Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

That's right Whiff when he was on the cross. They didn't believe in him so had no understanding of what they were doing, but as you say our EAC know precisely what they've done and continue to do.

You do have a busy week ahead. It's good that your consultant is on top of things, that must be reassuring and hopefully the increased dosage will help to alleviate the stiffness in your limbs.

Good post Allsorts. As with all abusers, the coercive controlling partner isolates their victim from family and friends to have control and to prevent any observations they may have, that might make them question the nature of the relationship.

I've always truly believed that had our ES told us he was no longer able to have a relationship with us, for the sake of his marriage and child(ren's) family life, that would have been much kinder than what he did do.

I can understand someone in his situation, with his coercive wife and her very jealous nature, putting her and the children first, even at the expense of his own parents but what I cannot and never will be able to understand are the lies. Lies that very nearly and deliberately put our relationship with his brother at risk too.

We all know that hurting someone is inevitable if you end a relationship, but it's always possible to find the least hurtful way possible.

You must have been relieved Onward, I know we were. We never said anything at the time, and I only did a couple of years later because of what our DS said when we were visiting in Aus.

He said he'd never do to us what his brother had done and I said I knew that, but there'd been a time when we thought we'd lose him too. He simply said "I know mum", so he must have become aware of what they were up too.

It raises the question as to why it isn't enough for them, our EAC to end our relationship, some of them try and destroy our other relationships too.

Back home again and looking forward to my next singing lesson on Tuesday and the choir starting again Tuesday evening.

If we're discussing the bible, I agree with your POV Smileless I think the Prodigal son might be a bit relevant? I think the Father always hoped he would return, but he waited until the son was very truly sorry to welcome him. Even when he did welcome him, the other loyal son was upset. I have always tried not to mention my ES to my loyal, loving son in case he ever feels his presence is not enough.

Whiff I love garden centres too! In the winter we walk around the big ones with the dog and it makes a nice outing. I hope your medication is much better when you get used to it.

Yes Smileless my ES tried to poison my other son against us too. It only lasted about a week when he was irritable and "off", thankfully. He now says his brother is "very changeable". It's hard for me to explain without sharing details but there isn't any stability.

So sorry Allsorts I have a good understanding of coercive relationships, having lived in one in the past- and of almost falling back into some of the same traps when my ES became coercive.

Have any of you been following the story in the news about Constance Marten ? She's an aristocrat, estranged from her family since becoming involved with a cult and having a boyfriend who may have isolated her. Sad story and also rings some bells with me, though sadly not the aristocrat bit

When I heard about Constance my heart sank. How she must be suffering, with a young baby and that violent monster. What chance has she or the child? He should be in prison for the rest of his natural life. It's a case of fear the worst and hope and pray for the best outcome. Can you imagine how her family are feeling? I know Onward and a couple of other ladies on this thread left abusive controlling partners, you eventually took charge and were extremely brave to leave and start rebuilding your self confidence. You deserve to be happy and move on whilst ex partners still will be stuck in their vile ways. 💐

Yes Allsorts I can't stop thinking of Constance and hoping she's ok.

Much as I complain of my ES trying to coerce me, he was also brainwashed by a group online (and being used by them to spread their messages that incited hatred). Many people with MH problems are vulnerable to exploitation. I was shocked to see him a victim of brainwashing. The last conversation I had with him, he was saying the opposite of some previously firm opinions that he'd had. Sadly there are people who turn our kids against us because it benefits them to do so.

I very much hope that Constance is able to realise her familys love and concern for her and find safety.

Smiles Well, I think that's all part of the brainwashing, the lies. My estD&H tried to pull my DD into the estrangement and when they were saying things about me my DD stuck up for me and said that's not mum! she would never do/say that and then of course because she wouldn't join them, they then estranged her too.

Yes, I did hear that story about Constance, awful! He is wanted in the USA for rape, or he went to prison for it, one or the other.

That happened to my youngest son too, sadly Yogini. It's sad for him to lose a brother and for your D to lose her sister.

I think he went to jail in America for it from the age of 14 when it happened. I hope Constance is safe.

Yes, my DD misses her sister, my son was still in contact with estD [his sister] till quite recently, but now unofficially estranged, but he has said 'good riddance, her behaviour is unacceptable'.

My son misses his brother too. But we have taken so much abuse that we will not contact him.

I found this video on Youtube about divorcing adult kids www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaggQddWK2M It might be quite helpful to some people. I have not formally divorced my ES or done anything, just stopped partaking in my own abuse.

PS The comments on the video are good. I'm shocked that so many loving Mothers are feeling the need to withdraw from abusive kids.

