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Estrangement

That Interview

(86 Posts)
Sparkling Wed 10-Mar-21 07:43:14

I never watched it, but have seen so many clips on the news and such I might just have done so. My heart goes out to this couples families, Royal or not, how can they ever re unite after being so publicly trashed for over 2 hours. The dislike was palpable. It that how people that estrange really feel, loved ones disquarded. They are extremely wealthy and privileged, have each other and a lifestyle others can only dream of. The world as gone through unspeakable tradegy through this pandemic, so many deaths and sacrifes by people but only see their own truth! . I cannot for one minute understand so little compassion. It has been troubling me so much my own daughter not ringing to see if I was alive but if nothing else this interview clarified it somewhat, they see things from their own perspective that I don't warrant a thought, if you loved someone you just couldn't do it. I feel so upset by seeng and listening to what I have, it has unleached such bitterness.

Sparkling Wed 10-Mar-21 07:48:12

To clarify, not bitterness by me but the responses from the media. People I have loved watching, saying how they feel the same. I will forever be wary now after a life time of seeing everyone for what they are, not gender or colour.

NellG Wed 10-Mar-21 08:51:16

Families function when there is open communication and when every member feels that they matter equally. Even royal families, though the fact that their ranks make them differ might make the job harder. Unfortunately in many families some of the members cant see past themselves and will take what is given, ask for more and complain when it doesn't suit. When challenged they will show their lack of care by walking away and then justifying their poor treatment by re writing everyone's narrative including their own. It's a brutal severing of attachments that is more painful than a death - I say that from direct personal and professional experience. They will rarely acknowledge anyone else's pain but their own and would die on the hill of being right rather than ever accept we are all different, we all make mistakes and we all matter.

Everyone thinks it will never happen to them, their family is solid, they make excuses for indifference, rudeness, greed etc and fill the gaps with more and more giving and compensating and attempts to understand saying- they're young, naive, it's shut their temperament, they're going through a tough time, perhaps they're depressed... and on and on trying to find a reason why this person/persons they love cannot 'see' them too. People give too much of themselves to a situation that can't be solved by just one side pulling the weight. The message being, it can happen to anyone in any family. You're right to be wary, or at least careful. Most people will tell you exactly who they are at some point or another - when what they do hits you in the gut, listen the first time. It won't change.

AmberSpyglass Wed 10-Mar-21 08:52:38

But they didn’t estrange their family. They made a career and life choice and their family treated them appallingly because of it. I’m sorry it clearly touched a nerve, but everyone has a right to cut out or reduce contact with people based on their words or actions.

Pantglas2 Wed 10-Mar-21 08:57:09

Good post Nell.

Shropshirelass Wed 10-Mar-21 08:58:56

I don’t think they should have done the interview, you don’t air your dirty washing in public. There are ways of sorting things out privately and this is what should have been done. I thought Harry looked very uncomfortable, his body language was telling me he didn’t want to be there and Meghan spoke for him on occasion. It is done now and the whole world know what they have said, but, it is their view and events are not always seen the same by all parties. I do however wish that Harry had never met Meghan, I do think she pulls the strings. Very sad.

grandmajet Wed 10-Mar-21 09:24:02

It is significant that Meghan is estranged from so many who were previously important in her life; family, friends, professional acquaintances, all seem to be dropped when they have displeased her in some way.
I hope I am wrong, but I can’t see a happy long term future for Harry and his family.

mumofmadboys Wed 10-Mar-21 10:00:41

I agree with Shropshirelass they should never have done the interview. Things should have been resolved in private.Can you imagine if one of our kids did that to us ?

eazybee Wed 10-Mar-21 10:13:59

The marriage is poised to disintegrate; they have achieved their desires but are clearly not happy. Why?

People who claim to be happy, who have everything they could possibly need and most of what they profess to want, who are healthy and wealthy, with a thriving son and another child soon, count the world well lost for love. They do not broadcast spiteful, inaccurate interviews designed to estrange them from both their families and cause themconsiderable hurt.

foxie48 Wed 10-Mar-21 10:16:16

Why would anyone choose to go out and broadcast grievances like this to the whole world? Harry will know that the palace would not embroil themselves in a tit for tat public disagreement and the damage it has done not only to him and Meghan but also to his family is incalculable. How on earth does anyone benefit from this apart from giving the media a further feeding frenzy? I honestly don't get it. Harsh words and accusations said in private are damaging enough but said like this, true or not, are totally destructive. This is very sad for everyone and fwiw I don't believe Archie was denied the title of Prince or security because of racism although I can believe some inept person mind have queried the colour of his skin, but that doesn't make the whole monarchy racist. I am not a royalist, the disgraceful behaviour of both Charles and Diana + Fergy and Andrew was enough to finish me off!

