Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Good job I have kept up the insurances on my appliances when I had the new kitchen 2019 as my washing machine has broken being fixed today. Last week it was a leaking pipe Homeserve fixed . The light went in my oven the other week but I can't put in a new one. Need to get new bulb and see if my daughter or son in law can put it in. But at least the oven still works. Hopefully that's the third thing and nothing else goes.

Hope you are feeling lot better today Smiles.

Spring I wasn't brought up with money but because mom always saved from when she started work at 14 they brought their first house before I was born then their second on 1964. Both my parents worked in factories. Brought up on good food but using cheap cuts of meat . I have said dad was beaten and malnourished as a child. And about when freezers became affordable for everyone. We had a weeks holiday in a caravan every year but as a family we didn't go out to restaurants as they couldn't afford it . But we where rich in love and attention and that's the main thing.

Hugs have you settled well into your new home . You did move or have I muggled you up with someone else🤦🤷? Hope you enjoyed your car picnic.

Morning everyone.

I keep thinking about that quote too. It's so profound and succinctly sums up the myriad of emotions that we face every day as we live with our estrangements. Thank you for sharing it with us Allsorts.

Had my singing lesson yesterday and it went much better than expected as although I'm feeling much better, I'm still feeling less than 100%. We're going to our flat today for a few days, a change of scene will hopefully lift my spirits which are being affected by the medication. Last day tomorrow, so should start getting back to normal, well as normal as I can get.

we were rich in love and attention and that's the main thing, what a wonderful thing to say about your childhood Whiff, brought tears to my eyes.

Smiles glad you enjoyed your singing lesson and feeling better.

Washing machine repairman came glad I don't get embarrassed about looking a fool. The machine was find it's because I was washing bath mats and the machine wouldn't spin because the load wasn't heavy enough. But I have been washing my mats the same way since 2019. Know in future to do them with the towels. He cleaned the filter at the bottom of the machine as I can't reach. I use a washing machine cleaner once a month so there wasn't much stuff on the filter. He was nice to talk to an a biker like my brother.

It's good it wasn't anything that couldn't be sorted out straight away Whiff. I've done that with bath mats too but it doesn't make any sense to me because they are heavy when they're wet aren't they.

I did indeed move Whiff. Still doing repairs and hacking back the jungle of a garden, but we've started enjoying it a bit too now. Way more things to fix than we realised. The neighbours seem nice and we love the area. Will be great when it's all sorted.
Your comment about being rich in love and attention is so moving. So glad to hear it.
Good to hear your washing machine man was nice and helpful and it's all sorted.

Good to hear your singing lesson went well smiles. Hope the flat does perk you up.

Had a tired day today, lots of napping and audiobooks.

Good to hear your loads better Smileless and back to singing.
Whiff, into am guilty of putting just a bath mat in the machine which protests violently.
Hugshelp pleased your move has gone relatively well.
Glad hearts and flowers on the tv adverts are off, my husband always made an effort on that day as he did anniversaries and birthdays. He would have come in with a bunch of overpriced red roses and a card. Get bit weepy still.
Busy day to day so better get started.

Yes I’ve made the same mistake too with the Bath mats! Makes a terrible din as well! Glad you’re feeling better Smiles and back to singing. Amazing how long it can take to get a new home as you like it, but worth it in the end Hugs. Good to hear you’re pacing yourselves though. Yes we had one weeks caravan holiday each year Whiff - lovely memories! Fun doesn’t have to cost a lot. Hope everyone is doing ok? I’m feeling a bit in limbo at the moment…..will pass when the garden wakes up no doubt!

Allsorts hope you are feeling happier. Once we got married never bothered with valentine's day. Used to joke if my husband brought me flowers on a regular basis I would know he was having an affair. He brought me flowers every now and then once we where married for no reason and that made them special. Before marrying brought me them for birthdays . My dad always brought mom a bouquet of flowers for their wedding anniversary. Well remember during the miners strike and they both worked a 3 day week. Money was tight so dad made one out of flowers out of the garden and wild flowers. Just so mom had her bouquet. Like all the men in my life past and present he was a man's man. Tough on the outside and marshmallow on the inside.

