Abuse from son

rascal (and everyone else for their kindness) thanks for the information. All is calm atm, and I have heard nothing - long may it last

This will never end unless you do.

So sorry about this Madwoman11. There is Hourglass, Safer ageing - Stopping abuse. Here is the info: Helpline 0808 808 8141.
Web: www.wearehourglass.org
Email:
[email protected]
I hope you can get some help with this

You should never feel ashamed or wrong for estranging abusive people. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel safe and get counselling to help you deal with the emotions that come from having to estrange a family member, it's incredibly hard to do but you deserve to be happy again

3nanny6
Your advice is much appreciated. I'm really pleased to get everyone's support

3nanny6

Toadinthehole : I gave my advice that is all. You are right saying that someone can break the restraining order by contacting the person when they shouldn't.
The OP posted about her abusive son and said herself that on one occasion he came around and broke all her windows also used vile language to her.
If the OP does not want to call the police out to her son that
is entirely up to her. When he bothers her just let him and do nothing about it.
I have no further reason to bother posting anything more about this clearly sometimes people do not want to be serious about posts to help. I have been told and will now mind my own business.

So sorry, didn’t mean to offend you. You are not wrong to suggest the restraining order. I was merely trying to say that it feels all those avenues have been exhausted, from what we know about how long this has gone on for. Madwoman, needs to move on somewhere, so her son can’t find her.
Once again, my apologies ?

Toadinthehole : I gave my advice that is all. You are right saying that someone can break the restraining order by contacting the person when they shouldn't.
The OP posted about her abusive son and said herself that on one occasion he came around and broke all her windows also used vile language to her.
If the OP does not want to call the police out to her son that
is entirely up to her. When he bothers her just let him and do nothing about it.
I have no further reason to bother posting anything more about this clearly sometimes people do not want to be serious about posts to help. I have been told and will now mind my own business.

Toadinthehole

3nanny6

MadWoman11 ; I have already commented earlier on and talked about the restraining order. I notice another poster called ToadintheHole said even if you have a restraining order they can be arrested but can break it again and they said they would private message you.

I would still strongly advise you to get a restraining order if possible and it does not matter how many times you have to call the police if your son bothers you (that is part of their job after all) your main message is to let your son know you will not let him treat you like he has any longer eventually he will get that message. Tough love is what it is about when you are dealing with drink/drug addictions even though it hurts.
You need to keep safe. Like others have said move into sheltered housing if that is what you want.

But this was my point 3nanny6. The OP doesn’t want to have to keep calling the police, and being on edge all the time. ‘ eventually he’ll get the message’. Not sure he ever will.
Keep yourself safe madwoman and good luck.

User7777 ; It is a sad fact that drugs alters peoples lives and the need of the drug becomes more important than anything else.
I have done work in that client area (drug/alcohol dependency) for the relatives it can be heartache and if they are being domestically abused by the person they have no option but to cut contact.

A family member has similar to you. He has called her a C. Manhandled her out of his home. He generally attacks women and children. Its caused by drugs, he can attack anyone he likes and when hes under attack, he cries like a baby. At 44, yours is too old not to have learnt from his actions. Move, stay resolute, talk on phone if you want. The minute he disrespects you, put the phone down or block his number. Tough love, is called for in this situation. I know, because I have been there

MadWoman11 ; I have already commented earlier on and talked about the restraining order. I notice another poster called ToadintheHole said even if you have a restraining order they can be arrested but can break it again and they said they would private message you.

I would still strongly advise you to get a restraining order if possible and it does not matter how many times you have to call the police if your son bothers you (that is part of their job after all) your main message is to let your son know you will not let him treat you like he has any longer eventually he will get that message. Tough love is what it is about when you are dealing with drink/drug addictions even though it hurts.
You need to keep safe. Like others have said move into sheltered housing if that is what you want.

Madwoman 11, I think granny activist is spot on. You deserve better. You have to draw a line eventually. Hate the sin and love the sinner, do what you have to to get your peace, It’s up to him now.

A mother's love holds no bounds, but after 30 years of coping with the aftermath of his addictions I'm done

And that is TOTALLY understandable

grannyactivist Thank you for taking the time to tell me that it means alot - in fact all the kind comments have given me a much needed boost.
I love my son, but perhaps I should have walked away long ago and let him take responsibility for his wrong doings. A mother's love holds no bounds, but after 30 years of coping with the aftermath of his addictions I'm done.

Madwoman11 I work with homeless people and some, fewer than you might think perhaps, have the combination of mental health issues along with drug and alcohol abuse that you describe your son as having.

One of my recent clients was in a situation where his mum had cut him off, for all the same reasons you’ve experienced yourself, and because he had no-one else to turn to he came to us for help. Long story short; after being told some home-truths and having his ‘woe is me’ story challenged he has agreed to agreed to go into a residential community where he will have to come off benefits, work full time and get help to face up to the damage his wrong choices have caused.

Without his mum drawing a line and saying ‘enough’ he wouldn’t have had the incentive to change. Even if your son doesn’t see this as a wake up call, you have to protect yourself. I applaud your courage.

Sunnyoutlook thank you

I agree with Smileless but so sorry that you are facing this. You cannot let this fear continue, you deserve peace in your latter years and the chance to live life as you wish to without constant stress and fear

V3ra thank you

Madwoman11 Hugs and for you.

Madwoman11 you are so right in your last post. Well done and I hope you can build a safe, peaceful future for yourself.

Just to answer a few questions. I live alone. He does have siblings but is abusive to them at times too, and has had fights with his brothers.
I've tried everything over the years to help him, but after he ripped me to shreds verbally once again recently and called me something no decent man should ever call their mother I want nothing more to do with him, although this has rocked my world.
I just cannot take anymore, and I shouldn't have to.
I'm mid sixties and have had a difficult life - now I think I deserve peace to enjoy my retirement. Much of his problems are self inflicted.

Madwoman11 does your son have any redeeming points? Can he sometimes be pleasant? I am truly sorry you are having an awful time with him. However he probably feels a dreadful failure on lots of levels. Is he pushing to see if you will reject him too? You do need some support in all this. Can you contact the local drug and alcohol team and see if they have a counselling service for relatives? Could you get away for a few days for some rest and relaxation?

Heart breaking for you . However you must protect yourself - name change and house move asap.
I think you know that your son will not change , you have to think about yourself now. Good luck ?

Do you have a partner/ husband ? Any other children?