SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement

Good morning everyone. Again a lovely sunny day here.

I've found comfort in reading how you are all getting on.

My lap top has been throwing a hissy fit and hasn't always been working well.
So I've been in and out of GN (if you see what I mean!)

Thank you Smileless for keeping continuity by giving us daily updates!

Some times it's easier to 'pretend' the problem of estrangement doesn't exist, by concentrating on peripheral things that we enjoy a little.
So I've been trying to think about the garden.
It forces me to get on and do something out there, or the plants will die!
I don't have to think too much, just water weed feed plant prune, water weed feed plant and prune!

I'm lucky that I have it.

On a personal level I have been feeling more and more 'estranged' from life, and a bit too immersed in reflective circular thoughts.
Hence not posting on here too much (makes it all too real).

That is where gardening does help, if only to tire me out!!

Thinking of you all.

That's really resonated with me Namsnanny "feeling more and more 'estranged' from life". I love the way you've phrased that. I've been thinking about your post and realise I feel the same, in a good way.

Really for 4 years, until we moved here I felt estranged from life in varying degrees. Much more so in the first couple of years and to a certain extent for 2 years after that. It was a negative estrangement, as I found it difficult to engage with a 'normal' life because our's felt and I suppose was, far from normal.

When we moved here and made new friends and I went back to Church, life began again. It was a fresh start and became a little easier to put the past behind us, and much easier to find peace and be happy.

For me the lock down effect of feeling estranged from life I realise has been a positive one. The initial frustrations of not being able to go the gym, out for meals and browse around the shops were relatively short lived and I feel so content and comfortable with the way things are.

I'm so very fortunate we live where we do, in a house we love and have been blessed with a wonderful marriage, DS, family and friends.

I'm so pleased you have your garden which you clearly enjoy and no doubt, with all of your hard work, it's looking fabulous
Reflection can be a good thing as long as it's interspersed and what better way to do that than watering, weeding, feeding, planting and pruning x

Hello to several friends on here as I have not posted on this thread for awhile as the lockdown had a bit of an overwhelming effect on me so I took some much needed time out for reflection and general time to do things that helped soothe pain and sometimes sadness.
I think I mentioned that I am now talking to my daughter again although saying that she never says too much. I ask myself what is better to be estranged or have reconciliation.
Much loved daughter is still back to her usual old methods of asking for food shops from me but being unable to pay for them. I do not like to come on G.N. and talk of things like that as I feel ashamed and embarrassed that my grown up daughter cannot adequately buy shopping and cater to her childrens needs. Daughter has got a support worker and she has been made to send the children to school since last week, they seem to have loved it but my daughter is angry that she had no choice but to send them.

Like Namsnanny I found having the garden at the back gave me something to concentrate on, and I have been out there in the last three weeks weeding, planting and watering and have surprised myself that I have got some order to the garden and it is beginning to shape up nicely. I have planted some large pots with tomatoes so hope to get a good crop from them, and all my other plants are thriving.
Getting busy in the garden and exercising the dogs is pleasant day by day routine and it is when I post on here I have to peel back a layer that is always so close to the surface and I know I still have areas of my life that are still not like what most "normal " families experience.

I feel blessed to have a beautiful home and mainly I feel at peace with myself so I should never complain about family difficulties hopefully one day my daughter will wake up and have a more organized approach to life if only for the sake of the G.C.

All take care the weather is beautiful here again today.

It's lovely to see your post 3nanny.

No one on this thread should ever feel ashamed or embarrassed, it shouldn't happen on any of the threads on this the estrangement forum. It does though, but the shame and embarrassment belongs to those who try and put it onto others.

The problems that your D faces are not of your making. You are her support, and do all that you can to help her and your GC. It's good that she can come to you, that she knows she can, and you will always do what you can for her.

It's good to know that you've found solace and comfort in your garden, and what would we do without our beloved dogs? They bring us so much love and comfort don't they.

Just as Namsnanny did earlier today, your post has given me pause for thought when you wrote "I have to peel back a layer that is always so close to the surface".

I did exactly that this evening, when I was watching the 6.00 o'clock news today. They were talking about, and showing GP's seeing GC born during the lock down, for the first time.

Talking about the love GP's have for their GC, how all they want is to be able to see them, hug them, love them and spoil them. Sometimes we peel back a layer ourselves and sometimes, a layer is peeled back by someone or something else.

