Gransnet forums

Estrangement

Recognise how far you have come.

(86 Posts)
Starblaze Mon 14-Sep-20 10:01:42

Let's just forget any version of "get over it". Try this instead:

When we have been in a state of overcoming for much of our lives, it can be difficult to surrender to the fact that there is no longer anything to overcome. Wilfull overcoming and goal-centeredness become an entrenched way of being- one that is associated with our very survival- and it can be difficult to slow down and realize that we made it out. That we are no longer at risk. That we created a healthier, safer reality. This is as true for people who overcame poverty as it is those who made it out of unsafe home environments. Many of us- and I am one of them- have great difficulty recognizing and integrating the fact that we are no longer back there. Our minds know we got out, but our animal bodies are still carrying the same anxieties that fueled our overcoming. In my own experience, the key to the shift in awareness is developing our capacity for surrender to our bodies. Only when we can drop down below our wilfull warrior, only when we can slow down and truly FEEL the change, will we be able to integrate the fact that we are no longer back there. For us to know the war is over, we have to allow ourselves to breathe deeply into the beautiful world that we have constructed with our own efforts. We have to raise the white flag in our hearts. This is no easy feat- surrendering brings up the old anxieties, at first- but if we stay with it, it will become a natural way of being. And the wars of overcoming, slowly become a thing of the past…

~Jeff Brown

Smileless2012 Sun 11-Oct-20 16:39:55

Welcome Niamh and best wishes for your 80th birthdayflowers; it must be a difficult day for you to say the least; I am sorry.

Birthdays, especially the milestone ones should be celebrated with families.

As you've read posts here on GN you'll know there are estranged parents here so please talk to us. We'll give you the support and help that we can.

You're not alone.

Kate1949 Sun 11-Oct-20 16:44:10

How very sad Niamh. flowers

Chewbacca Sun 11-Oct-20 16:46:27

Niamh first of all I'd like to wish you a very Happy birthday flowers. Secondly, there is a forum especially for people who are in the very same situation as you are and they'd be very welocong to you. Have a look at SUPPORT for all living with the pain of estrangement. They're a friendly crowd and would welcome you.

Iam64 Sun 11-Oct-20 18:25:31

Happy Birthday Niamh
Hope you find some friends on the Support for all living with the pain of estrangement thread

Madgran77 Sun 11-Oct-20 19:37:31

Niamh I second others in suggesting that you look at the "Support for all living with the pain of estrangement" thread

Happy Birthday cupcake

rosecarmel Mon 12-Oct-20 21:39:26

mobile.twitter.com/ewarren/status/1315392147538018306

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Starblaze Wed 14-Oct-20 10:57:02

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rosecarmel Thu 12-Nov-20 00:19:19

One Life by Megan Rapinoe

Great read, still reading, but super inspiring from word one- She embodies and balances confidence and humility- And .. She .. Speaks .. Out, which is my favorite thing about her because as she does encourages others to do the same- I love her!

hupcfl Wed 24-Mar-21 14:22:15

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Blossoming Wed 24-Mar-21 14:40:34

Reported