Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

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Ooh, I may have passed Mr Smiles without knowing it sometime smiles - we do love Bempton. It's taken me a good few visits to get a few pics of the puffins - first time I got some half-decent ones this year. We need to do our freezer next week as well. Just running the food down atm.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low PP. We all have spells like that. Try and be as gentle as you can with yourself until it passes.

Oooh Mr. S. was very impressed with your pics hugshelpand is wondering if the albatross is still there.

Hugshelp Puffins are my favourite sea bird. The pics are beautiful.

Purplepixie we are allowed to be weepy . Estrangement can ripe you apart. If you fight the tears I found it makes it worse. So have your tears today have a good night's sleep and tomorrow is a new day. What are you planning to do with your granddaughter's? Whatever it is they will love it.

At exercise today we learnt how to do the flamingo swing with our legs. Much laughter as usual. And doing the clock lunges really taxed our concentration. But we all keep turning up every week so proves we enjoy it and it's doing us some good. I know it has me. Plus always tea and biscuits as our reward and a natter.

Didn't see an albatross smiles or hear anyone mention it but I couldn't say it wasn't.
Ty whiff
The exercise sounds hilarious. I wish I could picture that. Glad you're enjoying it.

What beautiful pictures Hugshelp, just looking at them lifts your spirits.

Thank you Allsorts. x

Had a productive meeting with our EA today. They're relaunching and they are paying for premium listings to make up for their errors.
Word is our DD's vendor has booked storage and is sorting herself our for key hand over tomorrow as planned. So we'll be tied up helping with that tomorrow all being well.
Hope you're all having a good day.

Hugs......sounds a bit more promising with your EA. Good news with your daughter too. These people who try to p,any hardball do make me laugh. There us no way they can renage on the deal once contracts have been exchanged. They live in cloud cuckoo land.

Don't be too surprised if she leaves the house in a right state. Her sort usually do, it's their revenge. If it's really bad, take pictures and send them to the solicitor. Don't forget by law vendors are supposed to ensure there is no rubbish, unwanted furniture or chattels left behind. Hope all goes well.

The puffin pics are lovely, such cute birds.

Pixie.....hope you are feeling a little brighter today. Whilst none of us wants to wallow in misery for ever I think you do have to allow yourself the low days. If you need a duvet day or to indulge yourself in some mindless activities, such as junk tv or whatever then just go with it. Cry when you need to, don't try to fight it, Fighting it only makes it worse.

"What you resists, persists". Your brain needs to process what your heart is feeling so it can help you heal.

First computer lesson today. Well worth it. I learned more in an hour then I would have learned in a month of evening classes.

I've decided that when I've moved I'm going to buy myself a new sewing machine and take up sewing again. I will probably have some refresher sewing lessons too. I used to sew a lot but haven't bothered in years. Definitely something I would like to rediscover.

Very hot and sultry here tonight.

Thanks DSL. Glad you enjoyed your computer lesson. I'd quite like to look into sewing lessons after we move. I bought myself a machine a while ago and have figured out how to make simple bags and the odd vest top, but would love to learn to do more and to do things properly.

Hugshelp hope all goes well for your daughter today and she gets the keys at a reasonable time.

Glad you got your estate agent sorted out. I couldn't have got through selling my house without my wonderful estate and solicitor as both had had me in their offices in tears when my 2 sales fell through at the last minute. I was lucky the executors for selling my bungalow kept it for me . So glad they did.

I brought a new sewing machine before my move . It's not a fancy all dancing and singing one but I only use it for making up things I make with my cross stitch . I used to make my own clothes when in my teens but was never very good. But they where wearable.

It was 24°c in my living room at 10 last night. So getting out to the shops early before it hots up.

Purplepixie hope you are feeling brighter and looking forward to having your granddaughter's tomorrow.

Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly for your D today hugshelp.

I haven't touched my sewing machine for years, not sure I can remember how to thread it . It was a birthday present from my mum so even though I don't use it, I'm loathed to part with it.

