No contact with Narcissistic Mother

Susie345 I can relate completely.

Any good therapist can diagnose narcissism by the symptoms of their victim, the way we diagnose chickenpox by our bodies very specific reaction to it.

Have you heard of Parrish Millers traits of a narcissist mother? It's a free article you can Google and I found it very helpful to write out examples of each trait that I could look back on when I felt wobbly.

Journaling is fantastic because it helps undo the gaslighting. Of course my mother said I was "weird" for doing it but she was the one doing the gaslighting.

You have friends here who understand that for adult children like us, estrangement is not a choice but a necessity. You only have 1 life to live and you do not need to have a relationship with anyone who doesn't make you happy.

If people try to make you feel bad, simply say that you don't feel comfortable talking about it with them and stick to that boundary.

It's been a long time for me, at first it was hell while my mind fought to undo years of conditioning from an abusive person, eventually you will find peace with it

Susie345 There is an estrangement forum on Gransnet where you might find more knowledge, help, kindness and empathy than you're finding here.

Chewbacca

Good question Riverwalk

But is it the right question to ask here when the OP is clearly needing help?

Riverwalk

Narc, empath, gas lighting.

Much bandied around descriptions - who diagnoses all these 'narc' mothers?

Just what I was thinking, it smacks of amateur psychoanalysis to bandy these words around.
Why not use plain English to describe the problem?
Cutting family members off totally, especially a Mother or Grandmother will have repercussions on you...think about it carefully.
Limited contact rather than none seems better for both parties.

Susie345 I can relate to your experience. It is very hard and friends (and Gransnet posters) won't always understand. Unless they've been through it people will say things like 'Your mother is always your mother though, isn't she?' People don't understand. Talk and rely on people who are kind and who you can trust.

Good question Riverwalk

I can't relate to you experience with your mum Susie but I can relate to not having someone who causes so much damage in my life anymore.

It's very early days for you and it is sad when we realise that even though we love someone, our lives will be happier an healthier without them.

It's good that you have the support of your AC and as for a friend whose incredulous, it's very difficult to comprehend an estrangement within a family when you've never experienced it.

I wish you well.

Narc, empath, gas lighting.

Much bandied around descriptions - who diagnoses all these 'narc' mothers?

There are 2 threads about this

Hubby is NC with FIL and has been for years. FIL has narc behaviour and his father (who FIL practically idolizes; we heard a lot about "St. GFIL of Blessed Memory", as Hubby put it) was even worse.

While Hubby did decide to cut FIL off subsequent to our marriage, I was not the primary cause of the rift.

We still have contact with MIL and SFIL. (MIL and FIL have been divorced for years.) They're lovely people.