Family Estranged me

You sound like a lovely person with so much to look forward to. As everyone here has said, concentrate on your wife & coming baby. Look forward, not back & enjoy your life without the toxic influences of others. How much do you need them in your life? Probably not a lot & there is too much nonesense gone on in the past to easily be able to put that right now.
Go for counselling & put the past behind you. Rejoice that you are able to start afresh & love your little family in a calm peaceful way which was never given to you.
Sending a big virtual hug to you, your dear wife & the expected little one.

Because of your toxic parents, you had a very disruptive and dysfunctional childhood, which has obviously impacted on your mental health.
Your parents are not going to change, keep them away from your lovely wife and baby.
They are your family now and your priority is to look after them.
As others have advised, get help for your mental health.
Wishing you happiness for the future.

1. Get some counselling and work through the awful time that you have had over many years, the consequences of all that
2. Focus on your wife and child, your own little family and creating something so much better for them
3. You are not the sum of your past; you are the sum of your present and you future.

Your wife and child are your priority, you duty is to provide a safe environment for you all and protect to all. Your parents have chosen their way which is totally unacceptable and it is up to them to live as they see fit, you should not have to conform to the unacceptable. I know it won’t be easy but knowing right is on your side concentrate on the three if you. I didn’t think I would say this but you’ve a are better without them, they failed to keep you safe, don’t continue the pattern.

Your wife and baby are your family now . You’ve done your best to keep up with your parents and it hasn’t worked. So you must move on and concentrate on your own little family now . You’ve done well to get away from them and stand on your own two feet and find a living partner. Pat yourself on the back on focus the future now .

Smileless2012

After a lifetime of living with your dysfunctional and abusive parents Konzul, it finally got too much for you so please don't carry on reproaching yourself for wanting to self harm.

Coming to terms with the fact that no matter how much we do for someone we love, and how much we try to accommodate everyone of their needs, that it's never going to be enough and they don't want us in their lives, is one of the hardest and most painful of life's experiences.

You have a wife and a child of your own to think and care about and as Chestnut has said "when your baby arrives you will feel so much love it will change your life completely".

It's going to take time to come to terms with not just this recent event with your parents, but everything you've been subjected too throughout your life. Give some thought to counselling, talk this over with your lovely wife and see what she thinks.

If you're happy for her to do so, it may be possible for her to attend any sessions with you.

I hope that with time, you'll be able to see that although this was your parents decision to estrange, you, your wife and your child will be happier and healthier without them in your life.

Smileless2012 Thank you for your kind words and support i want to say thanks to each one of you but i will "spam" the all conversation if i did so so thanks all of you nice people.
All of your comments helps me a lot and i really feel better after sharing my situation online.
What hurts the most for me is knowing that they are suffering as well and how my parents could leave in such a state. Nevertheless i am healing and will take time i know, at least i do not have any suicidal thoughts anymore and slowly coming in terms with the reality of the situation.. No matter what i will always love them as my family and i will never wish them bad.
Once again thanks a lot for the support!

After a lifetime of living with your dysfunctional and abusive parents Konzul, it finally got too much for you so please don't carry on reproaching yourself for wanting to self harm.

Coming to terms with the fact that no matter how much we do for someone we love, and how much we try to accommodate everyone of their needs, that it's never going to be enough and they don't want us in their lives, is one of the hardest and most painful of life's experiences.

You have a wife and a child of your own to think and care about and as Chestnut has said "when your baby arrives you will feel so much love it will change your life completely".

It's going to take time to come to terms with not just this recent event with your parents, but everything you've been subjected too throughout your life. Give some thought to counselling, talk this over with your lovely wife and see what she thinks.

If you're happy for her to do so, it may be possible for her to attend any sessions with you.

I hope that with time, you'll be able to see that although this was your parents decision to estrange, you, your wife and your child will be happier and healthier without them in your life.

