Grandsons too old for grandparents now

This happened to me with the eldest GS, who gradually distanced himself when he was 14. He ignored me in the street a couple of times [he was with a friend and embarrassed/self conscious once] and I was stunned. He also grunted when I visited and stayed in his room].

This was the boy I adored and saw every week, who I took for days out and played with for hours, who ran towards me and hugged me when I arrived, who laughed and played cricket and football with me, And the rest.

His dad was a bit similar at the same age though, and I think some of it was due to body changes and awareness of sexuality...something not easily talked about with a single mother. Of course it's a natural progression of entering adulthood but it hurts when they seemingly shut you out in the process.

I just got on with my life though it hurt so much. There was another younger grandson to enjoy and younger son then had 2 children...

Older GS meanwhile had girlfriends, bought a car, got a job, moved into a flat and is now 21. He is now friendly and affectionate and we connect, talk a lot when I see him. We have a thread between us again though I don't see him much. But he is independent and confident and I'm glad. He was pushing against a bit of a close atmosphere at home and being controlled by adults who all wanted a piece of him and his time. I couldn't see it at the time.

I know now. His brother is now coming up to 13 [wonderful, funny, sensitive boy] and I am prepared this time. I also have 2 other grandchildren who will probably be the same, as I don't see them as often.

I remember refusing to go to church with my grandmother when I was 14, after going with her for years. She must have been hurt by that and I feel awful about it. Teenagers can be so thoughtless. Please don't take it personally OP...I can remember how upsetting it was for me but it works out in the end/in time.

You say the 13 year old wants to discuss politics - can you discuss with him and listen respectfully to each other's viewpoints?

I understand that could be quite a difficult thing to do, but maybe he feels his views are disregarded at the moment.

It sounds to me as if the 16 yr old remembers how grandad ^ hasn't been so sweet and kind^ and now is of an age where he doesn't have to see him.
To me it is significant that you felt the need to write that.

@Bluebell many teenagers in the US have weekend jobs delivering pizzas, bagging groceries, etc. It is also currently summertime and school is not in session. He may have a seasonal job at a camp (my summer job for many years as a teen) or doing landscaping.

A used car can go for as little as $1500 or be passed down from parents as they buy themselves a new car. In fact, many of my friends at that age received cars on their 16th birthdays or as graduation gifts.

Contrary to popular belief, American children are very hard-working and resourceful. It’s not all video games and parties. Having a job at that age gave me so much freedom, independence, and taught me responsibility. @jworks should be proud!

It's all about friends at their age and adults are put on the back burner till they are needed again.

My two teenage GCs are so busy now with becoming adults and they all go through this stage of seemingly not wanting to have a relationship with the adults in their life. It doesn't mean they have stopped loving you and won't be back.

I remember a saying "Hold them tightly with loose hands" which I took to mean let them go and grow up. You have helped to get them to this stage so well done!

There seemed to be far less public transport when we stayed in the U.S.

When we decided to walk to the supermarket two people stopped to ask if everything was okay.

we are different - because of politics


Why did Trump spring to mind?

This is absolutely normal, and sounds like a good job has been done all round. I had a lovely relationship with my granny, but not so much during teenage years, certainly at 16. It was just boys and clubbing, hence my username! I went back though, and your grandsons will, just give them space. Enjoy watching from a distance, and spend time with your husband.