemma!

(184 Posts)
ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 18:50:14

How many times have I been shocked to read that GPs on GN are going to cut their AC out of their will? Too many times.

I just think you can show so much by leaving the AC a little something, and am saddened that a GP would take such a bitter step.

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 18:53:06

Also, it is a symptom of the original dysfunction that lead to the estrangement in the first place.

It appears to me, some GPs would prefer estrangement rather than take a cold hard look at themselves, to see what they can change in order to re-connect with their AC.

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 18:59:20

Has anyone been cut out of a will? - I would like to hear their thoughts.

MawB Sat 22-Feb-20 19:02:23

I have a feeling this topic has been aired before?
Does anybody else remember?

Wondering if you have personal experience Ananimous ?

Septimia Sat 22-Feb-20 19:07:16

Oh yes. My (childless) aunt took umbrage because she wasn't the first one invited to DS's christening. We rather thought that we should make sure that the grandparents and godparents should be able to make the date first, but she couldn't see the logic of that.

She decided that I wouldn't get anything and my uncle went along with it. She died first and I continued to visit my uncle - because I wanted to, not for what I could get. He didn't change his will, so I inherited nothing. I can't blame him for leaving his 'wealth' to his blood relatives, though, and I'd already decided that if my aunt was so b****y petty I'd give any inheritance to charity anyway!

TerriT Sat 22-Feb-20 19:08:20

Yes, I was cut out of my mothers will. I was shocked at the time as I had no idea. But now it doesn’t bother me at all though I suppose it’s been two decades since she died so a very long time ago. Families are more often than not very complicated where relationships are concerned. Each person has their own take and feelings about everything and just thinks the rest of their relatives are all crazy but for them!!

Oopsadaisy3 Sat 22-Feb-20 19:10:57

Yes, a family member was cut out of their parents will, because he stood up to them, we did too, but it doesn’t matter now because the family member died last year and the ‘inheritance’ is going to be used for Nursing Home fees.

But DH goes to see his mother out of duty, not affection and always said that he would split his share with his DB, as I said it is a moot point now.

Not all sons and daughter who dislike their parents refuse to see them, sometimes they just see them less frequently, but once the trust and love is gone it’s gone, you can only take so much.

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 19:11:17

Mawb Don't stick the knife in so quickly.

No, I do not, but have read many, many posts now, and see this as something that might help somebody back to good terms with their kin.
This bitterness could be addressed. Negative emotions are also telling us a lot.
In psychology there are all the answers.
We have had them for decades now.

I hate that GP have given up, when, with some work on themselves they could change the script completely...and have GC in their lives. Instead of saying "Oh well sorry for you" and that's it, I prefer "come on try harder they are worth the trouble."

Missfoodlove Sat 22-Feb-20 19:13:56

Yep, my mother is still alive in a home and I will not benefit from her will.
I am the only one who visits her or has done anything for her in years.

She is a Narc and would hate to see me benefit in any way.

Such is life.

ForestsLakesandMountains Sat 22-Feb-20 19:14:58

someone I know had children with a man from a different culture to her, throughout the marriage he was under constant pressure from his parents and then siblings to send them money, it put a lot of stress on their marriage. they split up and her solicitor told her he had been giving his siblings a lot more money than she had ever known. because the family had missed out on dowry when he got married his parents and siblings overseas constantly thought he owed them

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 19:16:16

I thought it may help others to know how it made you feel.

So, emotionally how did it make you feel?

Relieved?
Angry?
Full of hate?
sad?
Nothing?

I cannot imagine cutting someone out, nor how it would feel to be cut out.

I wondered if it would help to share those feelings, and by doing so, show others the effect, and after effect of such a cruel last message.

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 19:19:07

No point in working towards anything with a narc - stay away.

Yennifer Sat 22-Feb-20 19:31:15

Yes cut out of the will but not fussed at all as hadn't thought about it before I was cut out. I haven't lost anything. After reading comments here I am now expecting some sort of letter, possibly to my children too. These will be burned unopened. Already agreed with my children. If they get left anything they said we will use it for family holidays etc so that her money brings us closer. My children are beautiful people x

Greymar Sat 22-Feb-20 19:35:52

What is the pay off for you ananimous in this delving?

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 19:38:48

I'm not like you Greymar.

Greymar Sat 22-Feb-20 19:40:33

meaning what?

MawB Sat 22-Feb-20 19:44:40

What knife ananimous ?
A strong feeling of deja vu added to just wondering what you are aiming to gain from this discussion.
Have you experienced this , are you planning it or are you just nosey.

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 19:44:46

Yennifer
Good ideas!
I'd like to suggest you get a friend to open them, is all, and read them - in case you ever want the closure, or change your mind, then youhave the option to ask, and there may be cash in there, anyway.

I only mention that as sometimes our feelings can change drastically over time. Not intending to invalidate how you feel now.

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 19:45:45

I sense a dogpile coming... grin

FlyingSolo Sat 22-Feb-20 19:49:07

I can't understand this thinking about inheriting off anyone. If you have a good relationship with your parents you want them alive and don't or shouldn't think about inheriting. And if you don't have contact at all would you even notice if they died so why think about inheriting. Honestly, my view is that inheritance is only something to think about in terms of people inheriting from you and not whether or not you will inherit off anyone. I'd only think about having an inheritance after receiving an inheritance. It doesn't feel right to me to think about inheriting whether estranged from them or not.

Yennifer Sat 22-Feb-20 19:49:25

Maybe I will get my husband to read them, I doubt it would be anything nice. The time for saying nice things would have been any time before croaking and it's all been horrible so far x

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 19:49:31

Mawb
I can explain it, but I cannot make you understand it.

Perhaps you could try re-reading the thread sans the bad attitude towards me.

Yes, I get it you hate me.
So what.

Hetty58 Sat 22-Feb-20 19:50:03

I just can't imagine how any mother could ever stop loving that tiny bundle of joy - no matter how hurt, disappointed or rejected by their child later on.

We surely start off wanting the very best for them (well, the vast majority of us) so how can it then turn into a wish to upset those we created?

Yennifer Sat 22-Feb-20 19:50:49

I wasn't thinking about inheriting until I was told I wouldn't be FlyingSolo and then I didn't think about it until this subject came up x

ananimous Sat 22-Feb-20 19:51:35

Flying solo
You have missed my point completely.

This thread is for exploration of feelings on being disinherited... in the hope it may change some minds on GN.