SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement

How lovely Smileless - have a wonderful evening and you’re right, you’ve got an absolute gem already ???

Thanks for sharing ; my head goes around in circles BUT I'm starting to realise there are things only son can change . My heart breaks because I know my GCH ask for me . The longer my estranged the more they will forget me

Happy Anniversary Smileless

I agree that this thread is so supportive. What I also think is positive is that although it IS supportive, people do not shy away from speaking "truths" to others when they think something needs pointing out. Difficult messages are given with kindness and understanding as well as a general sense of people able to feel that they are "not alone" in their pain. Everyone who is estranged is dealing with different issues, have their own stories, whilst also experiencing similar emotions, up and down days and painful times.

for everyone on what is for me a lovely sunny day!

Oh congratulations to you both smiles I hope you have a wonderful evening.

Have a good night dear ladies.

Congratulation on your 40th wedding annaversary*smileless*I hope you and Mr S have a lovely celebration.

Smileless - Congratulations!

Thank you everyone for your good wishes. 40 years; where has the time gone!!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hello ...Is anyone on here

Thanks muffin. We did have a lovely day and this morning when I woke up I thought 'gosh, we've been married for more than 40 years' well by one day anyway.

Hi Bodie even if there aren't any posts for a few days we tend to keep an eye on the thread, to see if anyone has posted.

We're here if you want to talk.

Belated congratulations. ?

Congratulations Mr and Mrs Smileless, I think your game should be Smilemore now, because you do,
Feel hurt as my children, successful people, have seemingly forgotten me since that first initial shock of lockdown, on my own it's particularly hard, I feel adrift. When I said I felt I would love to see them, I have been left in no doubt, they have enough to do with their own familues, I thought that might include me. ? I know I am getting depressed, but it can't be put right by medication just a change of attitude on my part. Something nice can happen and I'm sure I will bounce back. I'm not in your shoes, those that are estranged, the doors of communication are open, just not wide enough. It must be so hard for those living on their own at this time if you are.

Dear friends, I found out a few days ago that my mum has died. Due to some difficult and upsetting circumstances, I was told by a cousin the day after and had no idea that she'd been admitted to hospital a 3 days before.

As you can imagine the combination of shock and heartbreak mean my head is all over the place right now. Yesterday was a difficult day making funeral arrangements; thank God for
Mr. S..

I'm feeling distraught, vulnerable and heartbroken. The last thing I would ever have expected would be to hear from our ES; he emailed me last night.

I don't know how I feel and didn't know if I should even respond, but I have done. I can imagine how hard it must have been for him to contact me after more that 7 years and felt it would have been wrong to not just acknowledge his message, but to let him know it is appreciated.

Smileless 2012

I am sending sincere condolences for your recent loss, you must be in shock at finding out she had been in hospital and then passed away.

How comforting to hear that E.S. emailed you and broke his long silence of more than seven years. It shows that the thought is still there even after many years, and you were right to acknowledge his message and let him know he was appreciated. Perhaps it could lead to more contact although at the moment you are probably still distraught.

I just apologize for not posting recently as several weeks ago on an ordinary thread on here two people were rude and patronising to me. (not an estrangement thread or even an E.A.C) so I just thought I do not need that kind of thing in my life so abruptly stopped posting.

That is all irrelevant anyway so just wishing you well at this time and take care of yourself and Mr. S. and hope you find peace over the coming weeks.

Smileless - sending love and big hugs at this horrible time. It is so dreadful to lose this close to us. I only hope that, now that your DS has contacted you, albeit it in such difficult circumstances, it may be the first baby step on a road to reconciliation. In any event, you are in my thoughts

Sincere condolences Smileless. So sorry to read the difficult circumstances around your mothers death. Your emotions must be at times overwhelming, especially given the email from your son. Do look after yourself.

Oh my goodness, sincere condolences on your loss Smileless. And I'm sorry that you found out belatedly and no doubt are still trying to process it.
It sounds potentially wonderful that your ES got in touch and I hope it will be, but I expect it's just another huge shock to the system so far.
Give yourself as much time as you need to make sense of these things and get through one day at a time. I am so glad you have Mr S by your side at this time. Will be thinking of you.

I'm so sorry for your loss, sending you strength and hope.

