It seems that with some offspring it doesn’t matter a jot about how good a parent you were/are, they will do what they want to do no matter the hurt and fallout this may cause. Seven years ago my middle son made up a pack of lies about one of his children asking who his (my sons) real dad was; I didn’t believe this because my son was only 5 years old when his father left our family and there had been no co tact between the. For almost 30 years, my grandson new my husband as Bampy and my son had always called my husband Dad and treated him as such. As a mother we often overlook the odd fib don’t we but this was so blatant a lie that I knew my son had already contacted his father. A few weeks later he informed me that he was going to initiate contact with his father and I asked him simply not to put ‘happy crappy family photos’ with my grandchildren and this person that has had no input in my sons life for three decades. Some weeks later, I was taking a break from nursing my father who was dying of cancer, I opened my iPad onto Facebook and the very first picture that greeted me was my beautiful boy, his wife and their two sons all smiling out to a family dinner with his father, wife his two children and just for good measure my ex brother and sister in law! Obviously it caught me at a very delicate time and I was so distressed by this that I couldn’t contain my distress; my Dad, bless him, had lost the power of speech and signed to me that I should tear up Facebook and throw it away! My father died not long after that and there was a large family funeral and all three of my sons were present, I’d already told the other two boys that they were to be ok with their brother no matter what their feelings about his actions toward me. I realise this may seem like a ramble, please forgive me. The short story is that 6 months later my son decided that for the benefit of his family he needed to have his father in his life and that he needed to think about whether I should be in his life? I said that this would be his choice. After a couple of weeks is mentioned to my husband that I hadn’t heard anything from my son to which my husband responded half jokingly ‘has he blocked you on Facebook?’ Yes, when I checked he had actually blocked me on Facebook. That was four years ago now, he has moved house so I don’t have his address anymore, I’ve heard that he now has a third son himself.
I spent the first year sobbing my heart out every night, the second year probably once a week at least, the third year I started to question what was I crying for and over this last year I not cried at all. I realised that I loved the baby I gave birth too, the little boy that used to hold my hand and tell me he loved me soooo much, the little boy I comforted when his father didn’t turn up for his weekend (which stopped altogether after two years, along with very spasmodic child support); the teenager who I helped with homework and hobbies and ambition to become an actor; put him through college and then four years at university; the young man who got stuck in a relationship he needed rescuing from - you know the sorts of things we do - BUT I don’t even know the man that he has become. I still send him and his family birthday messages, Christmas and New Year, I never get an acknowledgement!
I’ve lost my son and three grandsons, the children don’t even know who my husband and I are. My other sons don’t speak to him at all no matter that I have asked them to, they are both disgusted with the way he has treated me but other members of the family have held the door open for him should he ever decide to come back to me - he is my son and I will always love him I just don’t like him very much at the moment. The main thing is I don’t cry over it anymore.