Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

All of your help has certainly got me through the last few months. I am feeling stronger knowing that I am not alone. With my eldest son and my daughter I have always been “damned if I do, damned if I dont” - so what the hell! I must admit that I have felt better and calmer since I decided to move on. In the past I would have tried to put things right even though I am certain I have done nothing wrong. I’m certain they would have said otherwise. I’ve been shouted at and accused of being a terrible parent and horrendous grand parent. The In laws have been fantastic. I have suffered all of this hurt - NO MORE! They can stick themselves up their own backsides!

I’m cleaning the conservatory ready to start doing some painting and sewing. New beginning for me.

Take care all of you warrior queens. I feel strong today - hopefully it keeps going.

Purplepixie I think taking control of what you can control is a great first step to enjoying your life again. We’re not robots and we do need to let go of the hurt and pain to start some kind of a life again.Go for it… ?

You do have a difficult week ahead Whiff. So many anniversaries in just one week. I'm sure your strength, courage and determination together with all those wonderful memories of your DH will get you through and of course we'll do our best to help too.

Well your strength and determination just about jumped out of my screen PP. It's surprisingly empowering isn't it when we reach that point where 'enough is enough' and we wont take it anymore.

A point I suspect that some of our EAC never thought we'd get too, so as Granniesunite has said "Go for it...".

Hello everyone, good to see that there is another thread for support.

Whiff you do have a hard week ahead , anniversaries as you describe are always difficult and I don't think it ever gets easier really

I know some don't like Warrior Queens but we are all them .Not matter what lifes throws at us and no matter how much we hurt or feel like giving up we don't. We keep going. We know who we are.

None of us have ever had anything given to us. We have had to work,go without and make sacrifices to get to where we are and what we have got.

Estrangement is just another thing we have to work through and it's hard . But we are getting there with each others help ,support and wise words.

I know I will get through this week . But sometimes I think this year it will be easier but it doesn't . I suppose it because my husband is frozen in time and such a lot has happened since he died . But for all the ups and downs since that day it's made me who I am. And I like me.

Change is hard but we have to do what is right for us. Putting ourselves and loved ones first.

I can't change what my son has done. It's his choice. But I can choose not to let it ruin my life. I have wobbles but I get over them.

I am happy. I love my home and proud with how I have got it as I want. I see my daughter and family every week. Made new friends at my exercise class and craft group. Have good neighbours. And keep in touch with other family and friends .

And knowing you are here for me to ramble on to is the icing on the cake. ?

And you're the icing on mine Whiff

Well done Purplepixie. It's good to hear you are feeling stronger. You have made a great start with your conservatory. I have been doing something similar, I have made a start in decluttering my kitchen. 5. Carrier babes ready for the charity shop tomorrow. Wahoo. I feel lighter already, ?

Granniesunite is right, we need to take control of what we can control. And our homes and personal spaces are a good place to start. Our environment is what shapes us and makes us who we are and having a good clear out is great therapy.

I have also given myself a mini facial today and am going to paint my nails later. I'm really upping the self care now. I did some yoga this morning and I'm back to eating healthy foods, getting plenty of rest and sleep.

Without wishing to appear self centred it's about me now. If I want to be whole again then I have to be the one who puts myself back together, no one can do it for me.

Whiff I swear you must be my "sister". It would have been my 39th wedding anniversary next week too. These red letter days are never easy. Sending you ❤️&?

Lol carrier bags, not babes.

Good for you purplepixie - it's definitely a mindset I've moved a lot closer to too.

HiMadgran - hope you're well.

*
I am happy. I love my home and proud with how I have got it as I want. I see my daughter and family every week. Made new friends at my exercise class and craft group. Have good neighbours. And keep in touch with other family and friends .

And knowing you are here for me to ramble on to is the icing on the cake. ?* - utterly brilliant to read whiff and the same right back.

Good for you too DerbyshireLass.

I have to say I've also been enjoying life until the letter came, and I'm not going to let it stop me now. I've taken up creative writing and was chuffed to be awarded a one-year bursary which has opened up some wonderful courses and a fabulous online writing support network. I've even had a few small things published. I'm not best selling material by a long way, my biggest payment was a fiver, the rest I just got the kudos, but I'm really enjoying it.

Thankyou hugshelp, I am OK.

That letter must have been hard to read. I think asking him what he wants to happen is a good starting point and then really listening to the answers without necessarily responding immediately seems like a good way to go. That way he can feel listened to and you give yourself time to think carefully about he has said

It is good that you have reached a place of acceptance, for your own well being. It also better enables you to identify a planned way forward with your son, whatever the communication methods are.

