To want to leave UK

I thought the same and went to the country of my dreams. Lasted a year. Basics I took for granted at home weren't as reliable there (electricity and water). Healthcare, while very good quality, was at that mes hard to access due to the hostility of some healthcare workers towards foreigners. The cost of living was more expensive than the UK in ways I hadn't anticipated.

It's far, far far m perfect in the UK. But as a native, I know how to navigate the systems.

Ah so sorry Gagajo. The main thing is, you tried! So many people don't ever do the things they dream of.

I am not ready to leave while I still have my lovely younger son at home and I also want to use the time to save money and learn the language.

Always tempting to live somewhere warm isn’t it?
Make a list of things you could miss here and see how long it is?
Can you speak the language of your chosen country or learn it easily? Would you be lonely there once settled in?
How about moving to a warmer part of the UK instead and putting distance between you and your family?

Do you intend to move as a pensioner, or working?

Do I dare mention that Brexit has made it much much more difficult to move to anywhere in Europe?

Remember too that 'the country of your dreams' may be very varied and very different depending on where you move in that 'dream' country. Imagine someone wanting to move to the UK. The realities will be very different if they move to Devon, Norfolk, Burnley, etc- and even locally, Yorkshire Dales, Harrogate or Bradford! SAme for the USA on much larger scale- or France, Italy, most countries!

Fleurpepper has a good point there.

During covid I lost three friends who I had considered really good friends. I don't have ties here. Except my husband and youngest son, who I would never leave as long as he wants to still live at home. It is a fear of mine that when he meets the girl of his dreams he might move away or she might not like us.

My husband and I are still of working age, so we need to bide our time and put money away while learning the lingo. I actually doubt I could be more lonely than I am now, having lost my GC and the friends who I valued. I have to walk the dog to meet anyone to talk to at all.

Why not have a plan for when you retire and your son leaves home?

Something for you. It doesn't have to be abroad x

True, I'll go on a long holiday first. See who I meet and what opens up.

I work remotely anywhere in the world. The work I currently do for an employer is also transferrable anywhere in the world, language permitting. My husband could also find work. We don't plan to stop working in the near future but am not ready to leave until my son meets someone.

I am so sorry you feel that way and so lonely.

Moving abroad will help with the weather, for sure. But it does not solve personal problems, and can make things much more difficult in so many ways. Healthcare for instance- not easy being looked after for chronic condition, emergency or indeed, serious condition, when not fluent in the language.

But most expats will tell you- the scenery and weather will change, and many other things- but wherever you go, 'you will take you with you' that can never change.

PS If my son really doesn't want me to leave, I would stay.

I don't want to be a clingy Mum though and he's all I have.

OnwardsandUpward moving abroad as long as you have a lot of money is a nice dream but the reality could be quite different. Perhaps you and your husband could have a 4 week holiday in a rented area you like and see how you get on. But do it during the winter months that why you would know what it was really like.

My best friend's husband died last month they have owner a house in France for years but only ever had holidays in it as they worked out it would be to expensive to live there permanently cost of living and healthcare wise. She will decide next year if she can face ever going there again now she is alone . They could never have children so it was only ever them.

Fleurpepper

I am so sorry you feel that way and so lonely.

Moving abroad will help with the weather, for sure. But it does not solve personal problems, and can make things much more difficult in so many ways. Healthcare for instance- not easy being looked after for chronic condition, emergency or indeed, serious condition, when not fluent in the language.

But most expats will tell you- the scenery and weather will change, and many other things- but wherever you go, 'you will take you with you' that can never change.

True, but I love my own company and am really happy with what I do. It's not me that I'm fed up with, it's the narcs and the recurring family drama.

In our house we don't have personal problems. I have a good marriage and a lovely relationship with my youngest. I only feel the loss of my GC which I think is understandable and of my friends, but new friends can be made so not a problem.

You do sound as though you need a change of scenery and some new faces around you OnwardandUpward. Daily sunshine would be a great help too! Other posters have explained well the potential problems you might face abroad.

