Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Thank you Hugs hope you are settling your new home nicely.

Have the boiler man here at the mo. doing a service, need to call 'Dog's behaving very badly' as my dog is barking, I have to shut him in another room till the man has gone.

Got a new home insurance yesterday with an extra emergency cover for elec. water pipes and boiler, you still need to get your boiler serviced every year but I'm wondering if I can now cancel the boiler cover, I cancelled the pipes and elec. cover with them, has anyone else got this so can advise me please.

Yogin I have my contents and building insurance with Saga there is emergency cover included in the coverage and I always have legal.

But ever since there has been Homeserve we took it out to cover heating and plumbing. After my husband died I have kept it . I have no excess cover included in the plan is a yearly boiler service. Over the years they have saved me thousands in call out fees and things being fixed. This year I have called them out 4 times . Had a leaking valve on a radiator . Had one replaced last year so I asked the plumber if he would replace the other 2 valves just incase they go he said yes but needed to phone to phone in for new job number as he could only do 2 and needed an other number to do the third. All sorted within minutes. And 3 new valves.

Boiler was making a funny noise . Engineer came and because I had an ordinary boiler at my old house and here it's a combi boiler. I have lived here since August 2019. The boiler was working perfectly what I had never noticed before is with a combi boiler it pre heats the water if it gets below a certain temperature so when we turn on the tap instead hot water. 🤦. He was lovely and just explained he didn't treat me as a loopy woman.

Noticed some water on a pipe under my basin in the shower room put a shallow bowl under it and it was only a slow leak so came out next day. Replaced the pipe. It was for the hot tap . Next day noticed little trickle then it got worse and had to empty the dish every 10 mins. They came within 30 mins the washer had split.
No problem since.

No idea what call out fees are or what plumbers and boiler men charge. But having Homeserve I pay each month can call 24/7 unlimited call outs and gives me peace of mind.

Hadn't lived here long sewer pipe on my drive broke. All covered by Homeserve. Think I have written about this before 🤷.

When you are on your own you need to have peace of mind that's why I have Homeserve and kept up the warranties on all the new appliances I had when I had the new kitchen.

I have a brilliant electrician who doesn't charge call out fees and doesn't charge the earth so never bothered having that coverage with Homeserve but you can get it if you want with them.

Need to get ready now to get my bus .

I would see exactly what the existing boiler cover includes Yogin and see if it's the same with the home insurance cover you've taken out before you cancel.

The warranty on our boiler runs out in July so we'll be taking out cover. As you say Whiff, you can't put a price on peace pf mind.

Mr. S. is bowling so I'm playing some vinyl Leo Sayer albums and a song's just come on that's transported me back to secondary school; 'When I need love'. Great memories.

Glad you are all doing as well as possible, Hugs nicely settled in her new home is good news. I keep having these terrible lows, I can’t ever be as I was.
Don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten about you all, you’ are all doing so well, just need to reboot my batteries.

OOh Leo Sayer. That takes me back smiles. Lovely.

I'm so sorry you're having those lows Allsorts. I hope you get a lift soon. Sending hugs. x

Boiler finally seems to be all sorted. We have one more large job - electrics to sort out in the attic - then we can slow down to pottering along with the rest.

Baked a cake today which I plan to decorate in the morning for my future SILs birthday. Going to theirs with cake and pressies tomorrow afternoon.
Treated myself to an electric underblanket today. Bit of an upgrade from my hot water bottle.

Thanks for that Whiff I pay Homeserve £364 per year with £60 call out fee, which I now feel is a lot if I also have cover with my home insurance. To call out a private person to do a service I'm sure would be less than £100. I pay out so much on covers and insurances I feel I need to cut some out.

Thanks for advice Smiles and I'll check it out before I cancel. I went to see Leo Sayer in London many, many moons ago.

Oh Allsorts sorry to hear you are feeling low, when I think of all I've lost with my estD&GC I quickly push the thoughts out of my mind as it's just punishing myself, can't turn the clock back, even if I did reunite with them, that missing piece of their lives can never be recaptured!

Allsorts none of us on here will ever be the same again, we are all changed due to this nightmare estrangement.

