Your money or your grandsons

I'm afraid I can't, given the limited info on this particular situation, anyway.

MissAdventure

I know of many cases where agreements were made, but people didn't honour them; particularly in cases of remarriage, step children, and so on.
A legacy is a gift, not a right though, and it's a bit much, when the person is still alive!

I agree.

I could see the situation from both sides.

I know of many cases where agreements were made, but people didn't honour them; particularly in cases of remarriage, step children, and so on.
A legacy is a gift, not a right though, and it's a bit much, when the person is still alive!

HolyHannah

jenpax and MissAdventure -- Yes. It IS absolutely wrong to demand a parent give up a house. That may be the story but there could be FAR MORE to the 'story' then that.

While I don't have a personal experience I have heard of parents saying, "I'll give you/will you insert if you do 'this' for me." When the AC does whatever is requested and says, "Okay... I looked after you after your surgery etc. when are you going to take care of fulfilling your end?"

Parent says, "I never said that." and then the AC realizes that it was just a tactic for the parent to get what they wanted and had no intention of doing what they said they would they pull away/go NC.

Now I'm not saying that is at play with OP as there is NO CONTEXT to her situation. I think the general sweep to "son is rotten" is being based on 'nothing' and I'm not okay with that.

I know of a family where it was agreed that if one parent passed and the surviving parent remarried, the house would be signed over to the adult children to protect their interests. The surviving parent would live in the property until their death.

Well, after the mother died, the father remarried and refused to sign the house over to the children.

You can imagine the fall out that took place over that.

Chewbacca

The former.

I am not familiar with that poster or her story but yeah, I have no doubt it happens.

The former.

Chewbacca

There is a regular poster on this forum who has experienced this MrsWarren.

Has experienced her child demanding money or that she signs over her house?

"That’s why the context is important." I agree and have been trying to make that point.

"none of us know the full story and so it's all conjecture." -- Exactly. So why all the attacks on the AC?

There is a regular poster on this forum who has experienced this MrsWarren.

I can see scenarios in real life where a son asking to be given the home may make sense: the person is paying for the mortgage, the person living there is not maintaining it well and the other person needs to step in, the person living in the home is declared incapacitated and is given a guardian, the home was given to another person in a will and the mother is living there, etc.

In this case, the son hasn't talked to the mother in 1 year and this request comes in.
If anything, a relative being sick gets the family closer together, unless there is another set of dynamics in the mix.

I hope OP comes back and explains more

I knew of a case where a person claimed their relatives wanted her home and leave her homeless. She truly believed that and by talking to her, you would believe her 10000%
In reality, she was mentally unstable, refusing medical attention and family wanted to give her a better quality of life on her own home, nobody was kicking her out.

I am not saying this is the case of the OP at all.

Perhaps if/when JGran comes back, she'll give more background information but, until then, none of us know the full story and so it's all conjecture.

Chewbacca

I have heard of adult children saying, "I need you to give/lend me £xxxxx and if you don't, I won't visit you anymore", or "I won't let you see the children anymore." When the parent has given whatever is requested, either because they feel blackmailed into it or because they are generous, they still don't get to see their adult child, or their grandchildren. And they don't get their money back either. So there's no fulfilment at that end either and I'm not ok with that.

Whilst I personally have never known anyone to do this, I have no doubt that it happens.

However, asking for a house to be signed over is a big and extreme demand.

That’s why the context is important.

jenpax

What ever the back ground nobody has the right to demand that their parent hands over their house!

I agree. I did not state otherwise.

However, given the lack of context, I cannot give a helpful response to the OP other than to say her son is a pig. And that’s not helpful since I’m assuming she is looking for advice and not a pile on.

I have heard of adult children saying, "I need you to give/lend me £xxxxx and if you don't, I won't visit you anymore", or "I won't let you see the children anymore." When the parent has given whatever is requested, either because they feel blackmailed into it or because they are generous, they still don't get to see their adult child, or their grandchildren. And they don't get their money back either. So there's no fulfilment at that end either and I'm not ok with that.

I'm ok with you not being ok with that.
I still think it's rotten.

jenpax and MissAdventure -- Yes. It IS absolutely wrong to demand a parent give up a house. That may be the story but there could be FAR MORE to the 'story' then that.

While I don't have a personal experience I have heard of parents saying, "I'll give you/will you insert if you do 'this' for me." When the AC does whatever is requested and says, "Okay... I looked after you after your surgery etc. when are you going to take care of fulfilling your end?"

Parent says, "I never said that." and then the AC realizes that it was just a tactic for the parent to get what they wanted and had no intention of doing what they said they would they pull away/go NC.

Now I'm not saying that is at play with OP as there is NO CONTEXT to her situation. I think the general sweep to "son is rotten" is being based on 'nothing' and I'm not okay with that.

OP will need serious support for this situation. Abusers love having family as victims. It's easier to get support to walk away from an abusive friend or husband/wife. Walk away from a family member and not only is it more painful, some frown at you for doing it.

In my experience, abuse in a family often doesn't stop sadly unless the victim walks away. An abuser likes to keep their victims around.

I was just about to say that, too.

What ever the back ground nobody has the right to demand that their parent hands over their house!

MrsWarren -- I too agree with you and Hithere. I find it difficult to make any suggestions based on a situation with no context.

On the surface it's easy to say son is abusive but I think there's more to it then just that.

Callistemon

^Your OP is two sentences long, it is really hard to give you any meaningful advice based on that alone.^

I am assuming that English is not the OP's first language from the way the post is written, so perhaps it may be difficult for JGran to elicit further.

I did not get that impression but perhaps.

Hopefully she returns to the thread to provide some more information because going on the limited information provided, the situation she is in is not a good one and there is no telling how vulnerable she may be.

Your OP is two sentences long, it is really hard to give you any meaningful advice based on that alone.

I am assuming that English is not the OP's first language from the way the post is written, so perhaps it may be difficult for JGran to elicit further.

I agree with Hithere. There needs to be background to this.

Was your son promised the house at any point?

If not, this surely cannot be the first time your son has acted in this way towards you. How have you dealt with this in the past?

Do you have any other children and what is your relationship like with them? Are you married? Do you have a partner?

If not, do you have anyone else who has supported you through your cancer diagnosis?

Why did you initially think your son was keeping your grandchildren away from you because you had cancer?

Your OP is two sentences long, it is really hard to give you any meaningful advice based on that alone.

I'm sorry that you haven't been well, JGran.
I'm sure we have all had problems, on and off, with our children, but this is total left field. Blackmail at its worst.

Urmstongran -- I agree.