Your money or your grandsons

JGran, just to be clear, the previous two posts of mine are general chatter, not directed at you. For all I know you are 100% the innocent party here. I am on no side since I don't know anyone involved.

Yes I agree OceamMama that GP's not having a relationship with their GC isn't necessarily a situation contrived by either 'side', it can just happen.

OceanMama, I found the way you told your own experience positive. You're right of course, we don't have your Mother in Law's perspective. I found your outline of events, the way in which the existing relationship between her and your children to be a convincing description of a gradual break down in a relationship that wasn't a positive or strong one, to be very believable and convincing.

Iam64 - I would love to see MIL's perspective. Isn't hearing the perspective of another the way people work things out and resolve things? I invited her to share her perspective with me and, towards the end, even suggested family counselling if she was interested. However, as far as I can tell, my husband's family never talk about anything, so nothing gets resolved. I feel I did everything I could and made an effort beyond what was required, so I'm at peace with that.

It's a sad situation that I wish had been different. That ship has well sailed by now though.

Note that this situation comes complete with the invisible son/husband who bears no responsibility in his mother's eyes at all.

Most definitely no. See a solicitor quickly. They would say the same. Anyone capable of what amounts to blackmail, even if it is your son, is able to make promises he has no intention of keeping. I would make sure he doesn't even get a brass farthing when anything happens to you. If you intend leaving your grandsons anything then make sure it is tied up so he cannot get his hands on it. Sorry to say this to you, but what a nasty piece of work he is. Does his wife/partner know what he has said to you? Sign nothing and don't be bullied into anything.

This may have become a power play.

The son doesnt want to proceed further unless the property is given to him and the OP will keep him out of the will unless he talks to her.

OP are both are both on checkmate position - waiting for the other one to capitulate and make the first step.

OP and son are both..... autocorrect ?

Isn't hearing the perspective of another the way the people work things out and resolve things? Yes it is OceanMama and unless 'both sides' are willing to do so there cannot be resolution and reconciliation.

I'm glad that you're at peace, knowing that you did all that you could to try and resolve the problems with your m.i.l.

Smileless2012

*Isn't hearing the perspective of another the way the people work things out and resolve things?* Yes it is OceanMama and unless 'both sides' are willing to do so there cannot be resolution and reconciliation.

I'm glad that you're at peace, knowing that you did all that you could to try and resolve the problems with your m.i.l.

I know I did more than what I needed to. I was very young and I do wish that someone had been there to tell me that the relationship between my husband, my children and his family is not my responsibility to fix. That's between my husband and his family.

Of course I should have some sort of relationship with my MIL (I did want one) but, in the end, my view has changed and I think that with their complete lack of effort on each side to even try to resolve anything (husband and MIL), that makes them as bad as each other in that regard.

I have washed my hands of it but I do care for my husband so have checked with him if he would be okay with how things stand if his mother were to die tomorrow with nothing changed. I at least wanted him to have thought about that rather than live with regrets.

My side of the family is on good terms and involved with each other even though we have had the odd bump along the way. We relate entirely differently and resolve them.

I can understand your desire, as a wife and mother, wanting to fix the problems between your H and his family OceanMama.

You've done the right thing IMO asking your H if, as things stand, he wont have any regrets when his mother dies.

It's so sad to see families fractured in this way where no effort is made to try to improve the situation. All families have their 'bumps along the way', there are just some who are unable and/or unwilling to negotiate those bumps successfully.

Oceanmama I did the same with my husband and he did the same for me and one day we sat and told each other all of it. His all of it was a lot more than mine as he had kept more back. We are both on board with each others estrangement now. My husband was removed from his mum as a child but I thought maybe it would be different after she left the man she was with.... Things got worse for that family, not better and he has been saved a lot of anguish.

Thank you for the support. I think I'll always find it a sad situation but I try to let it go. It shouldn't bother me more than it bothers my husband.