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Estrangement

Estranged from Christmas for the first time

(16 Posts)
Grandchildren2 Sat 19-Dec-20 10:17:05

I had to take action in the best interests of the grandchildren and have all year been trying to cope with the loss of them. I feel I have been very brave using all the things that maintain resilience but as the "big day" approaches the reality is cruel and unforgiving. I live alone which makes it even harder. I fine I tell most people but inside Im crying. How do others in this position cope?

Tweedle24 Sat 19-Dec-20 10:26:07

Bless your heart. I can’t imagine being cut off from my grandchildren so that was a very brave thing to do.

All I can offer is a virtual hug. If you are religious, watch or listen to the church services and then cook yourself a delicious meal and accompany it with a lovely bottle of your favourite tipple and watch something cheery on Netflix.

If you are not religious, do all those things but, without the church service.

It is only one day. Get up late and go to bed early and then it will be over.

Grandchildren2 Sat 19-Dec-20 10:40:38

Thank you for your kind words. I think the aloneness is the hardest. I don't share details with my sisters because I want to preserve the parents relationships but when extended show life with their grandchildren it is very hard. One thing I did recently was draw a portrait of my sisters new grandchild and sent it to her for Christmas. It may sound odd but it provided an avenue where I could channel my love. (in the midst of all this I have found my art).

silverlining48 Sat 19-Dec-20 12:20:31

Grandchikdren2 flowers

vampirequeen Sat 19-Dec-20 12:24:11

Can you plan a pamper day for yourself? Do lots of things you like to do, eat what you like to eat and generally treat yourself.

Iam64 Sat 19-Dec-20 12:56:00

What a tough thing you had to do OP. This year has been a difficult one for everyone and especially so in your situation. If you have rediscovered art, maybe you could find a project to set up and start work on Christmas Day. If you like and have the mobility to walk, take a walk, come home and enjoy something very special to eat. Treat yourself x

MissAdventure Sat 19-Dec-20 13:32:20

You could plan out and start another drawing (in between watching TV and having nice food and drink)

Pop on here if you're missing company, although I know it's not the same as your usual routine.

timetogo2016 Sat 19-Dec-20 13:42:10

Sadly grandchildren2,you are not alone.
This will be the first year ever i won`t see my 2 son`s/2 dil`s and my4 grandchildren.
But i am good at putting a brave face on as tonot upset them.
Try and enjoy the day for what it is g/2.

Smileless2012 Sat 19-Dec-20 14:05:45

You seem to have misread the OP timetogo Grandchildren2 is estranged from her GC so it isn't just Christmas she wont be seeing them, she hasn't seen them all year.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this GC2 this is the time of the year we miss our GC the most. This is extremely hard for you as your OP suggests you previously had a relationship with your GC.

We have been estranged from our son and only GC for 8 years and never really knew the eldest and have never met the youngest. You know what you have lost; we can only imagine.

If you are unable to send them a card, get them one and start a memory box where you can put any cards you're not able to send, any keep sake's you already have and perhaps any letters that you write in the future.

Please don't not talk about this even if here on GN is the only place you feel able to do so. Don't keep it all bottled up inside, it wont do you any good and there are GP's just like you, estranged from their GC who will understand and give you what ever support you need.

Living alone is going to make this even harder so take one day at a time. It sounds as if you have a wonderful talent as you've been able to draw a portrait of your sister's new GC.

Treat yourself to some new drawing pencils and paper and use your artistic gift to release some of the emotion you're feeling and channel some of that love you have for the GC you miss.

Take care and remember there are GP's here if you need themflowers.

Toadinthehole Sat 19-Dec-20 16:21:04

I wasn’t sure about this either Smileless, whether it’s just for Christmas the OP is estranged, or it’s a way of life now. Grandchilren2, could you give us a bit more to go on of that’s possible? How did it all start?

DiscoDancer1975 Sat 19-Dec-20 16:27:02

Yes, I’m another one who’s not sure what the OP means. We’ve all ‘ lost’ our grandchildren this year in a manner of speaking. I’m guessing it is about permanent estrangement though, and it would be helpful to have a bit of background. For you Grandchildren2 💐

sodapop Sat 19-Dec-20 19:58:34

I'm sorry to hear of your problems Grandchildren2 that's very hard.
It's only one day as Tweedle said make a plan for your day with some treats to look forward to, do some drawing, read a book etc. Doing things in small bursts is better I find if I'm trying to take my mind off something. Talk to us on here, there are quite a few GN members who will be alone on the day. Take care thanks

Smileless2012 Sat 19-Dec-20 20:04:02

I got the impression the OP was referring to being estranged Toadinthehole and DiscoDancer. Maybe she'll come back and clarify that for us.

Sparkling Sun 20-Dec-20 05:34:08

Grandchikdren2, this will be my first Christmas estranged from DD and family.. I am alone too, I am scared by my failure to accept what I cannot change, I love them so much but they see me differently so I have to live with it, they would view any move to reconnect as unwelcome. We have to respect their wishes, but it's hard,

Sparkling Sun 20-Dec-20 05:39:57

I might have got the wrong impression, maybe you are not estranged and just kept apart by this virus. The end is in sight if thats what it is, just think of the reunion which will come next year. I am sure you are in their thoughts as they are in yours. If that were my position, just knowing they care and that's it's circumstances that prevents contact, I could accept it, it is just important they are safe.

sodapop Sun 20-Dec-20 08:48:28

So sorry Sparkling I hope things get better for you next year tchsmile