Smileless - Sorry, I meant to say 'those' not 'this'. You must be on an emotional roller coaster at present, but you know that we are all here for you if you need us. Xx

Morning all

So very sorry to hear about your dear mum Smiles, hope all goes smoothly making the funeral arrangements & the day itself of course. Your ES contacted you, well I never! Will he go to your mum's funeral do you think? If he does, this could be the start of a reconciliation, fingers crossed for you. Belated congratulations on your 40th Wedding Anniversary

All this just goes to show no one knows what's just round the corner for them.

As Smiles has said, my son reconciled after 7yrs of silence, completely out of the blue! He has been living with me for near on a year now, we get on really well, are very close again, as we were before all this. My ED & GC still estranged, nearly 8yrs now & no hope of a reconciliation whilst she is still with her H.

Took me 6.5yrs to come to terms with it, as we were so close before hand. Makes me feel a bit weepy reading all the sad stories on here, that's why I stay off, after 6.5yrs of posting each and every day!

God Bless everyone & take care xxx

Thank you all for your kindness and support. I know exactly where to come too when I'm at my lowest and you are always here for me. With so much uncertainty, and never knowing what life has in store, this thread is invaluable.

Apart from deciding what to say about mum, about her and us, we have finalised all the other arrangements. Three pieces of music have been chosen and Mr. S. found a beautiful poem
'You mattered to me' by Ruth Morris which is so perfect it could have been written for us.

It wasn't the easiest of relationships; poor mum struggled with herself, the world and life itself but I loved her dearly and have some wonderful memories.

The circumstances surrounding her passing are not what I would want anyone to have to face, but it has meant that these final arrangements have been left up to me and that has given me the opportunity to say 'goodbye' the way I would always have chosen, so for that I am thankful.

I don't think for one moment that our ES will attend. It would be inappropriate for us to meet face to face after so long and in such difficult circumstances, and I'm sure he'll feel the same.

As for what the future may bring, who can say. The last 8 years have taught me if nothing else, that your life can change inexplicably for ever, and not always in a way you would have chosen.

for you all x

Smileless2012

I t's good to see you came here and found support at a time when you for once were the one that needed it. The one who always listens without judgement and sends out hope to many of us when we do not see much for our futures.

So pleased you were able to make the arrangements and do things in a way you wanted it helps to be able to say that last "goodbye" in your chosen way.
My two brothers were happy to leave me to choose how the funeral for my mum would be and I was thankful to get the opportunity to organize it although it actually gave me things to do and I had no time to sit and weep.

I hope you just keep an open mind as far as your E.S. is concerned. I know eight years is along time and so much changes in life over the years but do we ever really know what is coming next and what is around the corner perhaps there could even be a glimmer of hope.

Keep your spirits up wishing you well.

YogaGirl :

Things do sometimes happen out of the blue and perhaps that is showing us that there is a greater power than us that takes a hand of fate in out lives.

To have reconciled with your son after 7 years must have been amazing for you and glad you are getting on just like old times.
The estrangement with your D.D. and GC must still hurt only do not give up entirely on that as like you say,
"None of us knows just what is around the corner" sometimes our darkest moments lead us to the brightest of silver clouds.
It is true all the sad stories can make us feel weepy but often a few tears remind us how fortunate we are and we keep going on and keep trying.

Oh smileless! What a double shock for you

My condolences.

Everyone has articulated exactly what I would have liked to say to you, but so much better than i, that i am at a loss to know quite what I can add.
But if I could have I would have written exactly the words and sentiments that 3nanny6 did.♥️

I think its positive (not to say he will act on it soon or if ever- I dont want to raise false hope in you, only for it to be dashed), that your ES contacted you. He must have had a difficult time thinking this through, but his innate sense (love for you) of compassion for the situation won through.
?

I'm sure the funeral itself will present some wobbly moments, as presumably it will be in the area you had to screw your courage to the sticking post, and decide to leave to begin your healing?

I know you will be your normal brave self on the day and help others through it.
?
Thinking of you and the rest of your family.

So very sorry smileless to hear of your sad loss. To lose a mum is very hard but i hope you have some lovely memories of her to help to through the sad days to come.

The love your estranged ac received from his gran and his parents is still strong in his memory obviously and her death has stired these feelings.
Day at a time now for you all.