It's how my son was just hope he still is. Used to say he was like his dad but I was wrong as his dad never gave up on his vile parents. But then again I would never have made him choose between me and them.

Hugs took me 3 years to get the bungalow exactly as I wanted it. But moving for me gave me a new better life I live it to the full no longer just exist as I did in my old house. Also people got to know me not all my labels. It wasn't until after my mom died I realised I had lost me. I never put myself first as had people dependant on me. I had to find out who I was and what I wanted out of life. Moving was the biggest part of that new life and finding me again. And the bonus is people like me as me before they know about my life.

Moving cost me my son and grandson's but that was his choice but I have gained so much more. Time flies by everyday and I sleep well every night since moving. Better healthcare , wonderful neighbours, active social life and found out I am a gardener. And get to see my daughter and grandsons every week. And best of all for me on hand for emergency grandson sitting. But my daughter always asks if it's ok. Last week had her eldest as she had a blinding headache and felt sick. So got to have 4 hours with my grandson he's brother was at nursery . We played them asked if we could make biscuits. Luckily always got a good store cupboard so we made some and took them home .

I missed so much of 3 of my grandson's early years. Living so far away. But since the youngest from 4 days old and watched him change weekly. Seeing my daughter's 2 I imagine what my other 3 grandson's would be like as they are all close in ages. I hope with all my heart my son and daughter in law haven't told them I don't want to see them or worse I am dead. I know how lucky I am to have 2 grandson's in my life but still grieve for the other 3 . And I will never know why . I know what my son put in his email and letter but reality and fact are to different things. Doing it via email and letter he took the easy way out because if he had to face me he would have to admit he lied and was wrong and give me the real reason for this estrangement. Which I realise is my daughter in law doesn't like me living 40 mins away instead of 3 hours. Don't think she liked the occasions my son took me to A&E but my daughter took me more times plus,doctors and walk in clinics. Nor did she like him coming every week for 7 months with his 2 eldest. But there was nothing to stop her coming if she wasn't working that day.

If my husband had lived I know this would never have happened he would have nipped things in the bud years ago . But living so far away was just happy to see all the family as often as I did. Plus I had parents and mother in law dependant on me.

If my husband hadn't died my life would be so different and at times I have shouted out loud this shouldn't be my life. But I do love my life know. I love who I am and found out I am stronger than I thought. But I would give this life up if I could have my husband back fit and healthy but I can't and that hurts so much . What my son has done pales in comparison to my husband's cancer and his death. And having to live everyday without him. Others here know that pain only to well and it's a pain that only gets worse as the years go by. You just learn to cope.

Spring hope you are feeling better today. Bulbs are opening everywhere and the nights are getting lighter spring is definitely in its way. Heard my first lawn mower yesterday and hopefully be able to get in the garden soon.

Smiles hope you are back to fighting fit .

Hope everyone has a good day. 💐Exercise class this afternoon which I look forward to. 😊

Whiff, a lot of dil’s resent their husbands love for their mother, they want it all., they hold all the cards if there are children, at the moment, they have 3 sons, one day there could be 3 dil. Most people want to find out about their family sometime, usually when they find a partner and questions get asked. Trouble is all those lovely childhood years we can’t get back. It’s a very cruel vindictive thing to do, the only exception being abuse of some kind. They hold the power now but all things pass.
You are so blessed to have family and friends and your lovely d and her family. You’re enjoying life and are not bitter.
Spring, my garden is waking up very fast, the magnolia in full bud, but it needs to warm up a bit to get me out there.

Morning everyone. Back home after a few days at our flat and feeling much better.

It's good to know that you're gradually getting through all those jobs in your new home hugs and will really be able to enjoy it. Good neighbours are worth their weight in gold aren't they, and make all the difference.

