Cut out of the estranged GPs will, dilemma!

So glad my DSs don't care whether we leave them anything or not. They want us to enjoy what we have and not leave it to them. Of course there are others who might think they have a claim but they will have to take it up with DSs when we are gone. DSs will judge for themselves on how others have behaved.

LKSPHD, your pain and anger definitely come through your post. Lots of hugs!

Ive definitely seen before where EPs have disinherited their EAC or are spending the money they planned to leave to them, etc. I get that it can be part of scapegoating. But from what Ive seen, sometimes it's just a response to the sorrow of being CO by their EAC, as I feel it is in LKSPHD's case.

Razzy, my deepest sympathies on the loss of your mum. As for your cousin, IMO, she was way out of line! And so cruel in your time of sorrow. I'm sorry it came to that, but glad you stood up to her. Good for you!

"Some of the reasons I have seen for cutting people off are very minor."

Me too, but sometimes, I think whether it's "major" or "minor" is in the proverbial eye of the beholder.

"I think if one of my children estranged I would still share equally because I would want the siblings to still have good relationships and wouldn't want to be putting any favouritism in there. It's a tough subject really and I think it really depends on intention rather than the act itself x."

Agree w/ all of what you're saying here, Yennifer. Also, I'd be worried about the estranged AC trying to contest the will and taking the others to court, etc. If I felt some AC deserved more than one who went NC, I would give it to/spend it on them while I was still alive. The estranged AC probably wouldn't even know about it, and it would be part and parcel of the estrangement anyhow (can't very well spend on someone who has gone NC, surely). But that's just me...

Thanks for answering my questions, V3ra! So sorry DH's aunt cut out your children that way. Very odd.

Strange about the flat, also. Unless she forgot what she said or (sigh) promised it to more than one person w/o thinking.

Gillybob, my deepest condolences on the loss of your aunt. How kind of you to encourage a relationship between her and your DS (dear son), especially since she was CO (cut off) from her own daughter.

I'm sorry your uncle gave all her jewelry to your sister, after she died, totally "skipping over" (for want of a better expression) you. And though once it was hers, your sis had a right to sell it, IMO, that was thoughtless of her to do w/o consulting you and seeing if you wanted any, etc. But why would your uncle do this "as a kind of punishment?" A "punishment" for what exactly?

I told someone I didn’t want his blood money. Does that count?

I am not sure that parents are usually responsible for estrangement. Every situation will have different nuances even if they appear to be the same.

I’ve known families where musical wills are played all the time. Life’s too short to be bribed by manipulators.

I don't think anyone should "expect" an inheritance. Money always causes so many arguments when people die. My mother died recently, and although I didn't live with her growing up, she left her money to me and my siblings, also a couple of other people and some to charity. On the day of her funeral, my cousin, who maybe met her once, came out of the woodwork and started taking over at her house, sorting through all her personal stuff, trying to take stuff, and then accused me of taking stuff away from the house (my siblings all knew I had it). That I do not understand! I had to be a bit rude in the end and point out it was my mother's stuff and therefore she had zero rights to any of it unless we said she could have it! People are very strange when it comes to death and inheritance.

It wasn't a challenge ananimous merely an observation.

Fiachna50 I couldn't care less.

I don't imagine AC do either, inheritance is unimportant after death.

I read here, people don't care.

'We interrupt this thread to annoy you and make things generally more irritating'

This is more explanatory...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAxkcPoLYcQ&list=PL-RQsZ-6oVvjx54Dh0eJtVLy5ZYNXJ6To&index=3

...So there was no right OR wrong answer.

The End.

Challenge Accepted ??

The link you've provided doesn't support your view that "disinheriting seems to be another opportunity for the parent to show their deepest pain - rejection, and to lash out" ananimous.

Yennifer
Usually, it is the Parent who must take full responsibility for any dysfunction in their children.

I agree that this disinheriting seems to be another opportunity for the parent to show their deepest pain - rejection, and to lash out.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/how-do-life/201408/disinheriting-being-disinherited

Nonnie it's impossible to know, I'd like to think I'd be the same person then that I am now and do it anyway. I think only something very awful could muck things up at this point and maybe if we all got cut off there would be a serious problem going on with whoever did it. Saying that I still don't want anything from my mother but she is the abusive one in our relationship x

Yennifer Tue 25-Feb-20 17:22:55 Would you feel the same if one of them cut you all off? Would the ones who had stayed loyal to you feel it was fair to treat the one who hadn't been loyal to them or you the same as them? I'm thinking that in such a case I might leave everything to the ones who didn't cut everyone off and have a conversation with them about whether they wanted to share with the cutter off then leave it up to them what they do.

I'm not in that situation so might feel very differently if I was. We cannot know until we face it ourselves

We waited for 3 years before re writing our wills LKSPHD.

It is astonishing Delia and what we read about here on GN is only a fraction of the number of families dealing with estrangement.

The extent of estrangement between family members as revealed on Gransnet is astonishing to me. What's going on in our families?

After a lifetime of dealing with her emotional abuse and rages, my 40 YO daughter (who has 4 psychiatric diagnoses and receives prescription meds for them), decided I was "toxic" and has banned any and all communication with her, her husband, and my grandchildren (11 and 14 YO). I waited a year and rewrote my will. My daughter receives the 3Zs: zilch, zero, zip. It is irrational to think or even suggest I would leave her a penny.

I think if one of my children estranged I would still share equally because I would want the siblings to still have good relationships and wouldn't want to be putting any favouritism in there. It's a tough subject really and I think it really depends on intention rather than the act itself x

Everyone does that when making a will don't they, they leave it to people they love and want to benefit from their money. Another aspect though that I was thinking about is divorce. Things generally get shared equally even if one party put all the money in.

Yennifer you said:

"Doing it because you would rather it benefit those you have a good relationship with is probably very normal."

I hadn't thought that far but now you have pointed it out I agree. Imagine a situation where one AC has cut you off (without good reason) and others have been helpful and supportive. I think it would be unfair to treat the cruel one the same as the kind ones.

I can understand that would make you feel worse.

Hadnt thought of that Smileless2012, very possible for it to be seen as that. I want love not money so I would probably feel worse x

I agree, doing so for revenge isn't healthy.

I can see that an abused child may see it as "one last act of scapegoating" or would prefer not to have been left anything by the parents who treated them so badly in their lifetime.

Nothing left in a will could ever compensate for that and the AC in that situation may feel it was done by their abusive parent(s) to absolve themselves of guilt.

I don't know if that's an assumption but as I said already, doing it as revenge isn't healthy, especially if you throw it in their face. Doing it because you would rather it benefit those you have a good relationship with is probably very normal. I can understand abused children feeling it is one last act of scapegoating though x