Like you, "mainly I feel at peace with myself". It's a place I never thought I'd get too, and I'm so pleased you've got there too.

x

This seems so sudden the relaxation on lockdown, it's almost as if I'm not ready. I am happy to see friends one to one outside but not a group. I realise I have always been better with a frienf than in groups, I dont feel I fit into groups and used to worry there was something wrong with me, I never liked parties much and was always one of the first to leave, I have a few friends who I've known for ever but as I haven't dashed out of this lockdown those feelings gave returned. It's wonderful your DH is do well now Smileless and you might get a holiday this year, is your lodge in uk? I think travelling abroad is a bit hit and miss.
Namsnanny, it must be difficult after a period of estrangement to feel not quite connected with your daughter. I must say I feel my D tolerates me at times, I realised ages ago she doesn't need to see me very often and then in small doses, I know she loves me but a little of me must go a long way. I feel more confortable with others but live her to bits.

Yes our lodge is in the UK Sparkling, only an hour's drive from home so not too far to go but when we're there we could be miles away.

I know what you mean about not feeling ready for the relaxation of lock down. I've become very comfortable with how things are right now.

"A little of me must go a long way" I feel that way about DS sometimes. Just a little of him goes a long way for me too which is just as well with him living in Aus. An hours face timing can sustain me for a week or 2. Thank goodness for technology.

Lovely to hear you are all keeping well. Thank-you for the kind message Smileless and lovely to hear from you. Is the lodge on a private sight ? did they close the area for lockdown? perhaps they will open the space again soon and you can holiday there rather than trying to go abroad as that may still be problematic due to flights.

Like Sparkling has said there has been so many restrictions lifted which has happened suddenly although looking at it on a positive level maybe it shows we are moving forward to
a fall in Covid cases and we are a bit safer. I will still keep to mixing with low amount of people and sticking to the 2 metre social distancing and plenty of hand washing.

I did go to my daughters house Sunday afternoon once again she needed just one or two things for the childrens tea so got that and went around there. As the new rule was coming into effect I think on Monday I moved it a day forward and sat in her back garden. There was a paddling pool out there and the youngest toddler was playing with the water. The eldest grand-child wandered in and out of the garden several times but the 7 year old did not come out.
This was the first time to just sit and see the grand-children since lockdown and it was lovely but it was no big deal and just gentle and peaceful. I sat out there for about an hour and half with toddler out there all that time. The phrase you have mentioned "A little of me must go a along way" was a feeling I got from my daughter who only appeared at the patio doors twice for about 2-3 minutes just asking if the little toddler was okay. It was still a special moment to see the grand-children even though one of them did not put in an appearance perhaps she like her mother did not want o come out of her lockdown routine and get some lovely sun on her .
Take care all just going out with the dog now and making the most of the glorious sunshine as the weather people have said that the cooler weather is making its way in. Sorry bit of along post.

Hello all. Yes sometimes we just need distractions and to let it all go a bit Namsnanny I do feel blessed that we have a bit of garden, never appreciated it more since lockdown.

Goodness 3nanny please don't feel ashamed. I can't claim to have a handle on why your daughter seems to struggle so much with every day things but I'm sure it's not your fault. Having a support worker sounds like a positive thing, maybe given time she can be helped back on track. It's often easier for a stranger who is a professional to get things like this to happen, where we, who can offer all the love in the world, can't necessarily get them to take any notice of us at all. Sharing your struggles and frustrations with like-minded people isn't complaining for the sake of it. And I'm very glad you mostly feel at peace with yourself.

I don't feel ready either sparkling. We've been really quite cocooned and I've got used to it. Though we had a long sit in our daughter's garden with her yesterday and that was marvellous.

A lodge to escape to sounds wonderful smiles

Your afternoon watching the GC sounds good 3nanny -it's a shame you didn't get to see everyone properly but glad you saw the 2 you did and had a nice sit.

Well I'm over the moon we've had a letter from the site owners where our lodge is and they're re opening on July 4th, so guess what we'll be doing.

We only bought it a year ago, upgrading our static caravan and only managed 3 nights there in March, the weekend the lock down was brought in. We'd just got all the decking scrubbed and everything looking great, when we had to come home.

Something to look forward too and come rain or shine we'll just enjoy a change of scene.

How lovely Smileless . So pleased for you

Thanks Madgran

Good news for you then Smileless so you will be getting excited for the 4th July.
The good weather we have been having should be with us and
you can have an enjoyable break and a change of scenery.
Pleased that plans can be made.

Lovely smiles - something to look forward to.

Yes I'm already getting excited 3nanny and hugshelp. When we were last there in March we were supposed to have stayed for a week, but due to the lock down had to come home after 3 nights.

Morning All

Glad to hear your good news Smileless re your lodge , I'm envyes! My son went to help his friends who own & live in 5aces of woodland put up their new loge cabin, taking much longer than they first thought, so his been gone a month now, but his having a really good time with his friends, who are in constant isolation due to where they live & my son due to his Lyme disease.