I think Mr O is suffering a lot as well. We miss being GP a lot. If ES had allowed contact, we would have put up with more abuse just to have it, I admit. But no one should ever put up with abuse and most definitely not from the child who they have loved and nurtured.

Someone mentioned sixty and me not long after I joined the support thread . She does talk sense.

It's a horrible thing when we have to protect ourselves from our own children but for our own peace of mind we have to. This living grief would destroy us if we let it. That's what so good about this thread knowing others know exactly how you feel. And nothing you say is wrong that's why I ramble on because I know I can say what I need to without being criticised or ridiculed . A safe place. Where just by people's words I feel I have made friends. 😊

I'm glad you already knew about Sixty and me, Whiff. I found it today when googling something that was bothering me. I found it really interesting reading the comments and it seemed like everyone had the same child!

Yes, it's awful to need to protect ourselves from those who we've protected, nourished and nurtured all their lives. Thanks Whiff, I appreciate that. So good to have a safe place! "Better out than in", as some would say!

Just a quick thought just read the news . I do wish the press would stop calling if you have more than one child Spare. They are doing it to Princess Charlotte now. Even though my son doesn't want me he was never conceived as

Fingers out of control and pressed.
As spare . He was a much wanted child took me 6 months to conceive in the end only managed it then because I took my temperature every morning and when it went up told my husband he had 3 days so jump to it. 😁.

Good afternoon everyone, hope you're all having a good day.

I think the fact that some parents actually end up divorcing their own AC, just shows how abusive some of them can be Onward.

I'm guessing that if they estrange their parents then there's no need for them to take such a painful step as they've severed contact, and at least here in the UK we are not forced to have them as beneficiaries in our will if we choose not too.

for Mr. O, he'll be missing being a GF. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you who had that special relationship with their GC, only to have it taken away.

I know how fortunate we are to have never known our GC. We miss what we never had; missing what you once had must be much harder.

3 days so jump to it and he obviously did Whiff.

There are still days when we have to fight to not let the pain override everything that's good in our lives, even after 10 years. It's something that will never go away completely, often catching us out when we least expect it.

It is hard for the siblings of our EAC Yogin. They see the family they love torn apart, the pain inflicted on the their parents and there's nothing they can do about it.

Sometimes the one who estranges tries to cause a division between their sibling(s) and their parents, something which we and Onward experienced which is so hard to understand.

If they don't want us, why should they care if our other child(ren) does?

My singing lesson went well yesterday which was miraculous as I forgot to take my reading glasses, so my teacher had to say the words just before I sang them.

Thank goodness I remembered them for choir practice. I think I'll have to get a cheap pair to keep in my bag at all times to spare me from any future embarrassment.

Whiff

Just a quick thought just read the news . I do wish the press would stop calling if you have more than one child Spare. They are doing it to Princess Charlotte now. Even though my son doesn't want me he was never conceived as

I agree with you Whiff. It's awful isn't it.

My ES already has a huge inferiority complex due to his (horrible) Father always bigging up his eldest child and leaving him out. He was never a spare either, but a child I wanted very much. Admittedly I did persuade his dad to have a second child, but I believed that he would love and treat them equally as any parent surely would, but I was naive.

Do you think that divorcing your child is a legal process Smileless? If it is, I don't want to do it because it would be like giving up hope for the future. Poor Mr S missing being a Grandfather. Thanks, I know Mr O misses GC very much and is heartbroken. It's only been 4 months since we lost contact, so is quite fresh in our minds still. Also, because they lived with us for a year we were bonded more than GP who had not lived with their GP.

Yes it is hard for the siblings of our EC as you say Smileless. They have lost the only person of their generation, all of the company, the memories and things they used to share- and seen their parents decimated in pain too.

Talking about why they cause division? Because they can I think.
"If they don't want us, why should they care if our other child(ren) does?" Because they aim to inflict as much pain as possible I think

The last time we heard from ES, he selfishly used his own brother's birthday to tell him that he would not be around for Christmas. We had already suspected this and ignored it. His brother ignored it. By then we had not been answering for a month and some people I mentioned it to on here felt that he was trying to get a reaction. Looking back, he has often used special occasions to cause pain, often deliberately excluding us from the GC's birthday even when they were all living with us.

Glad you enjoyed your singing lesson Smileless. Another pair of glasses, even if they were cheap ones, is a really good idea. I have a cheaper pair I keep in my work bag and in general try to have two of things because swapping bags seems to be a disaster. ( I lose things! ) Singing is so beneficial, such a great thing to do and social too.

Lovely to hear how well you are doing with your singing Smiles I bought a pack of 6 reading glasses online, one in each room, in my bag and in the car, as can't read a thing without them.

