Smileless, you are such a brave, kind soul. You have gone through agonies, as so many of us have, and you have courageously rebuilt your life, but your pain is still there: I feel it; it throbs. Please accept this socially distanced giant hug. And, despite all this, you are there for everybody else. Thank you so much for all of the support which you have given me and others.
You are connected to your DS and your grandchildren, they are part of you and you are part of them. That will never change, it is eternal and, deep down, your DS knows this. You have a strong and unbreakable bond which will endure, although it is obscured by weeds at present. You are in each other's DNA.
Keep strong, my friend, I have a strong feeling that it will all be alright in the end - and, as the saying goes, if it is not alright, it is not the end!