I could do with some computer lessons DSL. I noticed the other day that I'd 'lost' messenger and had to get Mr. S. to sort it out for me.

what you resist, persists is so true. There's no point in fighting against those waves of despair, we have to roll with them and remember that they will pass.

We're going home today but will be back again in two weeks so better get on as Mr. S. has a dental appointment this afternoon and we'll have to go shopping.

QuoteSmileless2012 Mon 13-Jun-22 14:58:11
hmm well she'd have put her bungalow on the market 'with vacant possession' so if your D's shoes hugshelp it would be a resounding no and also point out that if she isn't able to give vacant possession as the time of completion, the sale's off.

Friday or no sale.

Your ES sounds as if they've made a complete pig's ear out of marketing your house. Tell them to get their act together or you'll be going elsewhere.
I agree with everything Smiles has said above Hugs I changed EA about 3 times, the last that sold it were excellent. Good luck to your D.

My little doggie likes to do that Smiles. When we first moved here I was bathing him about 3 times a day! till he finally chassed all the cats away from taking a poo in our and our neighbours garden.

Lots of post, only read the first few, will read more later.

Must say, and this is not having a dig at DSL, but not getting on or liking your d.i.l, doesn't give a window into the grief of estrangement, you think it does, but it doesn't. You have prepared yourself for it, which of course would make it tons easier for you, but reality is a deferent thing entirely. Mine came out of the blue, I thought I got on well with my s.i.l, so such a shock to find out he hated me so much and wanted me [& my other DD] out of his life for ever. Well done DSL on holding your own at the gathering, you sounded like you had a lovely outfit on, you didn't say what colour & style your top was.

Purplepixie

I feel so weepy today and cannot seem to cheer myself up. In my head I am telling myself to just go along with how I feel but I feel so miserable. Two grand daughters are coming along on saturday night and I should be looking forward to that so what is wrong with me. Sorry but I am feeling really down. Catch up later. Sending love and hugs to you all.

Pixie I can't remember if you've said you do any physical exercise, but doing yoga every day will definitely help you. Go to a class twice per week and then do a home practice, there are lots of videos online, but I think it's best to just do your own thing, even just 20mins at home will work wonders for you. In the classes you will make friends and maybe get some invites out and definitely coffee after your class. Good luck xx

Yoginese.

I'm not sure if you are aware of this but I WAS estranged from my son and DIL. Last year. Mercifully it was a short estrangement, "only" 10 weeks but terribly painful none the less. Or maybe there are those that think 10 weeks is too insignificant to count.

Fortunately my son saw the light and (sort of) offered an olive branch. No apologies or explanations. I obviously jumped at the chance to accept his peace offering without pressing him in any way.

Diplomatic relations with my DIL are still strained at times. I am often slighted, insulted or sneered at....always done in such a way as I can't really call her out because she always ensures she has a "plausible denial".

Hey ho, it is what it is and I am under no Illusions that one day she will decide she has no further use for me and that I will be discarded.....along with the rest of my sons family and friends.

As I said I am the "last man standing".

Unfortunately I DO know how estrangement feels and I live under the threat that it both can and probably will happen again. It has nothing to do with liking or not liking my DIL or not getting on, it's just a fact. She wants total control of my son and will not stop until she gets it.

I would just like to say that estrangement is no less painful even when it is short lived.

I am fortunate in that I do still see my son and grandsons, not very often and not always under the most auspicious circumstances but it will have to do. It's better than nothing.

Estrangement whether completely or partial is very painful. With my son it's completely. Zero contact . Apart from having to contact him to give him the money from the sale of his dad's number plate which he left to the children. And when I had to let him know I was finally diagnosed and sent him a text to say a letter was coming and not to be send it back unopened as it is was a health matter. All contacted via text.

Estrangement in any form hurts. Even if people reconnect again how could you ever trust them again . I know if my son turned up today on my door step . It would never be them same. I can't and won't forgive him or my daughter in law and I will never trust him ever again.

Estrangement if it's months or years it hurts . And the not knowing why hurts even more. Everyone on this thread is suffering the same pain.

