Is 'No Contact' abuse?

The person didn't have a dog before

Yes, our ES's son act of estranging us was and is abusive. As has already been said in this thread what may be considered an act of abuse to one, may not be considered an act of abuse by another.

"How is that abuse if there is no indication a person is abusive beforehand?" I'm sorry Starblaze that doesn't make any sense to me.

Someone gets a dog. They've never had a dog before and they start to abuse it; not feeding it, walking it and beating it. That, I'm sure you'll agree is abuse. Can it be classed as non abusive behaviour because there had been no indication before hand, that that person would abuse a dog?

You know you said that your son was not abusive until after he estranged Smileless, and you have previously said you were very close and there were no issues. Does that mean you think the act of going no contact itself is abuse? How is that abuse if there is absolutely no indication a person is abusive beforehand?

Like when my mum did silent treatment, well she was otherwise generally abusive and always had been so it was logical to assume she was doing it to hurt me.

I've seen EP's say that there AC have told them they're going no contact. I wouldn't assume that that EP was abusive and that's why that AC chose those particular words.

That's very sad welbeck and I can understand your need to try and step back. It would drive me mad I'm sure if I saw someone I knew being treated so badly by their own son.

As you say Sussexborn not everyone can stand up for themselves, and it's not just children who are vulnerable and open to abuse from their parents, some parents are vulnerable and open to abuse from their AC. It's all very sad.

Not everyone can stand up for themselves especially if they have been ridiculed from a very young age and lose their sense of self worth and confidence.

I realise more and more how lucky I was to have my Dad though I must admit that I took him for granted.

i know of a situation where i wish a person would go NC with son/DIL. they abuse her, shout, undermine, shame her re disability, demand that she not waste money on careworker, throw out her furniture, pressure her to sign house over to them, and get her to pay their energy bill. and more.
but she will never stand up to them. almost colludes in being abused. frustrating and disturbing to hear about/witness.
she makes excuses for them. minimises what they do. while suffering from it. almost at times says she herself is in the wrong. i have had to step away from trying to support her. it was driving me mad.

Ha, I like how you pictured an axe! That’s exactly how lockdown has me feeling!

I had axe images which is weird because scissors are the obvious choice

I suppose there is always that saying too, cutting the apron strings

Maybe I'm just feeling a bit morbid this evening lol

Starblaze you’ve just reminded me of a line from Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment:

It seemed as if at that very moment he had cut himself off with a pair of scissors from everyone and everything

I always loved how that sounded! It is rather violent.

Sorry for derailing!

How do you know it is used by EAC regardless of whether abuse is a factor *Smileless?

Cut off and cut out, I think I've only heard since coming here. I think I've probably used it here because I've heard it. I don't like it for some reason, it just sounds.... Cutting

No contact just sounds less violent.

I don't know if 'no contact' is a term coined by children of abusive parents, but it is a term commonly used by many EAC regardless of whether or not abuse was a factor.

Cut off, cut out, estranged and no contact are all terms used in cases of estrangement.

I just realised it's specifically "No Contact" in the title.

Isn't that actually a term coined by children of abusive parents anyway?

Generally I don't think its abusive. If your child tells you that another child is mean to you, you tell them to stay away from them, its the same. If they cause you harm (physical / emotional) you can choose to stay away.

HOWEVER it can also be abusive in other ways. My great aunt, she is an amazing lady. Her son (with a learning disability) married a bit of a controlling lady. They demanded that my aunt buy them cars, pay their bills and stock their fridge. If she didn't, they would threaten that she wouldn't be able to see the grandkids. All of her money went to them while they wasted it away. It's better for her now as the kids are grown, but that is abuse, to withdraw grandkids to make them do what they want.

Good description *rose carmel.

My answer is neither no or yes, but gray, nonetheless, sometimes necessary-

Smileless.. 18.30 today. Spot on.

Bingo Smileless! Brilliant insight there.

Before I estranged, I asked for space because I was in a very bad way. I was in a bad way due to my mums behaviour but I needed time to work out my feelings and also whether I was the problem somehow having been told by her my whole life I was.

I wouldn't call that silent treatment either as I specifically said I was in a bad way and needed space. Not, I'm not talking to you until you do what I want.

It could also be that the one who was being given the silent treatment, didn't give in and that's why they were estranged.

Silent treatment that ended up as estrangement still started as the silent treatment.

Also it would rather suggest that the one getting the silent treatment cut off completely as they didn't give in to it.

Silent treatment, or the not speaking to someone to cause some sort of punishment is abuse.

Ending a relationship for good is not abuse.

Ending a relationship and circumstances changing later down the line so you feel comfortable returning to it is not abuse.

You've presented us with those details of your own estrangement many times agnurse and have received reassurance. As others have said, every situation is unique, including your own.

Every case is different. If NC is used to emotionally blackmail someone, it is abusive.

Agnurse No it is not!

No agnurse I don't and as has already been said, every case is different.