Need some advice and guidance

Don't delay!

lily09, please get help got your GD. There is so much to digest in to your post , I am not qualified to offer advice but I do recognize that the most vulnerable person in this mess is your GD. Speak to SS . Good luck 🍀

poor child indeed. Strange that you've picked up on the OP's reference to food Hithere.

What about excessive drinking; parties affecting the child's sleep; mistreatment in terms of isolation, controlling and punishing behaviour; berating messages and leaving an 11 year old alone in the house while mum goes out for the evening?

Often with lies there is a kernel of truth for example you talked to your GD about food but not in the way your D has accused you of. It makes it very difficult for the one being 'accused' because you start questioning what you actually did do or say.

The amount of time youngsters spend on the internet is a real bug bear for parents and GP's and you did nothing wrong. Try not to overthink this, and worry that it may be becoming and addiction. You're probably worried because of your D's alcohol consumption.

I understand you worrying about being shut out altogether, which is why it's important to make the time your GD stays with you as pleasant an possible. She's 11 and because of the relationship you've built with her, mum may not find it as easy as she thinks to keep you apart if that's not what your GD wants.

When sh's with you, just tell her food wise what's on offer and let her make her own choices, something you're probably doing anyway.

With regard to being on line, maybe take an interest. Is she playing games for example and if so, would she let you watch and maybe join in.

Could you ask her not to be on line in the privacy of her bedroom because you're concerned about her online safety? I still feel that this is coming from your D and not because of what your GD has said.

why did she not just go home then and not to choose to to stay an extra day if she was avoiding me exactly lily makes no sense and when things don't make sense, it's more often than not because they aren't true. .

Op,

All i can say now is that your posts seem unnaturally centered around food - how her mother doesnt do as well as you are because she doesnt spend a fortune and cooks from scratch like you do

There are other issues too but without coffee, this is all that stood out to me now

Poor child

Thanks so much for the response. Of course it crossed my mind that my Dtr is making a lot of this up but it seems to be some grain of truth.

My Daughter tells a lot of lies and is quite often deceptive in the first instance .
child told me she was living on bagels at school because her Mother won’t put money on her card and all I said was it’s too many carbs, you need some protein!! I can see how the child could misinterpret that if I say it too much. For me it was an innocent comment, nothing I wouldn’t normally say.
I go out of my way to feed her , roast a chicken every week and veg and bake home made cakes I truly didn’t see myself the way I am being described. I haven’t changed.

What worried me is that the child said things about me. Did my saying I was angry with her Mother for not returning from holiday (Really who does that? ) turn her against me?

Is she punishing me for setting boundaries?

I said No to the child twice last refusing to let her eat the decorations for the cakes I baked.
She wanted that chocolate and I felt it was a push so I had to say no. There was other chocolate and it was bought for the cakes

Asked her to think about a cut off time for internet as she’s in it 16 hrs a day when here and we’re not interacting.
I am calm and patient but she was sulky in the car. I put it down to hormones and an internet addiction I am pretty sure is brewing.

Apparently there was no snacks, no sweets and the child stayed in her room to avoid talking about food. She got a piece of bread for brunch and a salad for dinner. She got a home made bagett, selection of cheeses and cherry jam, roast chicken fresh from the oven and a huge salad
I cook everything from scratch and spend a fortune on the child.

I said In my one response to the reams of abuse email why did she not just go home then and not choose to stay an extra day if she was avoiding me?

I am Keeping quiet but preparing to be shut out. If I won’t babysit and do exactly as I am told I may be surplus to requirements

Hello lily there's a lotto digest on your OP and I'm left wondering if your GD has said these things to her mum or if your D is making it up.

Is she taking what's said and twisting it to suit her own agenda.

It does sound as if over the years you've been a constant support for your GD, so it would be a great shame if you were to stop her coming for sleepovers and if she's happy to come, it does put a question mark over what your D claims she's been saying.

In your position I wouldn't ask your GD about her mother's claims, I wouldn't mention them at all. She may not be aware of what her mother's said but if she is, and her mother's been lying, she may well at some point raise the matter herself.

Regular contact with your GD, especially with such a difficult home life, is so important and regardless of what she may have said to her mother, she needs the love and stability you give her.