The betrayal of the values we brought up both the children with. I loved my daughter in law as my own. I never knew or imagined she hated me so much. But she has killed that love. But my son and daughter in law may hate me but I don't hate them don't want or need hate in my life. Had enough of that with my in-laws.

Estrangement is a living grief. The grief I feel for my husband everyday is the same as for my son and grandson's. The difference is my husband died choose to inflict this grief on me. But my son did.

Thank you for you kind words. I have felt wrecked all week. One of my excellent friends in the North East phoned me on wednesday and she did boost me along. She always says that is ok to feel not ok. I just have a lump in my throat all the time and want to sit and cry my eyes out.

I walk most days and try and do 10,000 steps on 5 days out of 7. But there isnt much in the way of change in the walks that I do so I need to join something of a exercise plan or group.

Yesterday I did go into my little craft shop and she said that a group is going to be formed for both knitting and sewing and I gave her my number. I said that I am willing to go along and maybe help others with either knitting or crocheting. The thought of doing sewing appeals as I would love to learn to make clothes properly.

Me and DH are going away for week to the North East, my home land. Hopefully I will get to see some friends and go on the beach. We go next friday. Something to look forward to.

Take care everyone and thank for listening/reading.

Should be didn't not died ?

Purplepixie we crossed posts . Getting away will do the both of you a power of good. And recharge.your batteries. Old places and old friends will give you a boost. ?

That sounds like a great idea PP. It helps being away for a while and not looking at the same walls day in and day out. A change is good as a rest so the saying goes and it's true.

We're so lucky to have our lodge and to be able to go away as often as we do. Where in the North East are you going?

I can't say for sure as I've not experienced partial estrangement, but I've always thought that it must be harder than total estrangement as you inevitably try to keep the relationship going. Walk on egg shells and bite your tongue, neither of which I'd be any good at.

I don't have to imagine what these d's.i.l are like because our ES's wife is just the same. That said, I can't imagine being able to 'keep my powder dry' as my gran would say, when I was being sneered at, insulted and/or slighted.

I take my hat off to you DSL, I really do.

the betrayal of the values we bought both the children up with. That's the thing Whiff. It isn't just that we miss not being able to see them and our GC, it's what they've done to us, to our self esteem, our core values. They've trashed everything we stand for and everything we've ever done for them.

Even now 9.5 years on as I typed that I felt so angry. How dare they do this to us. Discard us like rubbish, throw back in our faces everything we've done and lie to try to justify the unjustifiable.

Rant over. Not sure where that came from but better out than in.

Thank you. Yes, we both need to escape this house for a few days. We are staying in Newcastle and visiting friends at Durham as well as going to Hexham on the train.

Rant away......

That's the beauty of this thread, it's our safe space.

The thing that I find most difficult is that I have lost so much of my confidence as a result of what happened. I just felt that the stuffing had been knocked out of me. I felt so ill. The pain was real, it was visceral.

Now I'm having to rebuild my confidence and it's a slow job,

It's blisteringly hot here. Might have to have a siesta. ?

Newcastle's a great place to visit.

Meant to say in my previous post that I'm glad our little poodle isn't the only one Yogin. How can something so cute and adorable be attracted to everything smelly and disgusting?

Our cockapoo never does it; she's a proper little lady.

Pixie....that sounds lovely. It's a beautiful part of the world.

My husband and I went there for a few days just as he was beginning to become symptomatic. It was our last proper holiday before he got sick.

I have a photo of him, taken on that holiday on my bedside table. It's the last one in which he looks hale and hearty, although when you look closely, you can see something is wrong. It's in his eyes.

Hey ho. I have never been back, not sure if I could, too many memories.

Just noticed we are at almost 1,000 so made the next thread . That way anyone who needs us can find us .

All sorted here, everything unpacked, shopping done and all of the sea gull pooh washed off the roof terrace. I think they know when we're away and make the most of it .

Another thread maxed out and a new one already begun.

See you all there ladies x