Smileless2012 Wed 10-Mar-21 10:35:34

Excellent post Nell and a good thread Sparklingsmile.

I posted last week else where on GN, how I was feeling about the approaching interview. I was stunned at how, even before it was aired, it was affecting me personally.

The pain, anger and overall trauma of an episode that began in our lives more than 8 years ago was re surfacing with such force that I was exhibiting the physical effects all over again. Being weepy, extremely tired, sad and at times feeling physically sick.

It has for me reinforced what has been, and is for any parent, a terrible truth; they just don't care.

I didn't watch it either and like you Sparkling am aware of the gruesome details none the less. Mr. S. watched it but not the entire thing. Interestingly he hadn't found M's slot as difficult as he thought he would, although he didn't believe her.

It was when H made an appearance. He managed about 10 minutes and couldn't stand anymore which I think is because although M reminded him of our ES's wife, H reminded him of our ES.

They have all but estranged H's family AmberSpyglass and have justified their behaviour, as many EAC do, with false and/or unsubstantiated allegations.

If M's tale of not being given the help she needed is true, then it's also true of her H isn't it. It wasn't just the RF and/or their aids who failed her; H failed her too and as her husband, his failure is far greater than anyone else's.

What I've gathered though, is H showed far more passion, anger and bitterness about his father withdrawing his financial support, failing to be there for him and not taking his calls.

It beggars belief that any man in his 30's would expect to be financially supported by his father, let alone one whose personal wealth is said to be in region of 40 million $.

What you say is significant regarding the number of people M's already estranged from is also significant in our own case
gandmajet. That said, even though you're aware that even those closest were dropped, you still never expect it to happen to you.

My heart goes out to H's family who will be heart broken and understandably so.

For many EP's and EGP's I wonder if they've done as a small favour. All too often we're labelled as abusive and told we must have done or said something, that AC don't estrange for no good reason.

This interview may make some think again before being so quick to judge.

Whether or not H & M have destroyed their relationship with H's family remains to be seen, but even if they are seen together, who knows how deep the river of pain, disappointment and anger that may well be flowing under the surface will be.

Madgran77 Wed 10-Mar-21 11:22:29

It's interesting that the impact on individual emotions, feelings of depression fears etc have been impacted on quite forcefully by this debacle....I have been pondering on the reasons why I have been feeling so low, beef lockdown miseries, and have realised that being aware of the endless media stuff, the awful debates and nastiness etc are having more of an effect on me than I had realised and bringing to the fore things from my own life to an extent I would not have expected. I can empathise Smileless with what you describe, even in our different circumstances

Smileless2012 Wed 10-Mar-21 13:31:59

Madgranflowers of course how we, the RF and goodness knows how many others may have been adversely affected by this circus doesn't matter, as long as M's OK.

And apparently she is. She has no regrets and has found the entire experience cathartic. She seems to think that now the healing can begin.

I know we can never be healed and I doubt those they've betrayed and publicly trashed will ever heal either. Oh silly me; she's talking about her being healed isn't she.

NellG Wed 10-Mar-21 14:59:01

mumofmadboys

I agree with Shropshirelass they should never have done the interview. Things should have been resolved in private.Can you imagine if one of our kids did that to us ?

Mine did, not on TV but to the whole of my extended family. He and his wife went visiting and repeated the lies they'd told about me to each and every one. Some were sucked in, some decided they'd sit on the fence. All of them are now also estranged from me because the effects of being widely lied about and maligned are not only mental ( I had a breakdown ) they are also physical ( dangerously high blood pressure and the triggering of an autoimmune condition ). So like you, my feelings are for all of the people they can't acknowledge their behaviour has hurt.

A parents most of us will accept AC life choices that differ from what we'd choose, I think even the RF did. They didn't stop them stepping back or emigrating - what's unacceptable is that when those choices aren't celebrated, financially supported and made out to be the best thing since sliced bread for everyone, the AC lash out and savage the hand that fed them, then complain to all and sundry how unfair it all is, and if people don't support them, they lie until they do.