It was H and M who decided on the title of his book. Glad I had two children, it’s the eldest who got all the attention for years before a sibling came, that stuck the knife in my heart. I found out why, she didn’t want to run around after any one when they got old. She has hurt her brother so much, he had to go to because he wouldn’t stops seeing me, he idolised her. Can’t see anyone running anywhere, it was me doing that with child care etc, freely and lovingly given.
If I could sing Smileless I would join a choir too, but I’m a poor singer, I think a lot of people who think they can’t sing would be so much better with training at school, getting the breathing right and the scales
Onward, stop tormenting yourself, we all do it at times, but it’s not you.

Good idea Onward and Yogin, I found a pair of cheap reading glasses in a drawer, checked that they're still good enough for me to use for reading, and have put them in my bag.

I'm not sure Onward but I think it is a legal process to divorce your child, just as as far as I know, it's a legal process for a child to divorce their parents. Not sure if that happens in the UK but it does in the states.

Feeling fed up this morning as I've got a stinking cold which means I might have to miss Tuesday's singing lesson and choir practice.

You're spot on about breathing correctly when you sing Allsorts and also knowing what your range is. Some people think they can't sing because the range they use doesn't suit them and is often too high.

You may well be a much better singer than you think.

I am lucky there is no way my son could have turned my daughter away from me . Fact is things between them had been strained for years due to daughter in law. They never got on from the first time they met in 2005. When we where all together they behaved themselves. But separately my daughter in law always made snide remarks about my daughter which I ignored. My daughter never said anything about her If I had known then years later the estrangement with my son would have happened I would have said something hindsight is a great thing. But I lived far away from them as both my children left home permanently in 2006 and I didn't come to live closer to them until 2019.

It was only after my son's emails to me and his sister she told me things she had hidden from me as she didn't want me to be hurt. My brother had hide things from me as well. Note to any estranged children don't tell lies then plaster the truth over Facebook and Reddit you will be found out .

I never joined Facebook until last April but only on the Hyperplexia Society Facebook page. As they have helped me understand about my HPX and like here I no longer feel alone. Because they are willing to share their experiences and how the condition has effected them I no longer feel weird I am normal for having HPX.

Had a almighty wobble yesterday . I am in a pain flare at the moment and having to take extra of both my pain killers . Hopefully get the letter soon from my neurologist about what dose of Clonazepam he wants me to go up too. When I saw him he couldn't decide what dose so was going to research what would help me . As my limbs are stiffer and my startle reflex is worse. If I have already said this sorry by can't remember if I had. Anyway my wobble was worrying about money and still no date for my PIP tribunal. So had a wallow in self pity and a cry and am back to my normal self.

Made a fatless tea bread to take to craft group this week it went down so well had requests for it again. I had made it on Tuesday and as it was sticky when I cut Thursday wrapped it individually in cling film. It's my mom's recipe but I adapted it. So simple 225g dried fruit I like to use cranberries,cherries and blueberries soaked in half a mug of tea . I use 2 tea bags any tea you like but not herbal or fruit. The mug I use in 400 ml. Soak over night. Take out tea bags. Add half a cup of light or dark brown sugar must be same size mug. Full mug SR flour and 1 medium egg. Add teaspoon of mixed spice ,or cinnamon if liked . Mix well put into lined 1lb loaf tin. 160° c for 50-60 mins until skewer comes out dry. Cool and store at least a day before cutting. Delicious eaten on its own or spread with butter.

Bet you didn't think you would have a recipe here 😁.

Glad your singing lessons are going well Smiles. I love singing but like Allsorts best sung at home. I listen to classic FM from when I wake at 5 until 1 when I have my lunch and put the TV on. My youngest grandson always dances when opera is on but still when it's just an orchestra. 🤷.

Anyway just having a quiet day well my weekends are normally quiet. Exercise class tomorrow and craft Thursday. No hospital or Drs appointments planned this week.

Have a good day everyone.

Smiles we crossed posts. Hope your cold goes soon. I have 4 pairs of glasses 2 distance which I wear all the time and reading glasses for close things. I always go Specsavers and have 2 pairs of each. I keep one pair of readers in the living room and the other in my bedroom. 1st of each month swap my distance glasses over. I like to give the same wear time. I know it sounds daft but that's me . 😁

Yogini, great idea with the glasses! I have two pairs which are current prescription but the others are older pairs or cheap pairs. I keep a pair in every room and one in my work bag because I can't read without them and always lose them. Sometimes they are on my head when Im looking for them

Allsorts I agree with you about the "spare" title. It's insulting that anyone would consider one child a spare, or "less than". So sorry about your girl. That's so selfish and immature of her. Like you we gave freely and lovingly- childcare and so much more- but it was only one way, not reciprocated. Selfish children make you appreciate unselfish children, I suppose. I am so grateful I had more than one!! The younger is way more kind, way more decent than the older one. He has standards and empathy.

