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Estrangement

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Reunited..... but not

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Lucyloo12 Mon 27-Jul-20 13:44:27

After 18 months of being ignored one of my daughters now speaks... just. She had separated from her husband, has childcare issues and now says it is OK for me to look after the grandchildren.... with rules. I must not disrespect my ex who now is referred to as grandad. He isn't. When we were together he hated the children and often said so. We parted company after he took a knife to me. Somehow he managed to convince my daughter that it was my fault! He has been extremely useful to her for diy projects and as my money ran out I was of no further use. Now she has no money and tells me so every 5 mins expressing the children need stuff. I have bought the children shoes and clothes as I wouldn't like to see them without. Yesterday she came to collect the children after a weekend break wearing the latest designer get up and told me in front of her new boyfriend how horrible I was during the 18 month no contact. I wasn't, tho i did try countless times to speak as I missed the children desperately. This is just the tip of the iceburg. I am extremely depressed and although I adore the children she has become a control freak and I cant deal with it. If I don't do what she wants I am threatened with no contact again. I feel so sad and low. Too frightened to speak. What am I to do.

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3nanny6 Tue 28-Jul-20 13:06:23

Lucyloo12 ; I am sorry to hear that your daughter is treating you the way she is. Your daughter is back because she has
separated from her husband and now is happy to give you the job of childcare after she has not spoken to you or allowed you to see the grand-children for 18 months. As well as that she is happy to accept clothes and shoes for the children, and then disrespects you. Is it any wonder you feel sad and low and too frightened to speak. That ex -partner of yours sounds a nasty piece of work as well and not someone I would want around children.

Most of what you have posted I have had the same thing with my daughter and at the moment am still trying to work through it. I am at the point where I will not be her doormat any longer and certainly will not be bad-mouthed to when she was given every opportunity when growing up to take herself to a level where she could have secured a well paid
career but threw that away. I am not sure which way things will go with my daughter and I love the grand-children a lot,
but I will have her respect and also keep my own dignity by being allowed to enjoy my own life with or without her in it, that will be her choice.

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Smileless2012 Tue 28-Jul-20 13:35:32

3nannyflowers

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Hetty58 Tue 28-Jul-20 13:39:16

Spot on and well done 3nanny6!

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Toadinthehole Tue 28-Jul-20 14:35:34

Do not put up with this a moment longer. It’s not good for your grandchildren to see such behaviour, and absolutely no good for you. Visit the thread..” unacceptable behaviour “, running at the minute, but please don’t think you’re helping your grandchildren, all you’re doing is showing them it’s fine for their mum to treat you like this. I wish you the very best?

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Lucyloo12 Tue 28-Jul-20 14:53:33

Thank you all so much for your advice, many ideas for me to think over. I will bear in mind how this looks to the grandchildren, they need to see a stronger Granny. Thank you x

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Smileless2012 Tue 28-Jul-20 16:46:21

"They need to see a stronger Granny" yes they do Lucyloo so take care of yourself and you'll be the strong granny they need and deserve.

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Toadinthehole Tue 28-Jul-20 17:10:10

Yes, take care Lucyloo12, and all the very best for you?

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Chewbacca Tue 28-Jul-20 19:05:22

It would be lovely to hear how you get on Lucyloo, maybe come back and let us know at some point?

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