Allsorts adverts for Valentines, mothers' day, fathers' day and Christmas can be upsetting when you've lost someone you love. We don't go out for Valentines unless it falls on a Saturday when we always do, but exchange cards.

As you say, there are d's.i.l. who want it all and resent the love and relationship their husbands have with their mothers. Those who have sons of their own may find themselves in our situation one day, then they'll realise that their days of power and control are over.

Looks like there's a few of us who have to battle with the bath mats Spring.

Whiff and Allsorts not everyone finds their soul mate, the love of their life and to have had yours taken too soon was, is and always will be life changing.

I imagine how proud they must be of you.

I totally resonate with what you say about putting others first and losing yourself Whiff. I grew up taking care of my mum, then lived with my sister and took care of her kids, then I had my own family to look after - My hubby worked long hours and I did everything else. We had to take care of his mum then care for our daughter when she became disabled. And becoming sick and disabled myself left me with no energy to do anything much other than get by. It's only the last few years when I've started to explore what I like doing and I'm much happier for it.
We have found the healthcare here is better than where we lived before too. Don't know why but it's so good to have the improvement.
Lots of mini daffs out in our front garden now. There's a lot of work to do in it but the spring bulbs squeezing through are lovely.

Welcome back smiles.

Admin day for us today. Urgh. Hate it. But there can't be much more now. I hope.
We have a few problems with the new boiler. The same company fitted our last one at the old house, and were great, which is why we chose them again, but we got a different fitter this time and the boiler itself had a faulty valve - the manufacturer had to come out - so we've had a few heating issues even since the new boiler. I'll be glad to put this job to bed when it's finally sorted. They're supposed to be coming in the morning. But they said that Friday and didn't turn up.

The problem with admin hugs is that you can ignore it, it's not 'in your face' like the majority of household jobs so it's easier to think you'll do it tomorrow.

Hope your boiler engineer turned up and it's been sorted. I love the spring flowers especially daffodils so enjoy the ones coming through in your new garden.

It's lovely here today, just like spring. Had a good singing lesson this morning and am really seeing the progress which after just 6 lessons is pretty amazing.

Choir tonight, my first one in 3 weeks so things are definitely getting back to normal.

Oh, I agree. We have a regular session on Monday with the admin smiles. The house move and all jobs poorly completed and rubbish service by things like utilities seems to have generated more. We had to finish the will admin after the move and are busy setting up LPAs now as well.

The boiler company rang us. They tried to tell us this is okay:

Big gaps where the flue goes through he annex roof and the rain can get in. They've fitted a collar for a pitch roof on a corrugated roof and not fitted an internal plate. We've told them what they need to do to put it right but they are trying to say 'it can't be done.' They are currently talking to the manufacturer. This isn't some small local guy either, it's a regional energy company. We used them because they did a good job at our last house. But that time they sent two guys. This time the lad who was the apprentice before came on his own.
Can't believe how poor workmanship has got of late. All to do with a shortage of trandespeople since Brexit and trouble getting parts I'm told.

Lovely here today. DHs brother is coming for a visit.

Enjoy choir smiles. Have a great day all.

Had a great evening out last night, went to the Opera to see Madama Butterfly and it was fabulous. Moved me to tears from the beginning of Act 2; wonderful.

The company was the Ukrainian National Opera and at the end when the cast had been applauded, two men came out with their national flag and everyone stood as they sang their national anthem.

No way is that acceptable hugs; how frustrating for you. I hope you get it sorted out asap. Brexit gets blamed for everything doesn't it, but that doesn't excuse a regional energy company cutting corners rather than do the work properly.

Sounds great Smiles.

Morning all. Hugs didn't all the problems you are having show up on your surveyors report? My report was very good I had the mid priced one remember it cost £450. I knew exactly what needed doing and decided which order to get them done in. Hope your boiler is sorted now.

