Mistakes of last Christmas, not to be repeated!

Poor you Onward it must be an awful loss for you all to bear. Your son is in effect blackmailing you. Well done you, even in your heartache, for standing your ground. You’ve paid a very high price and I admire you.

It takes time Onward to come to the realisation that as much as we love the child whose estranged us, we are safer and our lives are better without them.

Your love for your son and GC was the driving force that made you to do all that you could to maintain a relationship, so what you did last year because of Christmas was not a mistake. It's your son who has and continues to make mistakes, not you.

Estrangement is aptly referred too as a living bereavement because we grieve for the child, and in may cases also the GC we have lost. I think there will never be closure as certain times of the year inevitably have us wondering what they're doing, how they are and for those of us who never knew our GC, what they look like.

The memories that you have made with your GC will not be forgotten, they cannot be erased from your memory or theirs. Neither can the love that they know you have for them.

You can never have too much to offload, or too long a post for the support thread Onward, you should see the length of some of ours, especially as Christmas approaches.

All we can do is listen too, care for and support one another.

for you, BigBertha and Harris

You've made the right decision, but the loss is very hard to bear. x

Thankyou @Harris27 I am happy in many ways, but there is the pain of loss which simultaneously I live with as long as this estrangement goes on. It is hard to bear a child, love and do your best for them, giving everything you can and then for them to turn on you and pour hatred on you, even try to control every aspect of your life and do things designed to hurt- like withhold their child.

But he is not my only child and I must carry on. I live a good life and enjoy many things, even though I bear this pain. There is a full life and happiness, even with loss. I am sad that he has cut his family off from everyone who loves them, but it will be him who ultimately suffers because there is a bond with the GC and they will always crave us.

So sorry for the loss of your nephew. So sad and I hope your sister is able to find peace and happiness even though she has this terrible loss. x

I wish you peace as I write this I have some knowledge of a past nephew who ruined a sisters life over drugs and eventually suicide. I hope you find some peace and happiness in your life.x

I am terribly sad to lose my GC. I have been quietly grieving about this for a few months now and have accepted that I will not see them because I will not chase this year. Thanks @Icanhandthemback . My other son is sad to miss his brother but also does not want to be mixed up in anything dodgy, so we have mixed feelings. Overall, we just want him to live right, make good decisions for himself and his family and realise that he had a family that loved him, but that we have reached our limits because of what he's involved in.

So sorry about your brother @Icanhandthemback that was a real tragedy.

It is terribly sad when estrangement happens, no matter what side of the equation you are on. It is lovely that you can balance your sadness with the positive sides of being free from abusive behaviour though, OnwardandUpward. I hope you have a calm Christmas season which refreshes and builds upon the good relationship you have with your other son.
BigBertha1, what a terrible thing to happen to your nephew. Drug addiction is such an awful thing and makes good people become the most terrible people. My brother died of a drugs overdose but the lovely person we knew before he became addicted disappeared before our eyes. It was a tragedy.

I don't want anyone who knows me to know what he tried to make me do. So I am not talking about it IRL and it took me ages to find the words to write it online. Thanks Redhead56

Don’t bottle things up they weigh you down like a burden. Share problems it makes you feel better and you won’t be judged just supported.

So sorry for your troubles and the tragic loss of your Nephew BigBertha1.

Thankyou Redhead 56. I have been supported here before as problems have gone on for many years. I would have commented on the main post, but what I needed to say was just too long after bottling it up for months.

I felt very sad reading this and I know that it’s something that that has happened to many parents and grandparents. I have experienced a few difficult times as a parent but so far not estrangement. There is on this site a forum which is especially for this subject I think the OP was one of the grans on here.

I know for sure you will be well supported there with other grans who have experienced cruel behaviour by the AGC. I am confident the support that you will get will be a comfort to you.

I'm sorry to hear about this onward. Some years ago when my parents were alive my younger brother coerced and bullied them to part with all their money and lots of their belongings for drugs. He burgled my and my sister's houses. So I know something of which you speak. Once my parents were gone we cut him out of our lives and he had a few spells in prison too. His son, my nephew eventually committed suicide by hanging himself in the bathroom. We understand he is reformed and now helping others to quit drugs but we have rejected him completely and we are all much happier and safer for it. I hope you can arrive at a situation you can be at peace with and somehow safely see your grandchild.