I keep posting quickly cos my little doggie has begun walkies on my lap

Hugs how did the cake baking go? I bought myself a lovely new duvet yesterday, the 'sleepeasy' one, the one with the baby Hippo on, had a really good nights sleep, lovely and warm. Enjoy your afternoon.

Allsorts I can't ever be as I was, that's very true. None of us will have the lives we thought we were going to have.

I'm sorry you're feeling low. I think we sometimes forget that we live with the pain of estrangement every single day, even though as time passes it's no longer at the forefront of our minds. So from time to time we do need to recharge our batteries and take the time to be kind to ourselves.

I do that too Yogin and I also think about what we have in our lives that we wouldn't have had, if we hadn't been estranged. We wouldn't have the lodge that we love, because we wouldn't have bought the original static caravan which I needed because I hated being at home.

We wouldn't be living here, a great place we never thought we'd live in our fabulous home that's the best we've ever had. I probably would never have joined a choir and embarked on singing lessons, both which I love.

Of course nothing can ever compensate for the loss of our AC and GC. Our lives have changed beyond recognition and to a certain extent so have we, but I do try to think about the positive changes even though they can never truly compare the negativity of estrangement.

Never got to see Leo Sayer but loved his music and had a great time yesterday playing 3 albums one after the other and dancing around with the dogs.

You've really got on with everything hugs. Just one more major job is pretty amazing, and less pressure and more enjoyable when the rest you can take your time over.

Good news about your boiler, you'll be relieved you got that sorted in the end.

Shopping day to day and friends coming round this evening for a takeaway so I'd better get started on the shopping list.

Have a good day everyone x.

I've taken out the Homeserve insurance because they gave us a special offer for the first year, but I'll reassess it next year Whiff and Yogin. The new boiler - all tickety boo now - has a 10 year warranty and the annual service is £70 atm. We have a lovely plumber just around the corner who charged us £50 to fit a new kitchen tap and £120 to fit some new piping in the utility, do a temporary fix on the old boiler to put us on, and sort out a sticking plughole thingy. Don't know what his minimum call-out is but he'll roughly price a job on the phone and tell you min and max before he comes out. Seems a decent guy.
Your duvet sounds lovely. Mr Hugs bought me a sleepeasy oodie for Christmas and it's the snuggliest thing ever.

Cake's done (SI- to-be is a train nut and loves cakes that remind him of his childhood) and we're off to DDs and his now.

Ooooh what a fabulous cake hugs. ^I want one^.

That cake is wonderful hugshelp

Well done on the cake Hugs your s.i.l will love it!

Cake looks lovely Hugs. Hope you had a good time.

Allsorts estrangement is horrible and can make you feel a failure as a parent but it isn't us who have failed but our estranged children . What example are they giving our grandchildren children. I know your grandchildren are lot older than mine but still they have minds of their own and they are old enough to see what their parents have done.

Some side with their parents I think out of fear of being disinherited or not given the expensive presents some parents give their children.

My children even when my when husband was alive were never given expensive presents by us or their grandparents even though my husband's parents then his mom could have afforded to do . They never gave my husband their own son expensive presents . He brought his own car an old mini after he past his test at 17. And all other cars unless he was given a company car. His parents while he was a child and after he stopped going on holiday only holidayed in England or Wales.

My brother and me knew our parents hadn't got well paying jobs. But they brought their own home and dad had a car but not until I was about 5. Our holidays where a week in a caravan. But when I was 14 we went to Majorca for a week. It was a time when package holidays became affordable. Mom saved hard for it. Dad paid all the bills mom saved for luxuries which to their mine was holidays and new furnishings . That's just made me smile one 3 piece suite they brought was hideous but mom loved it even my dad hated it . But mom paid for it . Took her 3 years to afford to replace it with something we all liked.

Funny what things I remember . Like dad could never afford a car radio so we took the portable one with us the aeriel up and had to keep turning it round to get reception.

If my husband had lived my life would be so different . When had already decided to move house once our son went to uni. And he had geared his private pensions so he could retire at 60 and then move to west coast of Ireland buy land and have the house of our dreams built living in a house we brought then could be rented out all year round. After our house was built. Don't think we would have done that though if he had lived. As both of the children met their future spouses. My husband was looking forward to being a granddad . But it wasn't to be. But I know if he had lived our son would never have done what he has my husband would haven't have stood for what I did for years. But because I lived so far away I was just happy to be with the family even if it's was just a day visiting me.