Smiles I have always wanted to go to the opera and to a classical music concert. I could go to see the Phil but don't want to go into the city at night. To many people and I wouldn't feel safe on my own . No one else shares my taste in music. Glad the singing lessons are paying off.

Got my letter from my neurologist on Wednesday with my increase in dosage. I had brought a pill cutter box from Etsy as I would cut myself using a knife. On one dosage for 2 weeks then up it to the next and stay on that. So far no improvement in my stiffness but it took 2 weeks before my jerks stopped when I first went on it. So don't expect to see results straight away. Just happy to be on a higher dose.

Went into the garden yesterday the frost killed a large shrub in my front garden so started to cut it down can only use the tree saw short time so recon it will take me 5-6 attempts to cut it down then have to get my son in law to get the root out. Good excuse to buy some new plants as it took up a large area. I always go to the poorly plant section first had some bargains and the plants are thriving .

My daughter and family going on holiday Easter week. Her eldest was disappointed he wouldn't be able to go to the Easter egg hunt we went to last year near me. So I emailed the church and luckily it's the day before they go away so we are going. I had the little one in the buggy last year. This year his mom will chase after him and I will stick with his brother.

There where 14 of us at exercise class last week funny I can do my exercises easier than walk. Still haven't learnt everyone's name.

Heard one if my craft friends has breast cancer saw her Thursday at craft group. Having her op second week in March so not long to wait the 15 doses of radiotherapy 5 weeks after her op. She's being positive about it as they caught it early. But we all said the same thing anything she needs she has only to ask and we will help her. In normal life we would never have met as a group but the love of craft brought us together. Had 2 new members this week. And have all become dear friends who care about eachother. Funny how life works out. Made a Seville marmalade cake to take with me it all went glad to say.

Well apart from going shopping not much else has happened this week.

Have a good weekend everyone.

well I share your taste in music Whiff so maybe we should sort something out so we can go together.

Good news about your increased dosage, so fingers crossed that you find it helps. As you say, it can take time for the medication to get into your system so hopefully you'll begin to feel the benefit in a week or so.

So sorry about your friend, good for her for being positive but it must be hard. Having the support of family and friends at such a time is invaluable.

Was hoping to get back into my exercises today but the pulled muscle in my chest is still bothering me so I might wait until Monday. It's a lot better but still not 100% so I think airing on the side of caution is probably best.

It was horrible here yesterday with strong winds and rain but after a grey start has brightened up nicely.

We're going fora Chinese tonight with our girls from next door which I'm really looking forward too as it's a while since we got together.

We've started our clear out which I want to be finished by the end of the year. Sounds like a long time I know but we have so much stuff to sort through and I'm still undecided about what to do with some of it.

Mr. S. went through his books, old CD's and tapes and has really impressed me with how much he took to the RSPCA. I went through my jewellery including watches and have quite a pile to take on Monday; so far so good.

What do I do with my wedding dress, stored in the original box? I know, the question should be why after getting on for 43 years have I still got it. Ditto mum's wedding dress beautifully made by my gran and all the little jackets, hats, leggings etc gran knitted for the boys when they were babies, still in good condition so I suppose could go to a charity shop.

Gran's hand Singer sewing machine complete with bobbins and needles; auction perhaps?

Shoes, so many I don't wear but some very expensive with their original boxes which I don't object giving to charity but not sure they'd get a reasonable price for them because they do tend to send everything very cheaply.

Handbags and clothes including a beautiful fake fur evening jacket that was mum's. Would anyone but something like that now, even from a charity shop?

Problem is I'm over thinking. I need to tackle one wardrobe, box and cupboard at a time because at the moment the entire thing is just over facing.

If only we'd downsized when we moved 6 years ago, this would already have been done because we wouldn't have had the room to bring it all with us.