Can you send me a bit of your enthusiasm DerbyshireLass I'm in a rut at the moment. I had my follow up appointment on Friday after my foot op and I'm back in a boot because the tendon running through the joint I had fused is irritated. I've put so much weight on I'm so uncomfortable.
Drove past my ES the other day and he literally turned his back when he saw me but then a few days later he drove past me and waved ? talk about mixed messages.

Madgran sound advice . Glad you are well.

Hugshelp I knew we had an artist amongst our number with Purplepixie and now you a published writer. What other talents are the rest of you hiding ?.

Elless sorry you are getting mixed messages. It's not fair when people play hot and cold. Just have to wait and see what happens next time you see him.

Storm Corrie raged all night and has suddenly just stopped blowing and raining. I hear a crash last night in the back. When I put the light on to check my neighbours flag pole had disappeared. Only hope it didn't cause any damage. They had to have their lovely dog put to sleep a couple of weeks ago. Heart breaking for them he was 12.5. I am not a pet owner. But pets are people's family and they are better than some people. They won't let you down or tell you are a bad person.

Hope no one has any storm damage.

Elless.....how confusing and how heartbreaking for you, when you son blows hot and cold like that. It's such an emotional roller coaster for you. And I would imagine, extremely stressful.

Sorry to hear you are still having problems with your foot again. Hope the "boot" sorts things out.

Re the weight gain.....I suppose it's inevitable really when you aren't as mobile. Can you do some simple chair exercises or something like yoga. It might not help you burn calories but it might help keep you more toned and flexible and of course exercise does help lift our mood and increase our energy.

I have a dodgy knee, (arthritis and a torn meniscus) and I KNOW I would make it feel easier if I lost the extra 2 stones I'm carrying. I can't walk far but I do try and manage a gentle stroll most days,

I also have fibromyalgia (I know I'm a wreck?). For the last week I have made a real effort and have started dong some simple yoga stretches every Morning, I am feeling a lot better, already - less pain, more flexible. I am even managing without painkillers now, so that's a real plus.

I am determined to both get fitter and lose weight this year. Yes I do feel like I have a mountain to climb but I think if I take it slowly and steadily I'll get there.

As for being in a rut, I felt very much like that a few weeks ago.

I felt I was going nowhere, getting nowhere. My son and DIL made me feel like a big fat Zero, that I was nothing and worthless.

Then I started doing some work on myself, really thinking and going deep. I decided that whilst I might mean nothing to them I am NOT a nothing or a nonentity. I AM still relevant and I do matter. We all do, we all matter, we are all important, not only to those who DO love and cherish us, but just as importantly, we matter to ourselves.

I have been given the gift of life, something my husband had cruelly snatched away from him, and I'm not going to waste it. I'm not going to screw my self over by selling myself short, and I'm not going to sabotage my health and well being by allowing my son and DIL to destroy my equilibrium,

Elles.....here's a bucketload of my enthusiasm coming your way,?. together with ??❤️❤️??.

I have learned (the hard way of course) that when we feel unloved then it's time to start loving ourselves. Not by overeating and lying around binge watching Netflix but by doing things that help us feel better about ourselves. We do ourselves no favours when we neglect ourselves.

I started with better self care, better skin care, styling my hair, clearing out my wardrobe, dressing better, trying to eat more healthily, a little gentle exercise, decluttering and cleaning my home, buying some flowers and a couple of new house plants.

I realise some people might think that very frivolous and it's all just froth but I find that these small tweaks have made a huge difference as to how I feel.

I feel better, I look better, I am sleeping better, less anxiety, less physical pain, more energy, I feel more optimistic and am now being more productive,

I feel like I've finally found my mojo again and I put this down to small daily habits.

It's the compound effect at work. We all know how the compound effect works in maths, well it also works in life situations. A few tiny daily habits, done consistently and over time, will create big results.

Those results will depend on the habits we choose. Bad habits can lead to disastrous results - overeating, lack of exercise will lead to poor health, overspending will lead to financial stress. You get the idea. Good habits will of course have the opposite effect, better health, better wealth, better life.

When my DIL delivered her Coupe de Grace I was devasted, I felt that my whole world had come crashing down round my ears, I felt so ill I thought I was at risk of a serious stroke or heart attack,. That was 6 months ago. I decided I didn't want that to happen so I have tried to fight back, using the power of the compound effect. Just a few tiny daily habits.

