Lost and Hurt by abusive Daughter.

This sounds very familiar. Have you posted about it previously?

Same here

Hi last week but couldn't find it so assumed i'd not posted it correctly

Is this a duplicate thread ?
I ve read this story before I m sure

Did you post with a different name? Your name isn’t familiar but the story is.

I thought this was a thread I had previously read, then realised it was dated today.

The first thread was deleted

It had a screenshot with the OPs daughters full name in it

That explains it. Thanks.

This is all too much. There is needing advice and then there is auditioning for Jeremy Kyle. I am exhausted reading it.

Something about sharing your own child's full contactable name on a public forum makes me deeply uncomfortable

This all sounds like an awful mess and I wouldn't know where to start at the moment

Nana5150 this sounds like a very upsetting time for you at the moment. I can't offer advice, but I think, if your post is genuine, that the many kind, caring and knowledgeable Gransnetters will be able to.

Wishing you well

Nana5150 - I remember reading this…. so upsetting for you. I have 3 children and have had issues with 2 of them at one time or another. All’s quiet on the western front at the moment. So all that I can say to you is, this too shall pass.

Caramme

This is all too much. There is needing advice and then there is auditioning for Jeremy Kyle. I am exhausted reading it.

All I can say to your post is: you’re very lucky that you don’t have to have dealings with people like the daughter.

Nana5150
I understand why you don’t want to go through SS.
I’m assuming that you granddaughters school is aware of the situation. The school will have access to many agencies that you could access help from. That would be my first port of call.
I know it’s sad and upsetting but you’d be surprised how resilient young children are.

I can’t really offer any advice Nana5150 but hang on in there and I hope better times are ahead.

Nana5150, I agree with MerylStreep about contacting the school - and Social Services too, as your daughter appears to be suffering from mental illness.

I'm worried about the driving with no MOT, tax or insurance. I'd feel obliged to report it, for safety's sake.

I agree with Hetty. And ask SSD advice about the driving. I'd not want to make that decision on my own, ie contacting police.

Nana5150 I'd also start recording any contact you have - including with GD messages, (screen shots) phone calls, (get the app) everything. It sounds like DD needs treatment, and may not recognise this.

From the bottom of my heart, I hope you can find a path through this jungle. I don't know which country you are in so no idea about laws and such. Is there any legal provision giving grandparents rights to access grandkids where you are? I would definitely report the car papers because that's concerning the child's safety.

Thank you all for your responses, I've been in contact with SS and as my DD isn't physical atm she manages to side step them being involved and hasn't engaged with families support. I've got to the point this time that we have involved the police which has triggered external referrals to SS and and taking legal action for access. Its all very hard to deal with as we've done everything in our power over the years to help and support our DD to have it thrown back at us. I've had conflicting advice what we have to do and how. A solicitor I spoke to yesterday suggested full custody which will be heartbreaking.

It may seem that we should be part of Jeremy Kyle which again is heartbreaking, but I've always avoided conflict, never been in any kind of trouble, never took any drugs and I work very hard. We have 5 children which have been bought up the same and the other 4 lead normal lives (if there is a normal).

So I will say it again…

Nearly the entirety of your post focuses on your daughter and DIL’s relationship and how upset you are that your DIL doesn’t have access to the child, which is frankly not your business to decide. You go on and on about how these 3 adults (son/daughter/DIL) cannot manage their relationship, which isn’t truly your business, and then very conveniently sprinkle in tidbits about hardcore drug use, which warranted less than 3 sentences of your post. Hmmm….

I’m curious as to why a mother of a hardcore drug abuser would write more about how her DIL cannot see her grandchild than she would about her concern for getting her own flesh and blood into rehab. What attempts have been made on your part to help with the drug problem? Or is this what you want to throw out there in hopes that it may possibly be true and you can take her child? Because that’s really want you want…for yourself. You want to take the child and somehow you think the basis of your case is some irrelevant bickering between your grown son and daughter.

I don’t know many mothers who would write “she’s been abusive relationships before and we are fearful of her”. You are not fearful FOR her, though?? Why would you be more concerned for yourself here and not her or the grandchild? I have to confess, as a mother and gran I have a hard time relating to your priorities here.

The daughter may indeed be unwell mentally but your post makes me feel like she has a reasonable right to be suspicious of you. Most of your post is supposition about what you think is going on in the child’s head for missing “Aunty and grandmother”. You told the child “I will not be blackmailed”. That is no different that your daughter inappropriately putting the child in your family dysfunction. She isn’t the only one in your family failing the little girl. Trying to steal her away from her mother isn’t putting her first.

You’ll get plenty of what you seek, which is sympathy and everyone hanging on to your words about your daughter. But this poster is going to be honest with you. I do not get the impression of the benevolent granny here. I see a young woman who is likely troubled with mental health issues and a grabby granny bent on getting revenge on her daughter for distress she has caused. Step carefully in your plot. You may be getting reassurance here, but if your intentions are as self serving as they appear in your OP, this will not end as well for you as you think.

To add, if you think receiving unpleasant texts is a basis to take someone’s child, you are more vengeful than loving and therefore not the right person to raise the child. Seems like so far all authority figures have decided against your view on the child being in danger. What proof do you have of the allegations you keep making? If multiple authorities don’t believe you, why should your word be gold?

I think this is not the right place to air all this stuff. Professional help would be better for all of you.

Far too complex a situation to be seeking advice about from social media. No-one here is in a position to offer appropriate help, particularly as this is only one side of the story. It also appears to be a developing scenario, in which they "have involved the police which has triggered external referrals to SS and taking legal action for access." That's the way we should leave it.. well alone.. IMHO.

Agreed.

A very difficult, stressful and painful situation Nana.

It looks as if you've had contact with professionals in SS, the police and a solicitor so I hope that the information they've given will enable you to make a decision about the way forward, and if you remain unsure perhaps contacting one or all of the aforementioned may be the way help to clarify.