Gransnet forums

Estrangement

The greatest failure.

(26 Posts)
Starblaze Mon 30-Mar-20 16:45:42

It is not the end of the relationship that defeats you, relationships end all the time and are a normal healthy part of life and growth.

Some never place any personal responsibility on the end of a relationship and doom themselves.

It is the inability to learn from an ended relationship that is the failure.

Learn how to love in a healthy way.

Learn who is capable of loving you in a healthy way.

Learn how to heal your issues.

Learn how to self reflect.

Learn how to compromise.

Learn how to sustain a healthy loving relationship with people who don't mirror yourself.

Learn how to value others for their differences.

An inability to do so is the only failure.

We should all value those who have learned these lessons in time to break unhealthy family cycles and save their subsequent relationships.

EllanVannin Mon 30-Mar-20 16:48:16

Who's telling their granny how to suck eggs ?
Many here have approached their 50th Wedding Anniversary !

Starblaze Mon 30-Mar-20 16:51:10

EllanVannin

Learn how to sustain a healthy loving relationship with people who don't mirror yourself.

Or those who are not spineless enablers.

Starblaze Mon 30-Mar-20 16:52:31

However, do look where we are.

merlotgran Mon 30-Mar-20 16:55:16

52 years today. I think we've got the hang of it now. grin

Smileless2012 Mon 30-Mar-20 17:09:50

Not as long as you EllanVannin and merlotgran but fast approaching our 40th so yes, I think we've got the hang of it too.

Congratulations on your 52nd Wedding Anniversary merlotgranflowerswine

Nortsat Mon 30-Mar-20 17:23:09

Happy Wedding Anniversary Merlotgran wishing you a continued long and happy life together 💐
I agree, I think you’ve got your head around it.

We’re doing ok here too, at 44years ...

Starblaze Mon 30-Mar-20 17:28:22

Length does not always show health I am afraid, as with the poor murdered pensioner in the news today killed by a long term abusive husband. All have not learned these lessons.

I am glad for those who do have healthy relationships.

Starblaze Mon 30-Mar-20 17:31:38

This post does focus on those who have lost what should have been long term healthy relationships between close family.

We are in Estrangement after all

Smileless2012 Mon 30-Mar-20 17:54:12

And what was once a long term healthy relationship between close family, can be lost due to the presence of someone outside of that relationship.

Chewbacca Mon 30-Mar-20 18:00:33

Many Congratulations to all of you who have enjoyed long and (on the whole) happy marriages. 🍾🍾🍾 to you all.

Starblaze Mon 30-Mar-20 18:08:27

I find that hard to believe personally Smileless2012 but it obviously helps you.

Smileless2012 Mon 30-Mar-20 18:09:12

Aww that's lovely Chewbacca just what we need at this time, kindnesssmile.

Starblaze Mon 30-Mar-20 18:14:31

Sadly, there are many many partners and children stuck in lock down with abusive and sometimes dangerous individuals right now. Abusive people do not deserve kindness in any situation and hard conversations need to be had about it.

Anything seen or heard can still be reported to authorities. It still amazes me how many ignore the signs of abuse.

52bright Mon 30-Mar-20 18:14:34

Thank you Chewbacca ...45 years here. Some of them far from perfect but toleration on both sides has seen us through so far.
Life is a learning curve Starblaze. Have you perfectly learned all that you list in your original post? Personally 1'm still learning. My own long life experience suggests that you should maybe add tolerance and forgiveness to your list.

Smileless2012 Mon 30-Mar-20 18:17:24

A good suggestion 52bright and I would add not judging others because what they say doesn't correspond with your personal beliefs or experiencesmile.

rosecarmel Mon 30-Mar-20 18:20:25

I agree that length doesn't denote quality-

To see where "we" are would involve shared effort, to lean into learning rather than knowing in order to get it right collectively-

The attachment is from Brene Brown-

merlotgran Mon 30-Mar-20 18:20:25

Thank you for the anniversary good wishes. We're having a bit of a virtual party here with friends from the Isle of Wight joining in as it's where we were married. This is when good old facebook saves the day!

My three bridesmaids are sending daft messages and remembering good times. wine

Smileless2012 Mon 30-Mar-20 18:24:03

That sounds lovely merlotgran enjoy your virtual partysmile.

rosecarmel Mon 30-Mar-20 18:24:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smileless2012 Mon 30-Mar-20 19:05:37

Length doesn't denote quality I agree neither does it mean that quality in the relationship is lacking either.

Starblaze Mon 30-Mar-20 19:36:46

Empty response

Smileless2012 Mon 30-Mar-20 19:46:34

Yes it is but never mind, maybe you'll think of something to respond with later.

Starblaze Mon 30-Mar-20 19:49:48

Have you not grown out of "I know you are but what am I?" type behaviour Smileless2012?

rosecarmel Mon 30-Mar-20 21:54:09

I agree, length doesn't mean that it's lacking- smile