Wow DSL an offer already and over the asking price
. That's wonderful news and shows that all the time and effort you've put into getting the house ready for the market has paid off.
It's such an enormous relief to find somewhere to share with those who understand how awful estrangement and the fear of estrangement is. To have your feelings understood and to be validated. To be declared sane and not guilty or wanting as a parent.
I don't know if I, Mr. S. or any of us will ever have the confidence we used too, but as time goes by the confidence we've lost does gradually begin to grow again.
You need to be kind to yourself Allsorts
. Everything you did, everything you tolerated and everything you let go without comment was out of love for your D, and your desire to see her, have a relationship with her and be a part of your life.
You were her victim because she victimised you, took advantage of the love you have for her and perhaps, as I think our ES did, went too far and misunderstood what unconditional love really means.
It isn't a blank cheque, a 'get out of jail free' card, it means that despite what our ES or those AC who have the threat of estrangement hanging over their parents day in day out, as their parents we will always love them, because our love for them is unconditional.
It doesn't mean that we like them, that if one day the estranged ones want to come back we'll welcome them with open arms, or that for those living with the threat, the day may come when they, the parents decide enough is enough and walk away.
If moving is the right thing you'll know, so perhaps now just isn't the right time for you to be thinking about it. Don't see it as a weakness that this isn't something you can face at the moment. Your strength lies in knowing that now isn't the time, and waiting for when it is.
As Whiff, DSL and Yogin can attest too, the whole process of selling up and moving on is so much harder when you have to do it alone. It's a hard enough challenge when you have someone to share it with.
This will pass, but it will pass in it's own time Allsorts, you can't snap your way out of it, it doesn't work that way and in my experience, the harder you try too, the worse it gets.
I'm not suggesting you give in, but don't berate yourself either. Be proud of how far you've come x.
A very warm welcome Roobs or perhaps that should be welcome back as you said you've posted here before. I'm sorry that you felt misunderstood but it's good to know that simply reading this thread has been helpful.
We learn from one another. DerbyshireLass has opened my eyes to the nightmare of living with the threat of estrangement. Constantly egg shell walking, second guessing what's really going on and always negotiating that emotional mine field.
Estrangement is horrible, but at least those of us who are estranged know what we have to deal with. I can only imagine how stressful it must be living with the threat. I know that that could have easily been our situation and can now thank God literally, that we were spared that and spared the pain of losing the GC we knew and loved, because we were never given the opportunity to do so.
Like you, knowing our son was and is totally complicit is the hardest and most upsetting thing of all .
Parents invariably seem to be held responsible Whiff. There are of course parents whose abuse and/or neglect of their children results in them being estranged and understandably so. That said here on GN I often see the poster whose the mother, m.i.l. or GM being held responsible for the unacceptable behaviour of their AC, s.i.l/d.i.l. or he parent(s) of their GC.
Oh absolutely hugshelp and I've been saying so for years. If we've done nothing to deserve our estrangements and it can happen to us, it can happen to anyone can't it. But if it's our fault, then those who are so quick to judge and condemn are 'safe'.