Like you Whiff Im so glad my older one failed to turn my younger one against me. It seems to happen to many of us, I know it happened to Smileless too. The older one wants to estrange but tries to cause double pain, but thankfully they failed .

Oh yes, they can be found out on social media, for definite. I had seen my son running down our family on social media by telling lies for a long time before I let him have the last word. I never told him what I saw, but after that I stopped trusting him or believing anything he said. It made it easier to stop responding to his hostility.

So sorry your pain is so bad Whiff. Your fatless tea bread sounds amazing! I don't bake cakes because I don't like to, plus Mr O doesn't eat them and my son doesn't like anything with fruit in {grin] The recipe looks good for anyone who likes baking!

It's looking dry and mild here, so hopefully get outside for a good while, maybe tidy in the garden and walk the dog. Hope you all have a good day!

Morning all

Tax returned day today and shopping and fix the windscreen wash that keeps popping off in my car! Always lots to do!

Just getting renewals through as I've been here 1yr now [yes 1yr!] So, when I first moved in, I got the boiler cover, they went on to ask if I wanted pipe cover, then electrics cover, all at a cheap first year price, so I got them, now of course the renewal is 4 times more. At the end of the month/year I'm paying out a huge somes in covers. Along with pet cover which has shot up, I also get a health cover from my vet, which gives joey a check- up twice per year plus flea, worm tabs etc. Then house insurance, car, I give monthly amounts to charities, like RSPC & Donkeys in Spain & 'Animal survival'. All this adds up to more than £500pm and then my CC always seems to up there in the £1000pm, I do put everything on there and then I get the Tesco points which all adds up. Just wondered if I should cancel all these covers, what do others do? I don't have a lovely H to get any jobs done.

Morning all. Onwards it's my son who is 4 years younger than my daughter. She always said she was the bestest child when she was growing up seems she was right . But that doesn't stop me loving and wanting my son and grandson's in my life. But it's not to be so live my life to the full wobbles and all.

Yogin can't believe it's been a year since since you moved. When I had my new kitchen I took out extended warranties with AO with them there is no time limit you can pay for a year and stop or 10 years and stop it's up to you. I will carry on the cover until my appliances are 5 years old and see how I feel. We started having Homeserve for water and plumbing when it started over 20 years ago and I still have it. Over the years it's saved money on plumbers and heating engineers. I hadn't long moved here and the sewage pipe on my drive broke.4 times they put the camera down over 2 days before they found the problem. Then a team of 4 men dug part of my drive up . A sewage tanker had to come and as one of the men put to clean out the gunk. They worked no stop and repaired the drive all in a day. My boiler is serviced every year. Since moving here in August 2019 had new parts fitted to my boiler,new thermostat, and new values on all the radiators .. Dread to think how much plumber and heating engineer would have cost me. Plus all the things we had done to our 2 previous houses. I pay bit extract for no excess but it gives me peace of mind. Don't laugh but had them look at my boiler couple of weeks back as it made a funny noise. Turns out my boiler has a preheat setting if the water gets below a certain temperature it pre heats water ready for when I use the hot tap. The chap was lovely and explained it all. I have never had a combi boiler until I moved here. If I called a heating engineer he would have charged me call out fee and probably for wasting his time. Luckily I have good electrician who is very reasonable . Had all the work done on my bungalow . Will only need redecorating in 5 years time. As any minor knocks I touch up myself.

I give to charity when I feel I can spare the money. No pets and don't drive. House and contents insurance is with Saga fixed rate for 3 years and pay in one as monthly it would cost more. Always pay the bit extra for legal cover. All my bills are direct debit so I don't forget to pay anything and credit card bill paid in full every month within a hour of getting it otherwise I would forget.

I don't spend much on myself. But would like a holiday once I receive my state pension next year as haven't had one since 2005 and only then because my husband made me promise to go on holiday a year after he died.

Went to my exercise class yesterday we did circuit training. 7 different exercises it was fun . Found out I am the youngest at 64 the oldest is 90 and she's fitter than me.

Got cellulitis so got telephone appointment with my GP later today only phoned this morning. Had it before so know what it is.

Off to my daughter's tomorrow for lunch as it was her eldest birthday on Sunday he was 5 but they went away for the weekend. School teachers on strike tomorrow.

Anyway take care all.

Whiff, so sorry you have have Cellulitus, it's horrible, had it about 40 years ago after a major operation, thankfully not on the operation site, it was worse than the op, hopefefully with anti biotics it will clear up soon. Have a lovely time at your daughters.
Onward, I gave a cheap pair glasses in most room too, my latest trick is leaving pair of my chair and feeling a crunch when I sit.