I have recently reconciled with my eldest daughter after a three year period of semi-estrangement during which she moved house without giving us the new address, got married without telling us, and had a baby but didn't inform us until DGD1 was 14 months old. I am happy to say that we are now reconciled, although the hurt still runs very deep, as some of you will already know from my posts on the Estrangement threads.
DD1 has, in fact, now gone to the opposite extreme and is constantly telephoning and sending texts, photos and videos of the DGDs (a second DGD was born after the reconciliation), which is all good. However, I am all too conscious that relationships can be very fragile and, given that DH has terminal cancer for which he is currently undergoing palliative chemotherapy, the last thing I want to do is 'upset the apple cart'.
My problem is that DD1 and SIL have racist, Islamophobia, xenophobic tendencies and, in SIL's case, I also suspect misogynistic tendencies. It saddens me a great deal, as it was not how she was brought up and her two sisters are at the opposite end of the political spectrum, very concerned about BLM and gay and transgender issues etc. I abhor racism and all forms of discrimination and a big part of me feels that I should, as DD2 says, 'call her out' on DD1's comments etc.
It is not just comments, it is the links which she sends me and DH to inflammatory articles, although she sends them more to him than to me. DH studiously ignores them. I don't know why she sends them, perhaps to genuinely engage in a discussion. She doesn't seem to have anyone else to discuss things with really, apart from SIL and his parents, who live close by - 100s of miles away from us - and SIL's parents are of a similar persuasion to us ie liberal, inclusive etc. DD1 told me in our last conversation that they object to FIL's views. DD1 cut off contact with her friends when she met SIL and moved away and she is still estranged from her two younger sisters.
Anyway, last night DD1 sent me a video link which I find particularly offensive, although I suspect that I am expected to find it amusing. It has really upset me and made me realise just how far apart we are, not only physically but also mentally, spiritually, every which way. I know that we live in a democracy, but I feel ashamed that a child I raised could espouse such vile views, and I worry that the DGDs will be infected - although I did say to DD1 that children usually hold opposite views to their parents.
I would be grateful for some advice as to how to respond. Do I do as DH does and just not respond at all? Do I try to engage in a discussion in the hope of seeking to persuade her that her views are misguided? Or do I just say that we will not agree, so please stop sending these things to me? I absolutely don't want to jeopardise the reconciliation, but some things are just too important to ignore.