I still have a fair way to go, but it is my intention that by the end of this year, those little tweaks and those tiny daily habits will have worked their magic,
.
That's why my mantra for this year is "radical transformation". I intend to become a very different person, living a completely different kind of life, not actually a different person but to rediscover the old happy go lucky vibrant person I used to be,

I know she's still in there, I just have to winkle her out, ?.

Gosh didn't mean to write a novel, how I witter on, I'm off to donate all the kitchen stuff to a charity shop and then a trip B@Q.

Wow!!! My life is so rock and roll. ??.

Elless........here's even more enthusiasm coming your way. ????

I'm so pleased to see this thread, thank you Whiff. I'm another one trying to lose weight. Also, l sit around doing nothing when l want to clear out junk but just can't be bothered.
I have got to get inspired, especially after reading DLs last post. I'd better get going!

Hilltop, One step at a time....maybe start with just one small area, a shelf or a drawer.

Maybe watch some decluttering/hoarding videos on you tube to inspire you and get you all fired up.

Didn't make it as far as B@Q. Dropped of my 5 bags of kitchenalia and then got sidetracked br

Good job I did - picked up a fabulous brand new black real leather overnight/tote bag. A steal at £4 and so much more elegant than a plastic supermarket carrier bag. Also 3 nice
Art prints for £6.

When I got back I sorted through the medicines and toiletries so they are all neat and tidy. Tonight I'm going to go,through my sewing stuff whilst I watch TV.

A little bit more each day. ?.

Side tracked browsing round the charity shop.....lol

I think you can learn to love yourself, when you are constantly undermined and getting confusing messages as some of you are it really makes you question yourself. I don’t have that. It has taken time to start valuing myself, we cannot do anything about those that have made a decision to go no contact, you have no choice in the matter, they refuse to discuss it, but by bit you do more and more things that make you feel worthwhile and you enjoy, try never to go down that negative route, it gets you nowhere, get your hair done, nails painted, treat yourself, join an exercise class and lift your spirits if you can. I have a glass of wine and my favourite music or film on. Love to you all.

I did get up and chucked out some paper rubbish, DL, but you are seriously impressive! I am resolving to do better, l really need too! It was ES birthday yesterday which gave me a bit of a wobble l didn't expect.

Just popped on to share a minor triumph. At the ripe old age of 63 just changed my first ever ceiling light bulb using my trusty stool. One of the joys of living in a bungalow. ?

That deserves a round of applause Whiff, good on you ???

Wow Derbyshire you go girl, I know you're right and I will try harder I will try harder I will try harder ?

loving these posts today..
Bulbs changed, charity shops stocked, so an appointment will be made for my nails and eyebrows soon.

Hidden talents on here right enough to be able to write and be published is enviable and to paint such beautiful watercolours - well my walls would be full. Sadly I can do neither I'd imagine tho that these would be therapeutic.. How lovely... Have a good night people....

Hope you soon get more comfortable and a bit perkier Elless. As for the strange mixed-messages behaviour, who knows what goes on in their heads sometimes.

Well done with the Yoga DerbyshireLass. So glad to hear it's helping. I'm a wreck as well but am doing a bit of Tai chi for seniors - as long as I stick to the easy beginners stuff then I do feel it's helping. And well done on all the other things you've been getting stuck into.

I need to lose weight as well Hilltop. Lots. the birthday wobble is totally understandable. Hope you soon get your mojo back after that.

Great stool whiff and well done.

And well done you granniesuite - always great to get on top of those jobs - a bit of enjoying being buffed and polished sounds just the job.

Well you've all been very busy today.

I could certainly do with an input of energy and enthusiasm. I've been looking for my 'get and go' since last weekend and I can only say that it's definitely got up and gone.

I had a lot planned for today and once again, barely scraped the surface. A friend 'phoned this morning and asked if she could pop in for 5 minutes and was here for 3 hours.

I had no idea she'd been going through so much for so long. She said talking about it had really helped and she's going to come back next week, so at least I feel as if I've done some good.

Sorry about your foot Elless you must be fed up with it now. That was a rotten thing for your son to do, I am sorry.

You're a whirl wind of activity DSL and are certainly getting 2022 off to a flying start; good for you.

Lovely post Allsorts, it's a long, slow and difficult road to recovery from estrangement and it's all those small things that we can do that can and do make all the difference.

Well done Whiff and it's good to know that you aren't taking any risks and using your trusty stool, which looks very safe and sturdy.

I couldn't agree more Granniesunite, lovely posts and plenty of talent here. Now, if one of you could locate my get up and go and get it to me post haste, I'd be extremely grateful.