A toxic relationship with one or both parents can really cut you to the bone. If they are saying things that hurt you then keep well away from them, these words can destroy your self-esteem, weaken you and make you doubt yourself. Instead focus on being a good and loving husband and preparing to be a good and loving father for your baby. When your baby arrives you will feel so much love it will change your life completely. You will want to be a better person and the baby will give you the strength to be that person. Keep believing that you can be and you will be.

You've got a whole load of Grandparents / Parents here in the mean time eagerly awaiting your baby.
As you and they get older & wiser who knows what the future may hold?

Yes, Konzul11, you have found the answer yourself. You have tried your best to have a normal relationship with your family, but it has not worked. They caused you so much distress that you wanted to harm yourself. I agree with you that now you should let them be.

You don’t wish your parents and sister any harm, but now you need to take care of yourself and your wife and your baby, when she or he arrives. I agree with the advice others have given you to see your GP to ask for some help from a counsellor so that you will not feel so badly upset by the way your parents have treated you in the past and again now on this recent visit. Now you have a new life ahead of you with a family of your own.

I wish you and your wife and baby a happy future.

I am sorry I missed that you and your sister are not on good terms, even more reason to just look after your family and try to get some help fir yourself.

I am sorry, how upsetting for all of you, but especially you and your wife. Just for now concentrate on her and the new baby. They are the most important people. They are your family.
I hope you are on good terms with your sister and assume your parents are home now and hope in time things get better but your last sentence says it all.
This is to be avoided at all cost Congratulations and wishing you good luck, peace and happiness.

Konzul11

Thanks a lot for all of your advices. Unfortunately i misbehaved inappropriately and by trying to harm myself was very stupid of me in which i did apologise to everyone and i definitely need to seek help in order to become better person and not have scenes like that in front of my Kid/ Wife. Your comments have helped me a lot and i really appreciate it. Thank you so much to all of you!

When i say "misbehave" i mean i shouldn't have attempted to harm myself... Nevertheless after reading the comments i think i will need to learn how to move on and try to forget about them as much as i can.
I should not allow my parents to destroy my life as they have destroyed theirs and they are very destructive all their lifes.. I don't understand how an ego and denial can be better option than having your son as part of the family.
So far they haven't attempted to reach me at all and i have tried to do so but no prevail i think is for the best to embrace the estrangement and let them be.. I don't wish them bad but toxicity needs to stop and life's move on with or without them!

I agree with the above.
Babies often being families together. Maybe your parents could visit you separately at different times?
I'm glad you can see they are good people on the whole. Maybe circumstances have made life difficult for them.
Best wishes to you and your partner. Congratulations n your expected baby.

Love your wife and baby they are your priority. Get help to heal yourself , you can not alter your relationship with your family so concentrate on building a new family.
Good luck !

Thanks a lot for all of your advices. Unfortunately i misbehaved inappropriately and by trying to harm myself was very stupid of me in which i did apologise to everyone and i definitely need to seek help in order to become better person and not have scenes like that in front of my Kid/ Wife. Your comments have helped me a lot and i really appreciate it. Thank you so much to all of you!

Sorry keeping quiet , crossed posts

Please, please get some help for how terrible you feel, for your sake and for your little family. Ask your GP to refer you. All the best to you

I am so sorry you are going through this. Your parents sound like nightmare toxic people and I would feel glad they are gone from my life, if this was me.
Go and see your GP, tell him/her everything you have told us and get some therapy.
It is not fair to inflict this trauma on your wife and children either. You have a chance to focus on your own growing family who need your stability- do it for them.

What a sad state of affairs. I can only offer the advice of be happy you have your wife who loves you and look forward to the child you are expecting. I think once the child is born you may feel better. I do hope so. Take care.

Sorry, western european... more coffee

Hi from a fellow Eastern European!

Looks like you are not missing much, they are supertoxic.

I would encourage you to start counseling. Trying to hurt yourself is a dysfunctional way to address your hurt.