I don't know if I have been estranged or not !

Normandygirl I am so sorry this has happened to you and you have had no feedback about why.

I would stop sending cards and things and instead send one last letter. I know you are hurting but I think it would be better to keep that out of the letter and focus on your daughter.

This is what I would try. Acknowledge that your daughter has stopped communicating with YOU and state that you do not wish to keep contacting her if that is not what she wants. Ask if she can communicate to you why she needs this distance at present when she is ready. Tell her that her feelings matter to you and you will listen and understand them without judgement.

Sometimes people are hurt by our actions even if we don't understand and agree they should be. Sometimes our recollections of events don't match theirs. So we just have to deal with how they feel because those feelings are genuine. Once we have listened we can find a way to meet half way.

I hope this can be resolved for you.

I have a middle son who has ghosted his dad pretty much but still WhatsApps me . It’s a very awkward situation so I just wanted to empathise I’m afraid I don’t have any answers. The middle sons memory of his relationship with his dad seems to all be slanted in a negative light . His 5 other brothers get on fine with their dad and with him so that makes it very awkward at any family occasions. Even to the point where we dread such occasions. As I said I don’t have an answer but I do know exactly how you feel. Hop someone on here can offer some help .

My experience of estrangement has worried me for decades long enough to come to a conclusion about estrangement.

My conclusion about estrangement is that people who are estraged from each other are telling different stories about what happened.

These different stories might include wrong facts and deliberate lies, but are are usually characterised by conclusions that are biased in different directions.

Your second daughter, Normandygirl, I guess is hurt in some special way such as that she feels strongly you ceased to love her, or perhaps that she was struggling at a time when you were attending to "moving away" and consequently let her down badly.

It is remarkable that this daughter still accepts gifts from you. Are you sure she actually receives these or does someone else intercept them?

Has your second daughter a history of feeling hard-done-by for insufficient reasons?

You have my sympathy . I agree with MrsTagain that your husband might mediate between you both, and I do hope this will be possible.

You are entitled to move to where you want! Surely this can't be the reason, I think you need to have a chat face to face and ask her nicely why there is no proper contact. My friend has moved many times over the last few years and other friends but they haven't been ghosted by their children. I think there is a deeper reason to this and you need to approach your daughter in a gentle manner and ask her why. What does your youngest daughter think or know? I hope you can sort this problem out and all the best.

This is so sad for Normandygirl and MrsTagain. I have no experience of estrangement and can only imagine how distressing it must be. My only suggestion is to make some form of contact and ask if you can see her to try and resolve this situation. If she refuses then there is not much more you can do . If she doesn't want contact then in your position I would be very reluctant to continue sending money/ gifts! There may be more to this than meets the eye, she is close to your eldest daughter so you may not have the full story - sisters quite naturally are loyal to each other ! I wish everyone in this position good luck in their endeavours to heal the rift.

Hi Normandygirl, you are in the same boat as me, being ghosted when you haven't got an idea of what you've done, if you're anything like me you torture yourself going through different reasons that could explain their behaviour. I've decided that I am going to write one final letter asking for an explanation and telling them that if they want to estrange me that is their choice but I'll always be here for them - just trying to pluck up the courage.

Normandygirl
Sounds like there must be more to it than that, was your relationship difficult before you moved away?
Surely your other daughter could have a chat with her to find out what’s really going on, or maybe she knows but doesn’t want to tell you.

Why did you move away? Can you explain your reasons to her in case she misunderstood at the time?

Sorry -missed out the word 'he'. Can't HE smooth things out etc.?

You say she is still in contact with your husband.Can't he smooth things out a bit for you?