Bit of a 'to do' with my work, they are having open air classes from next week, just 5 per class. I was called to ask if I was interested, but missed the call, on replying to the voicemail within half an hour, I was told it had been passed to another. I was not happy and said so, saying she should have waited for my reply. So it was only because of this call I knew about the classes. It had all been done 'hush, hush' without telling any other instructors & all the classes were handed out to friends of the class co., so some instructors getting 8 classes per week & the rest nothing, same with the sister club. So when someone asked; Has anyone heard anything about the open air classes on our whatsapp group I let them in on the 'secret', letting them know that the timetable was up & running but seems it was just 'jobs for mates, only' in both clubs! As you can imagine, the other instructors were not happy too. I was told by the class coordinator to keep my mouth shut [ or words to the effect] but I continued by saying it was wrong & unfair. So when the new TT is put together after the lockdown for Leisure centres, I'm not too sure if I'll be getting my classes back But I felt it had to be said & felt everyone should be put in the picture about the unfair situation.

I went for a lovely walk with my DD in Hadleigh Castle, last Tuesday she needed a bit of me time. My D&GD came round in the car on Friday and said they were going to Hullbridge to see the swans, did I want to go too & of course I did. Monday we went to Shoebury beach to collect some ladybirds to bring them back & put on my lovely rose that's being eaten up by Atheids, but the swarm that was there last time was gone . We had a Mr. Wippy ice cream, so another nice day with my lovelies, first for 7/8 weeks, so my heart is full.

That's a bloody disgrace Yogagirl, I'm furious and have steam coming out of my ears on your behalf. Talk about 'jobs for the boys'.

Do you really think you could end up with no classes? You did the right thing by speaking out and letting others know what was going on. I don't know how someone could have 8 classes a week if they know someone else doesn't have any.

Sounds like your son's in the right place. I didn't know he had Lyme disease; hope he stays safe and well.

I'm so glad your heart is full, sounds as if you've had some lovely time with your DD and GC. Mr. Wippy ice cream; it's been a while but I remember how good they are.

Slight change to our now normal Friday Aldi shopping routine this morning. I've hurt my right wrist and have a support bandage on, so knowing I wouldn't be able to manage the heavier items, and as much as I love him, not willing to set Mr. S. free with just my shopping list, I asked the nice young man if we could go in together; he said yes. So far so good.

Not so good once we got inside though as I spent most of my time telling Mr. S. to wait or pull back because he wasn't maintaining the 2 metre rule. He kept tutting because he hates supermarket shopping, don't most of us! and wanted to get out as soon as possible.

One of my most stressful shopping experiences since the lock down began.

Glad everyone is getting a bit of life back together even if that's a bit up and down right now. I said before I took a bit of a break for my mental health as I didn't want to end up back on tablets etc and social media was wearing on me. So I did that and I managed to put a good routine in place and make sure I enjoy my time at home. Tomorrow we are adopting a pair of new cats who need a home and the sheer joy I am feeling let's me know I'm completely mended now. Just hoping nothing changes or prevents it with restrictions etc. So if you don't see me around much, I'm living mmy best life and OK

Happy weekend!

Starblaze

KITTIES!!! If it is possible, I'm sure that many of us (myself included) would appreciate if you could please post a pic of the babies once they arrive.

I love cats and we have two, both rescues. Yesterday was National Hug a Cat Day here in Canada. Both of our girls received some nice attention.

They have to come a long way which is why I am worried it won't work out and I'm touching wood every time I even think the word "kitties" but I will definitely post a picture when I can

Evening ladies.
Golly that makes me cross on your behalf yogagirl -all in this together - not!
But I'm very glad your heart got filled up with lovely things going out with loved ones.

Oh dear smiles the shopping sounds stressful. I hope your wrist is better soon.

I'm so glad you've been doing what you need to look after you star and it sounds like just what you needed and now kitties to look forward to. Lovely.

Right, flying visit from me, after days of rain, we have a sunny break, though the wind is brisk, it seems good for an evening walk, albeit with a warm hat. So off we go...

Oh so do I hugshelp, the thought of another supermarket shop with Mr. S. during the current situation doesn't exactly fill me with joy.

It's a lovely evening here too. We've been admiring our plants on the roof terrace but goodness knows what they'll look like after the heavy rain and gale force winds forecast for the weekend!!

Enjoy your walk x

Well it's a better than expected morning here. We took down our ornamental glass balls, a beautiful shell 'chandelier' (don't know how else to describe it) and our egg chair was removed from its stand last night, to protect them from the gale force winds, which haven't materialised.

It's rather breezy, wet and cold but it could be worse, hoping it stays like this and we avoid the gales.

I'm in love

Gosh Starblaze, they are very good at posing aren't they. What an amazing shot. Very cute

I can't send pictures in a message so this is the proof I was asked for, I don't lie! lol