SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement

Hello all, 3nanny6 sounds like you had a great time with your son, reminded me i went to a Brazilian resturant last year, just spur of the moment with a friend when out shopping at westfield, it was happy hour so we had cocktails and little bites of food like tapas, the music was amazing , that was before the estrangement, going to make an effort to see friends again, my younger daughter is very good at staying with my husband as he needs help at home,
Yogagirl, yes similar cutting off to you, i got told to F off as well by text, no argument at all, only asked my daughter to try to come to visit her dad as he didn't see her for many months,he only saw grandson once when daughter brought him with her mother in law driving her here.
Smileless2012 enjoy your time with your friend, you've inspired me to try to see friends now, I admire how strong you all are, thanks again to you all on here

3nanny6 So glad it all went well. I have never been to a Brazilian Restaurant; sounds nice.

sounds like a lovely meal out 3nanny6

I've never tried Brazilian either muffin

Morning ladies. It was lovely to read about the lovely lunch you shared with your DS 3nanny.

Having a great time with my dearest friend, sharing memories of when our 4 boys were young and the daft things the 2 families used to get up too.

Normally we'd be spend hours mooching around shops interspersed with coffee, but as neither of us are comfortable with face masks, this is the first time ever in our 34 year friendship that shopping isn't on the agenda.

We took the dogs for a long walk and had our first meal out since lock down!! The cafe had tables and chairs outside so we planned to have a drink outside before walking home, which we did.

Needed to go inside to use the ladies, and were so impressed with everything they'd put in place because of Covid that we decided to stay for lunch.

It was lovely to do something 'normal'.

Sounds great Smileless. We met up with friends today, drinks and a snack lunch in a large pub garden, very well organized. As you say, such a treat to do something normal and see different people!

Sounds lovely smiles and Madgran

It does sound lovely to meet up in a large pub garden particularly since the weather is lovely, just good to be outside and do something normal.
Has anyone taken advantage of the "eat out to help out" scheme it sounds like a good deal to me.

3nanny6 it was lovely ...I concluded that I wouldn't be too happy sitting inside but in the garden was great.

We haven't used the "eat out to help out" yet but if we can find a pub with a garden that is participating we will probably do that as well. I think I need to start getting my head around being indoors as well ...but just not there yet!

Morning ladies. My friend went home yesterday evening, it was lovely to spend some time together and certainly broke the tedium of the restrictions.

Totally different from our usual time together, no mooching around the shops interspersed with coffee as neither of us are comfortable with face masks or being around too many people. Apart from a couple of lunches out we're not doing anything different; better safe than sorry.

Lovely to hear you had an enjoyable time with your good friend smileless. Its occasions like that, that soothes the soul and keeps us going. Happy for you.

I'm struggling a bit just now with my family circumstances as I just don't see it ending any time soon. My main concern is for my gentle family member's future mental health thou I know friends and colleagues are keeping a watchful eye. I feel like shouting from the rooftops about what's really happening in the hope that someone will step in and help.
Fantasty I know. I need to "switch off"and stop the negative thoughts.

I'm struggling to navigate the forums? Can someone answer this so I know I'm posting? Thanks in advance

I'm glad you had a good time smiles. Sounds just the ticket.

I'm sorry you are struggling Granniesunite I know what it's like when life seems relentlessly difficult. Can't tell you how often I've longed for someone to rescue the situation. Hang in there. x

Hello Nanastrawberry. Welcome to the thread for those needing support due to estrangement from loved ones. I hope you've found the spot you need to be, though very sorry if you find yourself in the boat of needing it, we all wish it were otherwise. If so I hope we can help, if not hopefully someone can help you navigate.

Difficult day. Finally found a plumber to come and fix our leaking expansion tank only for our DD to get in touch to say she's really quite poorly. Couldn't get out till plumber had gone but by then her partner was with her and she just wanted to sleep. He sounds quite concerned but they have decided to wait till Monday before calling dr. Feeling really worried about her. I really feel like I've had enough hard knocks, I need life to be on an even keel for a while.

Sorry to hear about your DD hugshelp and I hope she feels better soon. Sometimes life seems relentless, doesn't it?

I am pleased that you enjoyed yourself with your friend smileless.

Sending good wishes and thoughts to you all.

A warm welcome to you Nanastrawberry I hope that this is the right thread for you, but as hugshelp has said, sorry that you are living with the pain of estrangement.

Good news about the plumber hugshelp but sorry that your DD is unwell. I hope they contact their doctor tomorrow and that this will help to put your mind at rest.

Thanks Granniesuniteit was great to have that time together especially with everything being so strange and uncertain due to Covid.

It's a real worry when in the midst of this issue, there's someone you know to be vulnerable and virtually impossible to stop thinking about it. Keep talking to us here; you know we'll do whatever we can to help you get through this; you're not alone.

Well, we didn't get Charlie. The part needed still hasn't arrived which rung alarm bells about the ease of getting parts in the future so Mr. S. cancelled.

We went on line to the website of the same dealer and found a motor home which sparked our interest so Mr. S. 'phoned to enquire about it.

The owner was very excited about one he'd got in the day before so we went for a look and he was right, it's lovely. More money but a much better investment and we'll be able to collect our new 'Charlie' in a couple of weeks.

We've ordered an inflatable, stand alone awning and are going to book a few nights away next month for our test run.

Good to hear from you PF sending good wishes to you and your DH.

hudshelp Hope your daughter is feeling a little better. Yes, life sometimes does feel relentless and tiring but it's good to have the support on here to offload. Hope she's much better soon and you get some peace of mind.