I tried to watch that interview with awareness of my own bias in all of this, I also watched it wondering if I might learn something of where I went wrong and how I could have done better. At the end of it I found myself no further forward other than confirming to myself that I will love my son until my dying day but I'm bloody glad I don't have to deal with him any more. I wish him and his wife every happiness, but far away from me. They come at WAY too high a price.

NellG Wed 10-Mar-21 15:01:30

For all the people on this thread who know what they know flowers

NellG Wed 10-Mar-21 15:05:58

AmberSpyglass

But they didn’t estrange their family. They made a career and life choice and their family treated them appallingly because of it. I’m sorry it clearly touched a nerve, but everyone has a right to cut out or reduce contact with people based on their words or actions.

No, their family just didn't hang the bunting up. Yes, everyone does have a right to distance themselves from things that cause them pain - I have, but with respect for the fact that in doing so I also caused pain to others. I have never felt the need to garner support for that and make it worse. It's possible to create distance and care for oneself without being cruel, vengeful and self serving in the process.

Armadillo Wed 10-Mar-21 15:06:49

Has everyone seen the difference in how the press treated Kate and Meghan on the same topics? It was really bad from the beginning and worse now. One headline the other day said "Markles son" like that little baby isnt royal at all. I am not sure I like Meghan much as a person but what she has said about the way the press has treated her from the beginning is right and it's a bit like when my family didn't defend me so I get that aspect of it. Hopefully they won't end up estranged but they need to listen to the problems because the problems are real and upsetting I think.

Smileless2012 Wed 10-Mar-21 15:07:16

Ours did too Nell. To friends of our ES's we'd known for years and to his brotherangry.

There was a time when we thought we'd lose him too and when I realised we weren't going too, I told him so. He said "I know mum but you'll never lose me. I'm not like .....".

flowers for you too Nell and for us all.

AGAA4 Wed 10-Mar-21 15:14:23

I think the palace acted with dignity in their reply "recollections may vary" says a lot. They have also said that Harry, Meghan and Archie are much loved by the family.

How different from the scathing remarks from M and H in front of millions of people. Family matters should be kept within the family.

NellG Wed 10-Mar-21 15:15:16

Sometimes Smiles I think we're stuck in the same nightmare sad My daughter said the same.

It's these similarities between many of us on the receiving end of the M&H treatment - in fact not just similar, identical often, that allow us to make the judgments that we do with the certainty that we do. Data doesn't lie even when people do wink

NellG Wed 10-Mar-21 15:18:46

Armadillo No one is disputing how foul the press were, not at all.

Also, they are already estranged/distanced - she from all but her mother. Harry from his brother and in a strained relationship with his father. This interview wont have helped.

Oldbutstilluseful Wed 10-Mar-21 15:21:30

NellG, I wanted to write something about how I enjoy your posts, written with clear eyes and unbiased viewpoint, laced with a lot of humour. Your post of 14.59 is so painful to read that I’m lost for words.

I shall continue to look out for your posts and wish you all the very best (I hope that doesn’t sound too stalkerish!) 🌷🌷

NellG Wed 10-Mar-21 15:26:21

Oldbutstilluseful Bless you, I may have to have a bit of a cry now, but in the best possible way. Thank you for being so kind. xxx

PamelaJ1 Wed 10-Mar-21 15:29:08

We had a family falling out.
If it had been confined to dialogue the rift may have been mended. As one of our family wrote an open letter to others it could never be forgotten. All we had to do was read the letter to be reminded of the bitterness.
Thank heavens we didn’t have an Oprah soap opera to relive.

Smileless2012 Wed 10-Mar-21 15:35:11

I think you're right Nell. That's spooky isn't it. You don't think we're related in some way do you?grin.

There was an interesting news link on my lap top this morning, about the headlines that were on view behind Oprah during the circus interview.

One was about M being or bringing to the RF a 'bad seed'. It had been taken out of context as the story was about the lover of a member of UKIP who'd tweeted this and UKIP member was sacked for it.

Another was about M 'not speaking our language' sounds racist doesn't it but no, it was someone in the business world complaining about her 'woke hippy' language when talking about business.

I agree Armadillo that the "problems are real and upsetting" as are H&M. As for Archie not being referred too with a royal title, he doesn't have one and can't be given one until Charles is king.

"recollections may vary" says it all AGAA.