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Struggling to see my grand daughter after my daughter’s death

(48 Posts)
Sharon4068 Mon 22-Aug-22 18:53:57


Hi Everyone,

This is my first post. I’m hoping to find some advice on here if possible. I hope this is allowed.
My daughter sadly passed away in Feb leaving her 8 year old daughter (my grand daughter) and her husband. Her husband isn’t my grand daughter’s biological father and he hasn’t adopted her. Since my daughter’s death, he has stopped me from contacting my grand daughter, changed all phone numbers and blocked all social media. I don’t even know where they are now living, I think it’s somewhere down south. When I’ve spoken to the local children’s services, they have just advised me to get a special guardianship order through the courts. I applied to the court but they have just sent the form back saying I need legal advice on how to apply. I’m not in a position to pay for expensive legal costs but I am desperate to have some contact with my grand daughter.
My daughter died unexpectedly but she knew something was going to happen because she sent numerous messages and verbally asked me to look after her daughter if anything happened to her. He death is being investigated due to her being in a controlling and cohesive relationship with her husband.
Had anyone else been in this position and able to offer any advice because I’m just hitting brick walls everywhere I turn.
Thanks in advance.

DiamondLily Tue 23-Aug-22 04:30:25

I would contact the council for the area your daughter lived in, and ask to speak to the team involved with Child Protection/safeguarding. They may know what's going on, and where they have gone.

Wherever your GD is living, the local social services team need to be advised of the ongoing situation

They will, generally, be able to point you in the right direction of a solicitor that deals with family issues.

As others have said, also contact the police dealing with your daughter's death, and tell them of your concerns around your GD. Let them know what your daughter said about him.

Condolences on the death of your daughter, and I hope you resolve something with seeing your GD.?

BlueBelle Tue 23-Aug-22 06:30:42

This sounds so very worrying I cannot give you any better advice than you ve already had but sending some love and peace your way ?
Contact the police team asap

Summerfly Tue 23-Aug-22 08:18:28

So sorry for your loss Sharon. Losing you daughter In these circumstances must be dreadful for you. Lots of good advice on here for you. I’m afraid I have none to offer you, but I sincerely hope that you have a good outcome and you’re reunited with your granddaughter soon. Sending hugs.
Please let us know how this all works out for you. ???

Shelflife Tue 23-Aug-22 09:09:59

What shocking situation for you. Lots of sound advice been given. Get onto the police ASAP, You must be out of your mind with worry! It is irrelevant whether you are willing or able to have custody of your GC - what is essential is that this child is taken away from the man she is with - he has no rights what so ever. She needs a stable loving home with you or others . Tell the police what your daughter said to you , I am so sorry for your loss . Keep posting here if we can support you through this dreadful time.???

VioletSky Tue 23-Aug-22 12:03:40

You are right MissA

It was very late and for some reason I read "children's services" and thought CPS and that the OP might be in the US.

tickingbird Tue 23-Aug-22 12:44:10

This is terrible and I really feel for you. Surely your rights as a blood relative trump this man’s? Surely children’s services have a duty of care? This man can’t just take your granddaughter away.

I really hope you can resolve this situation as you must be worried sick flowers

Oldbat1 Tue 23-Aug-22 13:11:14

I am so sorry to read your predicament. Along with contacting Police I would contact education authorities or the school if you know which one your granddaughter attended. School records follow children when they move schools or areas. You will definitely need legal advice. Safeguarding police officer, education welfare officer and headteacher where your daughter lived will be involved.I wish you good luck in locating your granddaughter.

LOUISA1523 Tue 23-Aug-22 17:11:50

If biological father is not on birth certificate he will not have PR...therefore when your DD died there would usually be an ico ( interim care order ) ordered by a judge in the family court ....then the person wanting to care for the child would need to seek an SGO ( special guardianship order) ....until then the local authority would be the corporate parent ..... make a safeguarding referral to the LA where she lived..... ask to speak to the police investigating her death

MadeInYorkshire Thu 25-Aug-22 14:21:30

Bit odd the OP hasn't come back to us - is this one of those 'false posts' do you think?

