New letter, same old formula.
Any decent scientist will tell you there is absolutely no point in conducting the exact same experiment and expecting different results.
She is hurt, she wants me back. I am cruel. The whole family is on her side. Its all my fault. She can't believe I would ever be such a nasty horrible person. I'm a terrible mother for depriving my children of her.
Same formula. Same result. Continued estrangement.
Also to be fair, I haven't told the family my side of the story. 3 reasons. 1. I am not a destroyer of relationships and don't fancy destroying my mum's. 2. Mum alienated me from them over the years and she estranged me from them for most of my childhood so I didn't really build relationships with them after I had my own busy life as an adult and we lived distance away. 3. It might hurt them to know some of it, especially what she has said about them and I wouldn't want them to think I could say those things if they didn't believe she did.
Oh well.
Anyway, the point of this is that in order to have relationships with people and the chemistry to work, we have to change the formula, or change ourselves.
She is still the same. All the things I can't tolerate about our relationship are still in place.
She proves it every time she sends me a letter.
I have changed and for the better, but she won't ever know that about me unless she does. Because I've changed before and many times and I know having a relationship with her as she is would just be the same explosive result.
