Domestic Violence from kids to parents

Smileless2012

As I've posted MrsWarren he was a manipulative child.

Yes, that’s the third time you’ve said it now.

I get it. You’re going to keep labelling the young child as “manipulative.”

Which is a real shame.

From what you've said already Chewbacca, the level of violence is already very concerning; drop kicking their mother to the back of her legs and knocking her off her feet. It's terrible.

*A child of 3 hitting their parents? 5? 7? 10? Or older. When does it go from a behavioural issue^
to a criminal matter

Well, MrsWarren as I said earlier today, the children that I saw being violent to tonwards their mother are aged 7 & 9. I've no idea when it changes from behavioural to criminal; can you tell me? Isn't the age of criminal responsibility 10 years old in the UK? But wouldn't you rather help the child to break the cycle of violence rather than investigate his criminality potential?

I think there is room for different perspectives without derailing the thread Chewbacca which will happen if people are told their thoughts aren't welcome so let's leave it there for the benefit of an important topic

Chewbacca

*A child of 3 hitting their parents? 5? 7? 10? Or older. When does it go from a behavioural issue^
to a criminal matter

Well, MrsWarren as I said earlier today, the children that I saw being violent to tonwards their mother are aged 7 & 9. I've no idea when it changes from behavioural to criminal; can you tell me? Isn't the age of criminal responsibility 10 years old in the UK? But wouldn't you rather help the child to break the cycle of violence rather than investigate his criminality potential?

Well, you did refer to a child hitting their parent as “domestic violence”.

Would you say a 3 year old hitting their parent is domestic violence? A 5 year old? A 7 year old? A 9 year old?

Or does is only become domestic violence at the age of criminal responsibility?

3nanny6

Oh by the way Chewbacca if he is physically aggressive at playtimes to the girls then he is possibly displaying a behaviour he has seen. I think a post said the mother was a single parent perhaps he witnessed his father being violent to the mother.

Yes, I was going to post something similar.
Learned behaviour from the father?

That mother does need help. If the children were referred by the school to the Child Psychological Service because of their aggression towards the girls then the mother might get the help she needs.

It's a very important and interesting topic Starblaze, you're right. From your perspective, how would you address helping the children who are demonstrating violent behaviour towards a parent, which is borne out of frustration, fear and anxiety because they don't know how to express themselves any other way?

I do think single mums get judged unfairly. Many family units out there different to a mother/father dynamic doing great or not doing great and mother/father units the same.

MrsWarren -- It's amazing how some are willing to line up against a minor child who is likely reacting to "something". That's exactly what my 'mom' did to the adults around me. They ALL believed what a horrible/manipulative child I was. If anyone saw "good" or didn't see Me as 'the issue' then they were kept away. The only people that were allowed around Me were other abusers who loved having another Scapegoat around.

People labeling minor children as 'bad' and then acting on that belief is what drives children to suicide. I always look at the 'family unit' before I "buy" one child is causing all the problems in a home because leadership flows down-hill and the parent(s) are the leaders/in charge of the family.

I'm not a criminal lawyer MrsWarren so I'm unable to help you there. But isn't any violence that occurs within the home domestic violence, irrespective of the criminal act? I'm not very good with semantics, I'm afraid.

I would teach them to Chewbacca. I would teach them to use their words and if they were non verbal or not able to speak my language I would focus on finding a way for them to communicate as a priority with patience and understanding. If I wasn't up to the job myself I would seek professional help

The single mothers are not being judged, though are they, Starblaze.

It is more an acknowledgement that the single mothers mentioned on this thread are struggling.
The fathers who have deserted their families are, perhaps the ones being judged.
A child of that age attacking his mother may well become a violent criminal if help is not accessed.

A decent father probably could control the often testosterone fuelled aggressive behaviour of older teenage boys, unless he is, in fact, the cause of the problem.

