Letter to my Estranged Child

Raising awareness about parental and grandparent alienation.

chng.it/9f2hZKj24Q

Mj 😊

And a good job too DL as Onward probably wont see Tess' unnecessarily unpleasant post.

I think it’s a bit too late to try and target the poster. It’s an old, old thread and the OP has long gone. 🙄

I understand why your child has cut you out of their life. That's a terrible message full of blame, accusations and guilt, in addition to insults. I can promise you that you're unlikely to ever get the chance to speak or see, or even hold your child again.

It was a horrible post and glad its done with.

This thread started in December 2021 I think it's time it was put to bed.

I am confused: “ As a child you may remember our motto was to celebrate the good in you, to "punish the child, not the behaviour". ” do you mean the other way around?

Dajaxta

The only atrocity I see here is this letter and your responses. Quite bluntly, I can see why you are estranged. You say in one comment? Dad, your self-reflection is not an issue because you can't see where you may have gone wrong, and in another one, you say that you tried your best, and that no one is perfect. These truistic platitudes are the problem. Saying nobody is perfect is like saying 2 + 2 = 4. It's true, but it doesn't help your case. If all your son wanted was for you to shut up and listen to his perspective, to which he is entitled, and you failed to do that, that's on you. So, here's another truism for you. You have two ears and one mouth, and your brain is bigger than all of that put together. Think before you speak and listen twice as much as you talk. I wouldn't want my children near you either. Unless you are willing to accept some responsibility, it sounds to me like you did this to yourself. If you're capable of writing this in a letter, think of what will be written in your obituary.

There’s another truism that perhaps you should employ, and then adding some empathy to it.

“Best engage your brain before using your mouth/keyboard”.

Try it. 👍

Your post was unpleasant for the sake of it. 🤷‍♀️. Luckily, the OP has long gone.

An unnecessarily unpleasant post Dajaxta but thankfully as this thread was started over 3 years ago it's extremely unlikely that the OP will read it.

The only atrocity I see here is this letter and your responses. Quite bluntly, I can see why you are estranged. You say in one comment? Dad, your self-reflection is not an issue because you can't see where you may have gone wrong, and in another one, you say that you tried your best, and that no one is perfect. These truistic platitudes are the problem. Saying nobody is perfect is like saying 2 + 2 = 4. It's true, but it doesn't help your case. If all your son wanted was for you to shut up and listen to his perspective, to which he is entitled, and you failed to do that, that's on you. So, here's another truism for you. You have two ears and one mouth, and your brain is bigger than all of that put together. Think before you speak and listen twice as much as you talk. I wouldn't want my children near you either. Unless you are willing to accept some responsibility, it sounds to me like you did this to yourself. If you're capable of writing this in a letter, think of what will be written in your obituary.

As this thread is 3 years old, I think it might be best locked now. It’s obviously being used for yet another wind up. 🙄

Thanks to you reporting the posts Babs I didn't see them but regardless of the amount or nature of their ammo, we remain unharmed by them.

Correction upping with just two p’s.

@Smiles what they said here yesterday was foul, seems they are uppping their ammo and using the language of the gutter now.

I see they're still at it.

Sick, just sick.

Reported.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

The original poster posted this nearly three years ago.

I dont think its a good idea to send this letter

I'm so sorry for your pain Besidemyself You're right, if there is a restraining order in place it would be unwise to try to breach it. I would probably say it's a good idea to have counselling to try and reach acceptance, to mourn the loss and to try to make a life for yourself that you are happy with, to hope and pray for the future that she forgives and realises how much you love her.
As someone wise here said to me "Let them be the icing on the cake and not the cake"

User7777 I'm glad you have the Cardio app in the New Year! Your poor heart has really taken a battering with all this stress and heartbreak. I hope you will keep reaching out to support services and anyone who can help. Take care of you, too and don't be ashamed to reach out for help. However much you love a child, you need to love yourself, too.

Besidemyself what happened with your other child to have your daughter removed? Are you still in intact with him?

We might be able to advise you better with a bit more info or you ould start a new thread so it reaches more people

Besidemyselfthere is nothing you can do but wait. Wait for her to mature and then be able to see that the entire heartbreaking situation was taken out of your hands, and there was nothing you could do.

We have been estranged from our youngest son and only GC for 9 years now so I don't say this lightly. Stop contacting her in anyway. Now there is a retraining order against you, you need to be very careful.

Give her time and space. She may one day realise that what happened was not your fault and then be ready to communicate with you again and listen to what you've been trying to explain.

I hope your cardiology appointment goes well User7777
Make sure that you "take care of you" too

Beside myself... I understand... I have been heartbroken for so long... my heart is now truly broken and sick from the stress I have been under. Cardiology appt in new year. My AC has no filter or empathy for anyone else. No insight into their behaviour and all is other peoples fault.. they have no friends now, drove them all away. I still love them ,same as the day I first saw them 36 years ago, but spending any time with them is hard. My health is starting to fail, so I may not have many opportunities to spend with them. Sometimes we only appreciate someone when they have passed. Take care of you