Estranged hut sending cards

That's how the justice system works (hopefully)
Not to tear everyone with the same brush and to untangle and understand the reasons and motivations.

Talking sense, with your usual pragmatic and "un myopic" approach as usual MissAdventure! My mother sent birthday cards for the first few years too. Saw them. Binned them. Job done. No drama.

Im not sure where we landed

Is it stalking if someone makes it clear they want no contact and that is ignored?

Not in my view, it could be someone desperately wants to communicate with you.

Yes, I think so.
Again, a card once a year, or someone going through your bins, turning up at your workplace, involving your children.
I know which kind of stalker I'd prefer.
Yes though, continuing to instigate unwelcome contact is stalking.

What if the EAC hasn't set any boundaries and the estranged parent is ever hopeful...what level of stalking would this come under?

Well, exactly.
If my girl and I fell out she would put the phone down on me.
I would just keep ringing until she answered. in about 5 minutes.
Stalking?

It's up to the recipient to decide whether or not receiving cards is regarded as stalking for them personally, not for generalisations to be made.

That comes under 'damned if you do and and damned if you don't' Bridie.

I understand

Obviously I did bring it in in reference to my mum and then family who estranged me... And our experiences do colour our advice

But my point is as it was...

We cant always know how the things we do effect others but what we can know is how it impacts us...

When sending these things arent replied to, and I would guess in an estrangement situation that they arent replied to because sending them has not changed the situation...

Then its time for the sender to truly consider whether they are holding back their own healing and happiness by continuing...

Knowing whether sending those things is a healthy behaviour or not (which it would of course take time to understand that you are actually estranged and not getting the silent treatment for example), i honestly think is a first step to that healing.

This is the hard bit Smileless, how am I to know if my EAC considers me a stalker if I'm not told?
We just go around in circles dont we ?

Why are you continuing to push such an extreme agenda vs? The OP has made no mention of her daughter claiming to be stalked/harassed/"triggered" or in any way communicated that she wants the cards to cease being sent. Whilst you've made your wishes known to your own estranged family, and so boundaries and expectations are clear; Allsorts has received no such directive from her daughter (in fact no communication whatsoever) and it's therefore important that ones own "triggers", boundaries and expectations aren't assumed to be the same as someone else's. Looking through a wider lens is helpful.

Sending a card may well be slowly changing the situation, though.
Bit by slow bit, someone who thought their parent really didn't care might realise that actually, they do, enough to choose a card and write in it, year after year.

Someone on here said, your don't owe your parent anything, I disagree, you do. Unless you suffered abuse. Respect that they bought you up in a decent home and loved you, probably still do.. Right they get on your nerves and you don’t want to be around them-but make sure they are alright, show some loyalty and just be a decent human being. It’s easy walking away and not look back for some I know. That’s all I will say on it as there’s lots of people with no conscience and it’s all about them, I think there’s more good than bad though.

I'm sure if your EAC thought of you as a stalker Bridie, s/he'd have let you know. You're an estranged mother who loves and misses her EAC, and because some EAC have made it plain they don't want any contact and regard any contact as stalking, please don't think that this is how your own AC may see you, just because that's how some EP's are regarded by the AC who have estranged them, especially when your EAC never said so.

There's simply no way of knowing for certain is there MissA.
We have never sent our ES a card. Sent them to our GC for about 7 years until we decided we no longer needed to do so, and it was only then that we stopped.

Allsorts .

My opinion as an EAC.

If your adult child has told you that he wants no contact from you at any point, then you should send nothing. Cards, letters and gifts are contact and your EAC wont want that.

If you have been told and you continue to contact them, even via cards or gifts, then you could be seen as harassing or stalking. You will know because your EAC will let you know. Usually in the form of a letter from an attorney (solicitor) or a visit from the police.

If your EAC has never told you that they want no contact, then send something if it makes you feel better. At some point though, it may be best to reevaluate it for your own mental health.

So sorry sad
My oldest friend of 40 yrs said cutting hurtful words, I know I was in a bad place but her words /tones were outside the box
Only needed a sorry. This word is underestimated. Yrs later we decided to draw a line - to then find she wouldn’t speak to me on phone at all just email, lives 50 miles away I feel she is getting back at me ( games)
Now I feel she has stabbed me in back and I’m stuck
Think I’m just reiterating follow your heart & intuition. Wish I had Xx

Polly, sometimes friendships run their course and it seems yours with friend has. I wouldn't play games with her. Just an e mail saying you would prefer to communicate by telephone or in person in future. Leave it at that. The doors open. Move on, as there's others whom would value a true friendship.

I have been estranged from my daughter for over 7.5 years now and I still send christmas and birthday cards and put a gift card in there. The cards are mostly non committal. No words of Wonderful Daughter etc. But nothing comes back. I know they get there as I send them special delivery. Oh well, one day…………………

A lot of relationships breakdown and parents are victims of estrangement because of their DS or DDs partners. If a son or daughter is in a controlling relationship there is very little anyone can do especially if there is distance between them.

Partners who control them manipulate who their partners see and communicate with. In a former marriage I was stopped very cleverly from seeing people close to me until I put an end to the marriage.

Each relationship is different some complex some not but it is heartbreaking for the parent or siblings being estranged. I would say if you still want to send a card do so you have a heart and it shines through.