But I don't regret for one minute moving here. I live my life to the full . I existed in my old house I wasn't happy. Happiness is underrated. I like and love who I am . I am a good person who always put others first. Even putting up with my husband's parents who I hated . But never gave up them even after my father in law died we still saw his mom and I continued after he died until the day she died. And I looked after a person I hated. It wasn't easy but I couldn't turn my back on her.

We all have to live with ourselves and we all have our own moral code and a set of standards we live by. Mine was to look after family no matter what they did or how I felt about them.

It's was easy for my son to send an email and letter giving me the boot . And easy for my daughter in law to pull me to shreds on Reddit. But I am different if I have a problem I face that person I don't hide I am not cruel or cowardly. I couldn't live with myself if I did that.

I get to see my daughter and 2 grandson's every week they are coming today. And know how lucky I am to have them in my life and how much all 4 of them love and care for me. But I still miss my son and 3 grandson's everyday. But I will never forgive him or my daughter in law for the pain they have caused me nor would I ever trust my son if he decided he wanted me back in their lives. But I can't see that ever happening. But maybe one day my grandsons will appear at my door. Have no plans in kicking the bucket for 20 years 😁.

Anyway have a good day everyone.

Thanks for the compliments all.

I agree happiness is underrated whiff. We were brought up with a huge sense of duty but didn't always know how to make ourselves happy. Or even that it was something we should strive to do. Having said that, I think keeping some sense of responsibility to others along with taking good care of ourselves is the balance I want to aim for.
Hope you have a lovely day with your family.

Enjoyed the time with mine yesterday. A quiet day cleaning and writing today. Been grey skies and showers for a while here so happy to stay in for a bit.

It’s very hard Whiff when your husband dies so young, I, like you think how different it would have been had he lived, add to that estrangement and it’s doubly hard. Yet I am glad I had what we had, he died knowing his children love him, never would he have thought this would happen. We both have a lot of love i our lives and there’s so many really lovely people out there I wouldn’t have met. All you on here mean a lot to me although we might never meet.

Allsorts like me you have had to make a new present and future like all widows and widowers and it's hard. But we have done it.

Moving for me completely changed my life for the better. What my son did I know he did for his family but the reasons he gave and the way he did was dispicabile,cruel and cowardly. Unworthy of the man I knew.

But there are so many more plus's in my life I will never regret moving. Like I said I live my life to the full . I finally got me back . It wasn't until having jaundice and seriously ill for 5 months I realised I lost myself. But found me again and so glad I did. It's not selfish to put yourself first. You have to if you don't it can lead to self doubt and mental health problems.

Our estranged children have put their wants and needs first. Acting as if we don't exist. But we do and what sticks in their claw is the fact we are their parents and always will be . No matter how they don't want it we are still their mom and dad and still grandparents to our grandchildren. They forget our grandchildren will get older and ask questions and iff they don't get the answers they want them they can easily find us and find out for themselves what we are like and what really happened and not the lies no doubt their parents spouted .

Also our estranged children forget our grandchildren will get partners of their own one day and they don't realise it but what they have done to us can happen to them . As much as my wicked side hopes it does but the mom side of me would never want them to have the pain they have caused me.

On a lighter note the increase in my tablet.seems to be paying off go up to the dose my neurologist wants me on Wednesday. Can bend my knees walking now. Which pleased my grandson yesterday as we could play dodge ball. I have 2 soft small footballs from IKEA we use. Of course the little on joined in . Can't get over how much he is talking and singing. Had a fun time.

Thought I was getting weaker in my hands as I couldn't open the bottle of Domestos so was going to pop next door to asked my neighbour open it for me but my postman came and did it for me. But it wasn't me being weak as he struggled to open it. Which made me feel better. I know they tighten everything up for safety but they can't have people trying to open things. It's the same with all packaging . Why do supermarket put everyday things high up . It's ok if they are light and I hook it with my stick handle and catch it but if it's heavy have to get help. My stick handle is great for hooking things on low shelves.

Hope everyone has a good day.

