Cut out of the estranged GPs will, dilemma!

I'm sorry for your troubles ananimous, but I have to say, that the way forward, is to accept the situation and try to move forward
We don't get to choose the cards that life deals us, however difficult they may be to accept
Your have my best wishes

Of course Yennifer, I completely understand xx

"The love" of money

Not money

So sorry that I do not have "poverty-mind, and was raised to expect the family filthy lucre.

Mother always brought up my inheritance ever since I can remember.

I don't think it's helpful on this thread to attack someone because you find the subject taboo Chestnut.

You can understand why.

If your parents are comfortabe, and have both will, and savings?
Like mine.

I don't expect an inheritance would make a difference one way or another - I'm simply bringing up this topic to show the P side (and) the A/C in this scenario.
Nothing insidious, at all.

Some A/C will not have ANY contact, or ever accept help via financial gifts whether offered or not.

Chewbacca I don't want or expect anything, you have misunderstood my comment completely but I don't really want to talk to you anyway x

Aren't Wills a bit out-dated ? If you have savings ( for what they're worth with interest as it is ) then now's the time that AC/ GC need a bit extra. Why wait until you're dead ? If this is the sort of insidiousness it causes, is it worth it ?? NO !

I found this video which shows a human journey, loosely connected to the topic, I know,...and it's heartwarming, too.

Meet me on the bridge: Discovering the truth about my parents after 20 years
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GofREVeNbcw

If your AC cuts you off and you think I'll take them out the Will and let them know I've taken them out the will, then surely that's just revenge, lashing out? Is that healthy? Would it be better to show them you still loved them even if they didn't love you?

I don't agree with that at all. If, as an AC, you've taken the decision to walk away from your family and have nothing more to do with them, you surely wouldn't expect to be remembered in their will. Why would you have any expectations of receiving anything when they're dead if you had lost all expectations of receiving anything when they were alive? They had plenty of time whilst they were alive to demonstrate any love that they may have had for you so why would you expect them to demonstrate it from beyond the grave? Is it healthy to keep those expectations? I think not.

Maybe it's all about intention. If your AC cuts you off and you think I'll take them out the Will and let them know I've taken them out the will, then surely that's just revenge, lashing out? Is that healthy? Would it be better to show them you still loved them even if they didn't love you? I don't know really. As I was saying, I don't want anything anyway x

How lucky I feel that neither set of GP’s or parents had absolutely nothing to leave to my H and I.
We had no expectations so were not disappointed.
I have money to leave my C and GC but will spend all I need without being wasteful.
It is surely very true that the love of money is the root of all evil.

Sorry Granulation. We cross posted there, and I wasn't ignoring you.

If someone had cut me out if their life and I didn't know why, then went on to leave money to my siblings and not me, I can imagine feeling hurt; but the title of the thread did not originally suggest that this was the situation (has it been changed?)

My confusion was because it seemed to be asking whether grandparents who had been cut off by adult children should nevertheless include the said cutters-off in their will. That is the bit that I don't understand, and I don't get the impression that this is what Granulation is talking about.

It’s not about the inheritance itself... and nothing to do with money or possessions. Imagine (as a child) your siblings getting Christmas presents and you being left out. Again, not about the toys, but what it represents. It is about the meaning of it, the intent behind it. Not about my (or others’) attitudes or values... in my experience.

A good use of the money, though

Eh? Why would I want money, or anything else, from someone that I disliked so much I cut them out of my life? If I didn't like them enough to be with them when they were alive, why would I want anything of theirs when they are dead? As for their money being "useful"; no thanks.

It seems to me that we need to start with what each person's attitudes and values are regarding inheritances before we can think about their feelings about being excluded or included. I think how they feel may be influenced partly by how they viewed inheritances to start with.

@NanaandGrampy*I don’t know why leaving money would make an estranged person feel more loved ,*

Read Granulation's post to understand more - She felt "less" loved by the final rejection.

I get that, it is hurtful treatment

Chewbacca I expect and want nothing.

I can understand why. A good use of the money, though.

I don’t know why leaving money would make an estranged person feel more loved ,

I agree with Doodledog .

All I can say as I experienced one sibling being left a very considerable sum, and myself being left nothing, is that it felt like a final snub from the grave. One final act of cruelty. Just that.

Absolutely agree Doodledog. I have no idea if my mother is alive or not as I've had nothing to do with her for over 20 years. If she was to have left me anything in her will, which I seriously doubt, I'd give it away to a charity. I expect and want nothing.

Some people leave money to their AC despite bitter fall outs, here on GN

They just want them to know they were loved, and not totally rejected, I guess.

What's so bad about another point of view?

I'm not sure I understand. Why would someone who has been cut off by a family member leave that person something in their will? Is that what is being asked?

If someone felt that they didn't want to be around me alive, I don't think I would want to leave them anything for when I was dead.

Similarly, if I disliked someone enough to cut them out of my lifer wouldn't expect them to give me anything in their will - why would they?

Is that unreasonable?

Oh dear. Some nasty little digs on this thread, not very nice. Unusual for gransnet. As our mothers used to say, ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’