Callistemon DIL said that the boys are very well behaved in school, apart from playtime, apparently, and that's when they show aggression towards the girls. With Child Psychology Services and CAMHS so underfunded, there's a huge waiting list for children to be seen apparently, although I don't know if this has even been mooted for the boys.

Poor young woman. It will likely escalate unless they get an intervention. Sounds like those boys need help and therapy. Sometimes boys will copy their fathers way of treatong women... Its hard to know. Maybe they are frustrated and acting out? They need help.

We have all come across a toddler trying to make us understand a need and losing control of their emotions when they couldn't make us understand what it was. This could be screaming and crying or throwing something or lashing out.

Some would punish that behaviour and the poor child would be left to their anger and frustration punished by the parents anger and frustration. Child learns that the appropriate way to deal with communication problems is anger and frustration.

Or the parent can show patience and kindness. Figure out what the toddler needs, teach them to point, teach them the word "cup" or "snack" or "toilet" or "nap". Take them by the hand and say "show me". Find what works to help them express themselves in a positive way.

Chewbacca

I'm not a criminal lawyer MrsWarren so I'm unable to help you there. But isn't any violence that occurs within the home domestic violence, irrespective of the criminal act? I'm not very good with semantics, I'm afraid.

I’m sorry if I didn’t make myself clear in my last post.

I am not concerned about the law, or the age of criminal responsibility, or anything like that.

You yourself referred to a child hitting their parent as “domestic violence”.

I am seeking clarification of what you consider falls under the category of “domestic violence”?

But isn't any violence that occurs within the home domestic violence, irrespective of the criminal act?

So you would consider a toddler hitting their parent during a tantrum domestic violence?

What about a 7 year old SEN child hitting out at their parent. Is that domestic violence?

I am curious as to why you are using the term “domestic violence” to describe young children acting out in ways which are developmentally normal.

I'm concerned about hidden elder abuse. (Yes, I think it's relevant - as often it's at the hands of family members.)

According to Age UK:

'The Crime Survey of England and Wales does not collect any statistics on victims and survivors of domestic abuse over the age of 74. Without these figures, nobody knows the true extent of the problem, or whether these older people are getting the help they need.'

They have a petition to ask the government to put this right.

I know Lavazza1st, I feel desperately sorry for all of them. She's such a young woman, tiny build and seems very timid and withdrawn. She brushes away any offers to help her when they've knocked her down and quickly hurries away.

I am curious as to why you are using the term “domestic violence” to describe young children acting out in ways which are developmentally normal.

I cannot consider children of 7 or 9 kicking their mother to the floor, on several occassions as developmentally normal MrsWarren and am therefore unable to satisfy your curiosity.

Callistermon I clearly said I think single mums do get judged unfairly because they often do. It wasn't a comment in relation to others comments here... I'd have to read back through to see if it could be

Hetty is that elder abuse at the hands of adult children or spouse or do you mean in the ckntext of carers looking after elderly people?

Chewbacca

^I am curious as to why you are using the term “domestic violence” to describe young children^ acting out in ways which are developmentally normal.

I cannot consider children of 7 or 9 kicking their mother to the floor, on several occassions as developmentally normal MrsWarren and am therefore unable to satisfy your curiosity.

You are avoiding my question. I made no reference to the 7 and 9 year old children you have posted about (who are clearly very troubled young boys, with something going on in their lives and who’s needs must be addressed as a matter of priority by their mum).

I asked you:

So you would consider a toddler hitting their parent during a tantrum domestic violence?

What about a 7 year old SEN child hitting out at their parent. Is that domestic violence?

Context not ckntext

I am curious as to why you are using the term “domestic violence” to describe young children acting out in ways which are developmentally normal.
Perhaps because that is the title of the thread MrsWarren?

"Domestic Violence from kids to parents"

A child of 9 kicking the legs from under his mother and flooring her, then laughing about it, is rather different from a toddler having a tantrum.

It would probably be painful for any single mum to hear that her kids need a father or a man or anything of that sort though when most single parents, male or female do not very often get much choice in the matter and I think that would make me feel doomed somehow to hear it.