Cut out of the estranged GPs will, dilemma!

I'm sorry Calliecat I'm not sure what you mean by your post. If you feel your mother will cut you out of her will because you've gone no contact so she wants to 'punish' you, but you want nothing from her anyway, surely there's nothing for you to be concerned about.

It's frightening how many estrangements do take place when the estranging adult child has recently married or become involved in a new relationship Witzend.

I'm sorry your friends are having to try and cope with this heart ache.

No Bold: dilemma. Sharing my personal take on the topic posed, as one generally does on discussion boards.

Every case is different and unless you know the ins and out of the personal relationship between parent and child and the personality and behaviour of each person involved, you cannot possible make a judgement.

You certainly cannot make any kind of generalised judgements about all these situations as a group.

I have never been disinherited and have no intention of disinheriting anyone, but This thread is for exploration of feelings on being disinherited... in the hope it may change some minds on GN. I am all for the exploration of feelings, some people have on this matter, mentioned in the first half of this sentence but, presumably by the second half the OP is hoping that the disinheritors will then change their minds as a result, which I think is outrageous.

The majority of those who disinherit do so after considerable thought and after having a long and difficult relationship with a child, or other expecting beneficiary. To have someone come from outside, who knows nothing about the individual cases, and then castigates their behaviour and more or less tells them what they are doing is wrong and to change it. strikes me as arrogant and insensitive behaviour.

Well put MOnica

Puzzled why anyone that wants nothing to do with their parents would expect anything. I am not estranged fortunately so not talking from experience. How one spends their money is their business, better to spend the lot but if I had a child I didn't ever see and a friend or niece or a cause close to my heart they would benefit. I am a great believer in helping those I love whilst I'm alive.

I totally agree Sparkling, inheritance is a gift so why on earth would you give a gift to someone who wants nothing to do with you, and why would they want you too?

Sending my thoughts and best wishes to all that are estranged, particularly difficult at this stressful times.

MOnica, yes well said.

As someone who has estranged her parents: I expect to be disinherited and I don’t want anything from them anyway. My sister will probably get everything, and really she deserves it if she sticks around to deal with their end of life care and issues. Actually, I really hope there is something left for my sister, it’s possible there won’t be but that speculation isn’t important on this thread.

Reconciliation will never be an option. (CSA and other abuse is a factor in the estrangement and I’ll never endanger my kids by contacting my parents.) I want nothing from them: no money, no heirlooms, or any apologies or explanations, nothing. I don’t want any reminders of my childhood, even if it’s just something that their money bought. In the off chance I do inherit something from them, I’ll give it to my sister or donate it if she doesn’t want it.

My mother, the eldest of four died of cancer about 30 years ago. Of the four, she was the one who did the most for her mother despite struggling with poor health and having four children herself. The other three siblings each had one child.
We discovered, after my grandmother died, that shortly after our mother died our grandmother had changed her will to leave everything to her’ three’ children, names listed, and if any of them should die before her, their share should pass to their children. My mother and her children were not mentioned apart from all the grandchildren being left £100 each.

The four of us, all now adults with our own families just wondered why? It was not about the money at all, just gave us a horrible feeling that somehow we and our mother were not loved as much as the others. I don’t think there was any malice intended but it did make us reevaluate our relationship with our grandmother. It also made us rethink how we felt about our mother’s siblings. Did they consider it unfair or strange? Did grandmother love our mother and us less? Nothing was ever discussed. We actually sent for a copy of the will which is how we discovered the wording.

All water under the bridge now and we will never know her reasons but it has left a sour taste in our mouths. We have always endeavoured to treat our children as equally as possible and would hate them to think we showed favouritism or loved one more than the others.

I can understand you having unanswered questions Magnolia. You say all the GC were left £100 each, did that include you and your siblings?

I do think that when making a will if not all family members one would 'expect' to be treated the same aren't, a letter of explanation is a very good idea.

I'm sorry that this has made you reevaluate the relationship you had with your GM and your GM's love for your mother.

I understand Magnolia that seems like a strange thing to do. Grief manifests in strange ways sometimes, including even anger at the deceased for "abandoning" in some instances. I wouldn't take it personally but I wo der if there are other reasons those family members make you feel uncomfortable too. We are entitled to be as close to people as we feel despite our family ties.