Estrangement

Good morning from the UK! I think with a bit of time & goodwill your trip will work out. I can understand your disappointment but take a deep breath & keep the communication open & be cheerful when you speak to your family. Try not to mention your trip/circumstances/tickets and see what happens.
As for thanks from Grandchildren ...forget it. My mum used to send funds to her grandchildren in New Zealand. Never got a thanks, not even a postcard, so she stopped acknowledging their birthdays at all. They didn't seem bothered & once she got over the idea of her decision, it was a relief not to keep looking for acknowledgement or thanks. Simples!
Chin up ....

Hello softly, it’s wake up time here in ?? Uk, sorry you have been so disappointed especially with it being your 80 th too. Congratulations on that.
Hope you get your visit sorted out and it’s not too long til you see your family again.
It’s been pretty bad year here and lots of us have missed out on seeing family for so long. Many celebrations have had to be cancelled and have yet to be reinstated. You are not alone.

Bumping this post so the UK morning crowd can support the OP.

I had a thought on birthdays, softly. With the severe lockdowns, several family birthdays of ours went pretty unacknowledged. It wasn't possible to go shopping because all but essential shops were shut, florists were shut. I hope your son did call you on the day but I'm thinking your birthday was missed mostly due to circumstance.

This can, not fan

I truly didnt mean to upset you.

I am sure this fan be worked out and as this board is uk based mostly, posters are sleeping now.

Wait for a few hours and I am sure you will get other posts thst may help you

softly400, due to this pandemic I have now not seen my family for 18 months. It's an unfortunate reality many of us are living right now. I know it is hard and lonely.

You have four grandchildren in a four bedroom home. That means someone is sharing. So, with that number of people, the house is not so large.

As far as assurance - I suppose I'm trying to assure you by giving you some other perspectives on your concerns. Perspectives that are not personal.

Your son might not be the organiser but he can express his wishes to his wife. I am the organiser just because I know everyone's schedules best but, if my DH wants something to happen, he lets me know and I work it out. Your son can do the same.

Meanwhile, since things are quite open in Australia, do you think you might be interested in joining some social groups local to you? I know it's not family but it is a distraction and provides for some other connection.

Thankyou all, I had no idea this was not the title to use, as mentioned. This is my first time posting. My youngest grandson is 6, I have 4 Grandchildren under 16, they are not allowed to have phones. My son does ring me, at least once a fortnight, but he is not the organizer of his time or family, as he has a very exacting job. For your information the Home is large, with 4 bedrooms. Maybe you can suggest which part of the forum can give me some support. I also do not think I can make this "not personal" when I have waited for a year to reconnect with family. Many thanks for the information about Google meet, zoom, and webex. I will suggest this to my son, even though he is not conversant with technology, my daughter in law is the one that usually deals with these aspects. I am fully aware of being super busy, because I was once there. I still do not expect to be put on the end of the list as an item that needs to be ticked off. I am a Mother and a Grandmother, I am also a Widow. I do not expect anything from my son that suggests he owes me anything. I love him and I know he loves me. I do not expect as mentioned to be put last on the list as an item. I am a person and did need some reassurance as this has just happened. I will not post again.

Btw, calling this thread estrangement is very misleading.

This is very far from being estranged, as you have frequent contact with them

We cross posted

"I have also lost out on the money side of paying for and cancelling tickets once again after my biggest 80th year, which surely is not supposed to be ignored."
Was this a previous trip that was organized or this one? Sorry it is not clear to me

" I don't expect much. at least a phone call from my Grandchildren would be good."
For you, it is not much but you cannot speak for the other person.
Schedules of families with kids are super busy and it can be hard to add one more item to the list

Have you tried calling them instead?

"Skype set up or phone set up I have tried to get arranged, this I was told could not be done on my phone. "its called face time"""
It seems like they have iPhones and you have an android.
Alternatively, Google meet, zoom, webex, can also be used and it is compatible with both platforms.

It does read like you booked the vacation without confirming the exact dates with them.
In the future, if I were you, I would coordinate with them before booking to avoid the miscommunication again

However, this is not the only item that is adding to your hurt.

You also seem to resent that they are going in the caravan with her parents.
You also mention her parents live next door

Another sore point is the lack of calls from your gc in 3 years.
How old are your gc?
When you send presents, do your son, dil and gc thank you for them?

From the point of view of the recipient, it is great to have a present.
However, including the request of a call may sour the present and put pressure on them to call you

Do you talk to your gc on the phone on other ocassions?

Mentioning that it wasnt fair - that is an unreasonable statement.

Nothing in this life is fair. We know that. Why mention it to your son, as if something was owed to you?

Is it true that you can't do Facetime on your phone? If so, maybe an upgrade is needed. I'm an in between generation. I phone my parents but message with my children. Ways of communication have certainly changed.

Will your son discuss your concerns with you? Have you asked him if you've inadvertently offended him in some way?

FWIW, my mother is keen to visit and needs to fly to do so. I'm not sure I'm keen to have any visitors that have sat in a plane at this time. Could that be it? It's also awkward with work from home arrangements as my spare room, where she would usually stay, is currently DH's office and he needs that space still. Even in a low-Covid environment, thess issues still exist.

Thanks for your replies, this is for interstate travel not overseas, and we do text and email. If I had specific dates to refer to then it would not be misconstrued. I figure I got blamed for something they didn't want to tell me. Neither of them told me they were going up North with her Mother.

I am sorry but this is personal, I have had good communication by phone and text and email with both of them before this. I have also lost out on the money side of paying for and cancelling tickets once again after my biggest 80th year, which surely is not supposed to be ignored. I don't expect much. at least a phone call from my Grandchildren would be good. Skype set up or phone set up I have tried to get arranged, this I was told could not be done on my phone. "its called face time"

If you are talking about traveling from another state, then ignore the first part of my previous response.

I wouldn't take the GC not calling too personally. That generation doesn't tend to make phone calls. They communicate by texts and messaging. Maybe you can try communicating with them that way? Then you'll be speaking their language.

Regarding dates, the second part of my previous post still applies. I know if I don't have a locked in date, I consider it open to making other plans. This comes from experiences of leaving tentative dates open and having nothing come of them too often.

I agree with Cafeaulait. I don’t think this is deliberate. It’s crossed wires. Anyway, the borders are closed, I think. So, you’ve got plenty of time to organise another trip. Good luck...

Other than for returning Australians, I'm pretty sure Australian borders are shut to international arrivals other than from New Zealand maybe. You would also have a two weeks quarantine which you have to pay for. I'm not sure you can visit Australia if you are not a citizen.

Your DIL gave you some vague dates. If you didn't confirm before booking, they were still free to make other plans. I'm sure it's disappointing but it sounds like this is crossed wires rather than anything personal.