Daughter Detox ~ Recovering from an Unloving Mother

It does come across that way Allsorts and this all seems to stem from a discussion about BS's.

One poster LucyLocket spoke of her bad experience and I responded with a sympathetic and understanding post. A few posters spoke of their own, or someone they know who found it a positive experience and that's resulted in accusations of crossing boundaries, being unsympathetic, putting ones' own needs and opinion before the feelings of another and now, we have deliberate attempts to disrupt and derail the thread.

For me, the only things that risk disrupting or derailing this or any thread are unsubstantiated allegations which appear to be an attempt to silence those who don't agree with everything they're reading here.

I find it very strange that anyone would assume that because they're being disagreed with, the person disagreeing must be lacking in understanding.

Yes, they are both nice sayings, I particularly like the one you posted DL.

?. Yes, another of mine is all will be well, all is well ?

Allsorts

Does anyone remember this
Yesterday's history
Tomorrow a mystery
All we have is today

I think that was out of Kung Fu Panda - Sanvello..

Another one, similar is:

"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.” – Bil Keane.12 Sept 2014

Nice sayings. ?

Does anyone remember this
Yesterday's history
Tomorrow a mystery
All we have is today

Asking if it's the 'full half hour argument' has been standard in this Python living house for years.

Oh dear riete I think we have a similar sense of humour lol

VioletSky

The Body Keeps The Score

We are now coming to chapters about how memories are stored which are really interesting and informative.

Some people remember abuse and store it with usual memories and some store those memories traumatically after disasosciating during the event itself.

I was somewhere in between, I always knew I was abused but in adult life some memories came in a different way, as if they were happening now.

Things were triggering them, words or touch or smells that reminded me of them.

(I'm sorry, I really am trying not to be detailed here)

I found this very difficult to cope with, it wasn't like remembering, it was more like them happening right now. So I didn't trust them completely.

The book explains that actually trauma memories that might not show us the whole picture and might have a strong association with a certain feeling or touch or smell, are actually very reliable. Eventually they can be put together like a jigsaw puzzle. Normal memories can be changed to a degree.

It's so interesting how a trauma memory is stored versus a normal memory.

An example in the book was a child who had been in a severe accident and the mother could only remember the wound itself, not what led up to it or what happened afterwards

The book also mentions talk therapy (counseling) was used to help place those disordered trauma memories back where they belonged so our bodies could stop playing them out and feeling like they were happening now. Which I think has worked well for me personally but might not for everyone.

Talk therapy is not apparently as successful as EMDR therapy which I am starting to think I would really like to do.

this book really does look worth a read violetsky. thanks for sharing with us.

whoops, that was supposed to be a link, but looks like it'll have to be a cut n paste
www.bing.com/search?q=Argument+Clinic+-+Monty+Python+-+The+Secret+Policeman%27s+Balls+-+Bing+video+-+Search&form=ANNNB1&refig=727b12aade584029a10712702311e8f4

omg, what a lot of disruptive posts here – some really look like deliberate attempts to disrupt and derail. but big thanks to violetsky and summerlove and anyone else who’s tried to clarify, explain, calm.
i did wonder whether i should answer some of the posts directed at me, but it does rather look as though those who don’t want to understand still don’t want to understand. i’d be very happy to take the time to explain myself, but i wonder whether we’d be better off trying to sort out who this thread is intended for, and where other posters would be better off reading and posting?

just for now i’ll limit myself to something positive that might be a little bit uplifting for anyone who’s tuned into this thread for support and/or understanding.
and perhaps we can start with a clean slate tomorrow? – to which end i’m going to copy violetsky’s post, to try to avoid it getting lost in the quagmire.)

Argument Clinic - Monty Python - The Secret Policeman's Balls - Bing video - Search

Sometimes people ask for boundaries Allsorts because they are finding something upsetting and confusing.

Like arguing or discussing that boarding school is a positive in the same place that others need support as they have experienced it negatively or they are trying to support others who experienced it negatively.

If it doesn't hurt me to respect a boundary like that.

Especially when I could just discuss the pros and cons of boarding school somewhere else and get to have my opinion where it won't cause confusion or upset

By support vs, you seem to be saying agreeing with what is said. Surely everyone,deals with things in their own way
. it's not saying think like me, just this is my perspective on my experiences. Opinions vary.

BigBertha1

Thank you for recommending Your not crazy it's your mother'. Just finished this made me laugh and cry and helped me enormously it answered all my big unanswered questions. Thankyou.

You are so welcome!

Thank you for recommending Your not crazy it's your mother'. Just finished this made me laugh and cry and helped me enormously it answered all my big unanswered questions. Thankyou.

It's great that this is being so beneficial to your eldest imaround .

imaround I'm so glad it helped your eldest

It's disappointing its not on the NHS but maybe I can figure it out

EMDR really is having a profound effect, especially for those whose brain has "hidden" childhood trauma. I was surprised by how effective it was for my oldest.

Iam64

We would like to keep this thread supportive to those who need it and simply helping each other to do so is part of healing and personal growth. If people are able to understand that a simple boundary might stop other posters feeling hurt and confused that will benefit all of us.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts

I have a psychotherapist friend who, like her colleagues is a certified EMDR practitioner. She had 30 years experience before training in EMDR. The focus of their work is children, adults and trauma. It’s private inevitably. I don’t know of nhs clinics, the govt focus of 6 weeks CBT as a cure all is imo inadequate/plain wrong for trauma

I’m uncomfortable about some of the comments directed at Smilesless. If this is to successfully support people, why exclude her? Some Passive aggressive, cold and critical comment I feel are unnecessary. Just my opinion.

Not heard of it before imaround so have googled and it does appear to be effective.

My oldest used EMDR to help with lasting issues after a lightning bolt hit right next to the house. It set off the home alarm, smoke detectors and sent the TV they were watching into Poltergeist mode.

It was very effective.

One day

As I've already said vs it isn't a lack of understanding it's disagreement.

As a survivor of ACEs yourself Smileless I hope that one day you can come to understand what we have tried to explain to you today

I did talk it through many years ago, not sure if the person was a counsellor or therapist. That was when I realised I was on the outside looking in, if you know what I mean.

I know it took some time and I suppose courage to see myself in that scenario instead of someone else in my place.

I took your comment as being directed to me Summerlove; my mistake. Arguing is putting across one's point of view/opinion in an angry or heated way, and disagreement is having and/or expressing a different opinion.

I will, I may be able to get it through work now too as they cover some things like that. I will look into it