I can’t open a bleach bottle, but knocking the side of a jar on the work surface as someone has suggested is great, works every time, corned beef tins, as mentioned on another thread are a pain, I count myself lucky if the key doesn’t break, if it does it's a major undertaking as I cut myself really badly once and have the scar to prove it. I buy my bleach in threes, when I see my son or any man that comes to my house I ask them to open the lot, sometimes they struggle a bit too. I can’t reach the top of supermarket shelves, I was considered quite tall at 5.5” but now tears quite short as I think I’m now 5,4” that inch makes all the difference, everyone in my family towers over me.

Great news about the increased dosage of your medication Whiff. You're such an inspiration and I smiled when I read that you'd been playing dodge ball with your GS.

I struggle with some packaging too especially bottles of sweet chilli sauce which I get Mr. S. to open for me.

I share your frustration with supermarket shelves, at just under 5'.5" I used to struggle but now Mr. S.'s retired he comes in very handy when we do the weekly shop. Not so handy when he drops things into the trolley that aren't on my list though.

Well, we've just finished photographing my shoes. I was speaking to my great friend and mentioned them to her as she has nieces and I wondered if they were a size 7, if they might be interested. They are but and I know you'll all think I'm daft because I am, I think they're so fabulous I'm now not sure about selling them.

sorry, that bit about supermarket shelves was in response to you Allsorts.

Smileless, I in a fit of tidying up, gave all my beautiful Stilleto shoes away, i didn’t even sell them. I just kept one pair as I had never worn them, they were a generous size 5 I thought, but I was deluded as I couldn't walk in them, too tight. I regret doing it, they were so pretty and each pair had memories, of a wedding, a lovely holiday etc..I could never wear them again so I thought waste of space keeping them, some I had only worn a couple of times including my wedding shoes,, it reminded me of when I looked and felt completely different. Some things are worth keeping because of the memories they hold.

Keep your lovely shoes Smiles I'm sure they don't take up that much room and you may even wear them again one day.

Hugs did your s.i.l love his cake you made him?

Have a nice day everyone .

I'm a shortie at 5'3 and often struggle to reach things in shops.

I'm told the cake 'went down a storm' - they had a bit of a party with work friends on the Saturday.

Finally got sunshine this morning, it's been a long slog of cold wet grey days here. We're having a stroll down to the local market. I love it here.

Well had a bizarre repairman came today. My extractor fan leaked. As I have coverage had to wait in today for repairman. When he came he asked if there where any pets . I said no but what would happen if there where any he said he wouldn't come in. Then he made me stand by the door to the kitchen so I much a mask on . He said stand back . I informed he was more a danger to my health than I was to his. I showed him where the water came out and he said stand back I asked why he said incase of electrocution . I said why he said health and safety rules . He tested the machine and said it works get some charcoal filters and left .

So I thought about it and phoned Domestic and general and told them what happened. I said what would have happened if the person was blind and had a guide dog or disabled and had an assistance dog. Would he have refused to go in then. They said they would pass my comments on.

I had a washing machine repairman come out the other week he was completely the opposite . I know he was from a different company but he was lovely even cleaned out the filter for me because I can't reach down that low.

I had tradesmen working here when Covid restrictions was loosened and we just wore masks and kept our distance.

Health and safety gone mad.

My daughter put Spotify on my phone and I listen to the Armed men album by Karl Jenkins well work a listen. Also Crimson Wing which is music which was on a Disney live action film about flamingos. Both beautiful . Looking forward to sort more albums and songs in my library.

At exercise yesterday we did circuit training one of the exercises was using a set of pedals. Once sat down had to lift my feet on them but couldn't turned them like riding a bike but still made them go round. It was fun.

Very sunny and cold here today . Hope you all had a good day.

Wonder what that was about Whiff. There may be reasons he needs to avoid households with pets, either due to allergies or a previous bad experience, but you'd think he'd check that before arranging to come if so. Or maybe he'd ask the person to put the pet in another room until he had gone, but didn't make that clear.
I didn't know you could have water coming out of an extractor fan. Can't fathom how that's happening. You're having your fair share of things cooking out lately. Feels like that here a lot of the time. Things used to last years but now everything conks out all the time.

Been snowing a bit here today. More expected over next few days. Brr, it's cold again.