Smiles I took my wedding dress ,head dress and veil to the charity shop. I didn't think anyone would want it get married in but thought an am dram group might want or someone would buy it for the material cream satin with cream lace over it. I had it made . Material cost £30 but only £10 to have it made. Just showed the dress maker a picture and she made it. I loved my mom's wedding dress and would have loved to have wore it as she was the same size as me when she got married but they left it in the attic when they moved. I am not sentimental about things but saying that I won't get my wedding ring made small as it can fall off when my hand is cold as it's as my husband put it on my finger. I use a spiral plastic ring tighten.

Would love to go to a concert or opera with you. What a lovely thought.

I was ruthless when I downsized but still found when I moved I had brought things I didn't need. So had more things to go too charity.

Have a look on eBay and see what your grand sewing machine goes for that way you will see if it's worth anything.

I couldn't face selling things but my daughter put 3 things on our local buy nothing site a king size duvet 13.5 tog which when it came had a dirty mark on it. And didn't want to pay to get it cleaned so complained to Asda and they sent me a new one and said through the other one away. A young couple when mad for it. And said they would just wash the dirty bit by hand.
The other was a medium and small suitcase which was to heavy for me the woman loved them and where prefect size for there family weekend in London.

And the last thing was a nest of MFI dark brown over 40 years old. They weighed a ton. The woman who had them wanted to upcycle then and couldn't believe have well looked after they where as she had others but was all scratched and had pieces knocked out if them she had worked on before.

Lot of my craft group have things off but nothing sites. My daughter has had things and got rid of things that way to.

People go made for vintage bags and clothes so would love your mom's things. And shoes in original boxes as sort after.

Enjoy your Chinese.

We knew we'd need a new boiler Whiff - we didn't know the boiler company would make a hash of fitting it We had the full builders survey. We also had a full electrical check, but again the company were useless. We had a tree surgeon who was fantastic. Just to say that not every tradesman was awful - but mostly they have been. And we are still waiting for the boiler company to fix what we know is perfectly fixable with a piece of kit that costs about £30 - but they have to check with the manufacturer so they don't invalidate the warranty or something. Basically, I think they do 'oven-ready' installs and don't know what to do when something is slightly awkward. Which they should have said before taking on the job. As a big company I expected more.

Hope you get an improvement soon on the new dose.
We've been cutting back loads of shrubs and overgrown trees. We bought a new bow saw and it's good but still tiring after a bit. Just had to get help on the biggest tree.
Sorry to hear about your friend, and hope all goes well.

It sounds like you are clearing out some beautiful things smiles I hope they find a good home. I'm wary of Ebay these days as I've heard of people claiming they didn't get things and the seller losing out. You can send things by a tracked method but then that adds to the cost and people don't seem to be willing to pay much on there. I've tried Facebook marketplace but things go even cheaper on there. (good for a bargain though if you're buying).
There's a list of alternatives here you might want to consider:
www.marieclaire.co.uk/fashion/sell-clothes-online-666064

My wedding outfit went to the charity shops a good few years ago. It wasn't a dress it was a powder pink suit. Cost a fair few bob but not something you'd wear again much. Hopefully someone got some joy out of it. Would have made a nice mother of the bride outfit or similar.

Yes took my wedding outfit - dress and matching jacket to a charity shop and was thrilled to see it on a mannequin in the shop window 2 days later! Not there for long but nice to think of whoever bought it wearing it to a special occasion.

Morning all

Sorry not been on, I've been reading the post but haven't had anything to say.

Glad you've sorted your meds out Whiff and yes it does take a week to kick in, so hope it's an improvement for you.

As for wedding dresses Smiles I still had my wedding dresses in the attic before I moved here, my daughters wouldn't have wanted them, so I gave to a charity shop along with the bridesmaid dresses. If you've had them that long, it's a shame to get rid. I had to get rid of tons of stuff because I was downsizing a lot, but if you have an attic Smiles hang onto them. Sometimes when we move, we get rid of too much and regret it later.

My mum's birthday today, so going to put some flowers on her resting place.

Take care all xx

Morning everyone.