How old is your youngest son? Does he really need you, or would a bit of distance from you actually do him good? I left a young son of 17 years old behind in the UK and moved abroad. He was being a useless good for nothing who was relying on us for everything, even though we loved him dearly. Five years later, after coping on his own, he had turned into a confident, caring self contained young man. The best thing we ever did for him, and he thanks us (through gritted teeth!).

Thanks Whiff. Good advice.

So sorry about your best friend's husband and that's understandable. I know someone who didn't go back when she was on her own. He had done all the driving, for a start.

Yes, renting long-term first is excellent advice. But 90 day rule, due to Brexit, makes it very difficult nowadays.

And yes, winter months. I know so many who moved to wonderful rural area of France, Italy or even Spain - after spending the Summer there. Cafés and restaurants out in the open, everyone happy and chatty- superb, great atmostphere. Then came end of October, everyone gone, the winds took over, the cold and fog, in a house not well insulated- and the deep depression set in, and the bottles come out!

My youngest son is 24 and lives at home. He's got a career and doesn't technically need me. Every day I love having him there and appreciate the time I have with him, while knowing it can't be forever because surely some charming young lady will snap him up. He is a great cook and is very independant, but has not chosen to move out and seems happy to stay. He has talked about moving one day but says he wants to stay for the elderly cat. I said he could take the cat and that the cat could go on for years and he said he wanted to stay.

Good about your son Joseanne, sounds like it was the making of him.

I would definitely rent first to try out an area.

There's no way Id live in a house without good insulation.

Renting is OK, but it isn't properly "living" abroad. What I mean is, that you might not put in that full 100% effort required because you live thinking you can always run home. I preferred moving lock, stock and barrel and totally immersing myself in the goods and bads of my new country. The only thing to remember though is that property prices abroad do not increase at the same rate as in the UK, so you could come unstuck. Also watch out for different inheritance laws.

Well it's good you have chosen the first step to rent. I would try it as soon as possible.

Thanks for the info Joseanne. That could work too. I'm not ready to leave in the imminent future because I want to keep working and saving while learning the language.

I hadn't thought about inheritance laws, thanks. At the moment we would be leaving everything to our youngest son because of the Estrangement. I will have to look into inheritance laws.

To live in Europe you will have to apply as an Immigrant and fulfil their employment needs/qualifications etc.
Can you do this? If not you will only be able to spend 90 days there in any 12 months, although I think there might be some movement on this in the future.

Maybe a warmer part of the U.K. would be a good plan, miles away from your other family members? No need to tell them your new address.

You have had a lot to deal with, I would honestly make sure your mental health is OK first.

In times we struggle our brains search for a way out of it but what we actually need is a way past it.

Make sure this is the right answer for you and you would be going towards a positive experience and not trying to distance a negative one

I had that dream too Onward when we were estranged by our youngest son and as a result, our only GC.

Mr. S. was still running our business so it was something I thought about often when he eventually retired. I spent hours looking at properties in Lanzarote, and dreaming of starting a new life there. A lovely island and of course the weather was a huge draw.

We did move in the end 6 years ago, 18 months before he retired just 26 miles away, but the difference it's made to our lives is truly amazing. Far enough to know we'll never see him or our GC again, and far enough to begin the next chapter in our lives, to rebuild and heal.

You have time to think about this and to make plans, half the fun is making plans even if you don't follow them through.

It's great that your self esteem is improving and that you know that how things are with your mum and your ES are not your fault. That is the most important breakthrough you can make, whether you decide to move or not.

As Fleurpepper has said you take you with you and of course you do. The past has shaped us and changed us, our wounds for the most part have healed, but we carry the scars and always will, where ever we live and knowing that, which I believe you do, is another important breakthrough.

Oopsadaisy1

To live in Europe you will have to apply as an Immigrant and fulfil their employment needs/qualifications etc.
Can you do this? If not you will only be able to spend 90 days there in any 12 months, although I think there might be some movement on this in the future.

Maybe a warmer part of the U.K. would be a good plan, miles away from your other family members? No need to tell them your new address.

Ok, thanks.

I haven't actually looked into the finer points yet as the idea only occured to me today.