Thanks smileless for your kind and wise words and I hope you finally get to enjoy your next trip away with Charlie.
Just reading about the worries and difficulties experienced by some of the lovely posters on here helps me to feel less alone and it really does give me the strenght to put on the face and carry on with my life and continue to be some support to my lovely family member who is being crushed by bitterness and hate and is still trying to maintain good relationships with the innocents involved. That's a bit vauge I know but hope you all understand why.
Best wishes to all who are having a hard time at the moment.

Granniesunite Its hard worrying!! good that there are people keeping an eye!

Hi smiles - sorry about Charlie, hope Charlie 2 is even more fun.
You're right Granniesunite - the support on here is a major help. And I'm glad you feel less alone, as do I, worrying about family members is so tiring as you say. It's awful when you can see someone hurting others that you care about and you can't fix it. I hope some help is forthcoming your way from somewhere soon.
DD insisted on leaving Dr till tomorrow, but she really doesn't sound well. I regularly chat with her and her partner together on watsapp and he opened a private channel to keep me updated so I know he's concerned too. Will be glad when I know she's seen someone.
Had a chat with my sister on the phone, and unfortunately discovered that my niece has breast-cancer. Obviously my sister is terribly worried, especially as they have said it's spread to the lymph nodes and she needs chemo and radio as well as surgery, what with the covid thing on top of normal concerns. She does say that they are getting a lot of support, both from professionals and friends that have had the same thing so that's good.
Anyone else ever feel like looking up to the heavens and saying, 'enough now, please!'

So sorry to hear that hugshelp that's a lot to process.
I hope your niece and your daughter get the care and medical attention they need.

Thanks for my welcome .Are there links to advice about court representation ? I'm finding it difficult to navigate the site.thanks in advance.
Can I click something when I put a post on do I can find any replies ?

Sorry I'm fairly new at posting myself
and not very techy but I'm sure someone will be able to help you soon.

Hi guys, just popped in to say I did get the rest of the email from my mum. It didn't have any kind of apology this time.

I've always said that I sent my mum the reasons for estrangement. They were finally acknowledged.

Basically everything has been twisted more or less into something else. Baring in mind these are things she previously denied but as I sent the reasons to my immediate family/growing up household, she must have been pulled up on some of them that were witnessed and I am guessing I am now finding out what she told them to cover herself. One example: She now admits to emptying my childhood savings which she told me as an adult never existed but the amount she admits to is far less and she claims she paid me back. She did not.

It actually did me a favour because although it was all gaslighting, she has obviously lost track of previous gaslighting/lies. So I actually have real evidence of previous things she denied or gave a different version of in old correspondance between us. I know it might seem picky to keep copies of old correspondence but when an abusive person is trying to drive you crazy, it's important to have the evidence in one place so you know you aren't going mad when they change the past later. I even have recorded phone calls sorry to say.

My mum has never written a long email like this before. She calls me cruel and nasty several times. Says I poisoned my children's minds etc, I haven't, they don't like her for themselves.

She said despite it all, she still loves me because she is a better person than me lol

There is no love or care expressed other than that, for someone she tells the world is mentally ill and believes a past version of events that isn't true on her part. No acknowledgement of the pain in my words when I sent that email years ago which was written as gently as "I can't cope with our relationship anymore and here is why" could possibly be said.

She talks a lot about if she were me she would never be as disgusting as I am and cut off a parent....

If I were her I'd never ignore my own child's pain whether I agreed with it or not, I'd apologise and be better.

So yes, she's not me and I'm not her thankfully.

I've nearly finished shutting that old email address down so no matter how many email accounts she sets up, she won't get through again.

I won't reply but honestly what I think is:

I do feel sorry for you mum and everything you are missing out on by not being a good mother or grandmother but estranging you does not add up to a hundredth or a thousandth of what you put me through. You may think me cruel and disgusting but you can't honestly look in the mirror and see your real self. I know who I am and what I have done and I have done the work to overcome it. You never will. That's your fault. You have been estranged and its your own fault. I know I did everything humanly possible to have a good relationship with you and I am completely done.

Anyway, hope you are all well, been so run off my feet lately the support thread even fell off my "I'm on" list! Will try and check in soon

Sorry it didn't work out for you starblaze.

It seems some things just never work out no matter how much we try.
Starblaze sounds like you have been going through a bad time
and maybe the estrangement is best all round. Sometimes it's impossible to have any sort of a relationship even with family.

As for my status with my daughter lets just say it is difficult in fact bloody difficult but life is what it is.

I feel sad Starblaze that you say your mother tells the world
that you are mentally ill or did you mean she tells the world she is mentally ill.
I had two strange phone calls from my daughter in a bizarre time of 4 o'clock in the morning and I never like to label my daughter as mentally ill but as her mother I know she struggles with mental health, the thing is nobody such as mental health do anything about it. At the moment I am helping my eldest daughter as much as possible as she also has had bizarre phone calls like myself it is all a worry.

Yes she does tell people I am mentally ill 3nanny6 and I guess it's an easy sell because I have sufferered a lifetime of depression and anxiety and there were suicide attempts in my teens. What she doesn't know though is I am far less depressed and anxious without her and I have been able to make many positive changes in my life and career.

The thing is though, would you truly send nasty, ranting, put down filled emails to someone you believe has struggles with mental health?

I do not have any mental health disorder that causes me to lie or misremember events though and that is what she is selling. I know I don't because I went and got professional help (just incase).

I have stood to gain absolutely nothing by lying, so there is no reason for me to do it in a non mentally ill way. There is no one around me that has pushed me to walking away from the relationship and people have been very sensible and balanced and played devil's advocate at times until it became obvious continuing the relationship was destroying my happiness.

Your daughter is obviously truly struggling 3nanny6 and I hope you all find a way to overcome it and you can move forward as a family.