We'll have to get something sorted Whiff, a concert or ballet would be lovely to enjoy together. Still waiting for Mr. S. to book 'The Nut Cracker' for November . I've told him if he doesn't get on with it, I'll be re enacting my own version of nut cracker.

Thanks everyone for the advice and suggestions, I've definitely been over thinking the whole de cluttering issue so have decided that my beautiful shoe collection will be the last thing I tackle.

We have a store room in our basement Yogin so having somewhere to keep things isn't a problem, hence the problem but you're right. Mum's wedding dress is 67 years old, and a work of art with tiny buttons all the way up the back and long the sleeves, each one covered by gran in the same material as the dress.

When I get to the store room I'll unpack hers and mine to see what condition they're in and may well keep them. Why not? Just two dresses and I may well regret it if I get rid of them.

Mum was cremated and I had a plaque made and put where her ashes were scattered. So pleased I did as it's somewhere to leave flowers at certain times of the year.

for you Yogin.

Hugs hope you soon get the boiler fixed. Trouble is the parts don't cost much but labour chargers are high. I have been lucky here all the tradesmen I have used have been brilliant and saved me money especially my home improvements guys who sent me to trade places for my kitchen , shower room,tiles ,flooring and door and let me have their discounts. The people my daughter is using to make her loft room into a proper bedroom have done the same. Never knew you had to get planning permission from the council to change a loft room into a bedroom.

The first year after moving is all pay out. I surprised myself with the colours I chose for the bungalow. But went with an open mind and really pleased with the end result.

Best time of the year for cutting down trees and getting rid of unwanted plants . But it's lovely to see all the blossom and spring flowers opening .

Yogin hope you weren't sad taking the flowers to your mom's resting place. Hope you remembered all the funny silly things she said and did . 🌹.

Smiles I badgered my mom to take me to the ballet when I was 14 we went to see Giselle I loved it mom hated it. Didn't see another ballet apart from on the TV until a few years ago. My daughter took me to see Jason Bourne's Cinderella set in WW2 it was magical .

I saw a modern version of Copaila ( not spelt right) on BBC 4 Christmas time it was good live action and CGI but prefer the old version.

At exercise class the other week we had a relaxation time at the end and listened to a piece of music from The Crimson Wing it's a live action Disney film about flamingos it was lovely. You can hear pieces from it if you Google the Crimson Wing the piece we listened to was only couple of minutes long but beautiful and definitely relaxing.

My brother and me scattered mom and dad's ashes near to a hut they used to like sitting in for a lunch picnic by the river Severn . The ashes where blown down the bank into the river . You aren't supposed to do it but we did it at dusk one summers night . The grief for my parents past years ago but my grief for my husband goes on daily like other widows here. But as I have said before I was lucky to have been so loved and to love in return it's a price I gladly pay to have had him in my life.

Yesterday was rare diseases day I never knew there was such a day as it's not advertised until like the well known conditions . I am looking forward to going to The Brain Charity open day on 15th. They have activities everyday but nothing I fancy as I go to my exercise class and craft group which are near to me. It's a hour to get too the city on the bus. It should be a good day and hopefully get to met the woman who helped me get the solicitor to fight for PIP. There are some talks by neurologists so hope to go too them. Will have my lunch there as it's 10.30 to 3.30. The charity is near the station so just have to work out which bus drops me the closest to it. A job for today.

Well my life just plods along as usual and glad to say time flies by. 1st March already.

Take care everyone.

Good to hear you're hanging on to the 2 wedding dresses Smiles, they sound beautiful.

Enjoy your charity do when it arrives Whiff

Hi Yogin. Nice to see you. Thinking of you and your mum. x


Your charity event sounds interesting and something to look forward to whiff.

Been raining here again, but we wrapped up and had a potter down to the shops. Nothing special - stationery, cleaning stuff and toiletries, but I still enjoyed it.
The boiler company have supposedly ordered new parts to finish the job off properly. Fingers crossed we can get to the end of that job soon.