Sharon4068 Thu 06-Oct-22 23:31:47

Just to give you all an update
Thank you for all the advice, I’ve instructed a solicitor over here to go through everything. Someone mentioned that if I couldn’t afford legal fees, how could I afford another child? I’m my defence, it’s different finding an additional £100 a week to feed and clothe another child than to find £10,000 in legal fees. I do work and have a good wage but finding thousands of pounds for solicitor’s is something I have struggled with. I am just waiting for her to look at all of the evidence I have sent over. I am also looking at getting a petition together for the British government to change the law over here. As you know, I am the closest blood relative to my grand daughter but I have no rights and her step father who has no parental rights over her has full custody and I’ve got to fight through the courts to even see her. Would anyone on here be willing to support my petition? Thanks

OnwardandUpward Thu 06-Oct-22 23:43:18

I'm so sorry for your loss Sharon flowers and for this awful situation.

Am I right in assuming that there isn't enough evidence for CPS to put a case together against this man? I know very often the police KNOW someone has done something, yet their hands are tied and they will not arrest if the evidence to charge someone is not there. So trying and distressing!

Do you know where your GD birth father is? Can he or any of his family help you in this? Yes I'm sure many of us would gladly sign a petition.

Wyllow3 Fri 07-Oct-22 00:06:37


^He death is being investigated due to her being in a controlling and cohesive relationship with her husband^

Contact the police who are investigating your daughter's death and tell them you are fearful for your granddaughter as they have both disappeared.
Keep on until you get a result.

I agree.

What Iam64 said above and similar, too
Its true you can get a half hours advice free.

Contact your local Domestic Abuse helpline, mine gave me a list of solicitors who give half hour free time.

If you have anything in writing at all, like texts, take screenshots, the more hard evidence the better. (as you said "she sent numerous messages")

What about GD's school? Did GD or DD ever say anything to them?

I'd go to my MP, too.

All the very best x

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 07-Oct-22 09:23:43

I’m with Meryl she should be reported as a missing child and the Police should be involved. Find her then decide about any visitation or custody battles later.

She is a vulnerable child and must be found. Put details on Face book with photographs, contact the local radio, local TV but start doing something to find her.

So sorry about the death of your daughter, the child must also be distraught.

This chap has no legal rights and has abducted a child.

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 07-Oct-22 09:25:11

My advice is obviously meant for the U.K. and I didn’t spot the update.

VioletSky Fri 07-Oct-22 16:51:43

I can't support grandparents being given more rights, sorry. Too many children are fought over in court as it is.

Court doesn't seem the right route for you either. Gaining access to your grandchild would not protect her.

What you should do is go to the police and social services and have them locate and check the child's welfare.

Find out why they would be placed with a step parent rather than a blood relative and go from there

tickingbird Fri 07-Oct-22 17:16:14

I’d support your petition. That man shouldn’t have any rights where your granddaughter is concerned.

Jaylou Fri 07-Oct-22 17:37:14

Have you been in touch with the Head at your GD's old school? When a child is transferred to a new school, their file will be requested and transferred to the new school. GDPR may stop the school giving you all the information, but they may be able to give you the LEA area, which may help you. Alternatively files will be transferred by GP's too. This is something the Police could maybe request.

Just a suggestion. Wishing you a successful outcome.

Loretta1 Fri 07-Oct-22 17:53:24

You have said your daughter's death is being looked into, have you been in touch with the coroner? have you got a copy of her death certificate if one has been issued? I am so sorry to hear that yiu are in this dreadful situation

ElaineI Fri 07-Oct-22 18:34:50

Do you live overseas Sharon or does your granddaughter? Your wording makes it sound like one of you is in a different country. What was your contact like before your daughter died - did you see your granddaughter? Does your granddaughter have a good relationship with your son in law? Anyone else you know who could let you know where they are? A close friend may not be blocked on social media. The one thing I would advise so far is to keep a copy of all the messages your daughter sent you to pass on to relevant people.

LilyoftheValley Fri 07-Oct-22 18:38:02

What a dreadful thing. I do you find help for your granddaughter and yourself. You must be worried sick. You are in my prayers.

Sharon4068 Fri 07-Oct-22 20:51:56

Thanks for replies, it’s more complicated because my daughter died in Bulgaria and the police over there have investigated but found no real evidence. The police over here cannot help. I’ve been in contact with my local social services (Rochdale) and Essex where my GD is. Essex are aware of the situation but because they cannot see any risk and my GD looks ok, they have closed the case. I have been told she’s not in school yet but this doesn’t seem to be a concern for them either. Her previous school was in Bulgaria so they don’t have any forwarding details. My MP got back to me today advising how to put a petition together and I’ve also asked him if he can help with my case in anyway. I will keep you all updated

ElaineI Sat 08-Oct-22 00:31:28

Glad you are being assisted by your MP. Strange she isn't in school yet. I can see why you are so concerned but at least she is in the UK not Bulgaria. Please do keep updating us.