I think what happened, is that she didn't see the pattern while simultaneously suffering from the impact of it, and when it came to attempting to communicating "that", she'd close down, and rather that show her face, which she may have been struggling to see, because it was covered by something, she'd "show her ass"- She knew she made mistakes, but the defense mechanism triggered when she "attempted" to hold herself accountable- As if she knew she wasn't "wholely" accountable, but had no idea why-
Having struggled similarly, inwardly, myself with an impasse, I could be projecting that she had no knowledge of the wonderfully, colorful world of graphic Disney dynamics that "patterns" imprint-
Accountability is "incredibly" freaking uncomfortable- But what's worse is tilting at inner windmills while asking why, Why, WHY while trying to beat them back with imaginary fists- You have to ask for help-